Part of her felt disloyal, as if she was betraying her mother’s memory by reaching out to Robyn. But that was ridiculous. She was an adult. Her mother was gone. This was Christy’s decision.
What exactly had her aunt done to cause such a major falling-out? Christy didn’t know, but she felt a pang of empathy. Living up to her mother’s impossibly high standards wasn’t easy, as she knew only too well.
You’re pregnant, Christy? You’ve only known the man for a matter of weeks! How could you be so careless? This is the worst mistake you have ever made.
Of course her mother had come around eventually once she’d met her granddaughter, but that faint cloud of disappointment had always hovered.
“Six o’clock. Time for your bath.” She gently removed the brush from her daughter’s grip. Holly was the best thing that had happened to her, not the worst. Unplanned did not mean unwanted. And she couldn’t, wouldn’t, think of her as a mistake.
“Will Santa be there? Can we see him?”
“I hope so. We’re going to try.” She wasn’t exactly sure whether that type of commercial experience was available near her aunt’s home. Was Santa interested in the Snow Spa? Did he indulge in the occasional cold plunge? Sauna? Either way, she knew Holly would have a wonderful time. She’d taken a look at the website for her aunt’s business, and the forest cabins looked idyllic. “Santa has a busy job.”
“Like Daddy.”
“Like Daddy.” Christy checked the time. Seb had messaged her to say he’d be late home. It was the third time that week. Four times the week before.
When Christy had pictured their life in the country, she’d assumed Seb would continue to work remotely, but changes in his office meant he was no longer able to work from home. He was more stressed than usual, and Christy couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.
Did he hate the cottage? Hate living in the country?
Lately she’d been waking up in the night wondering if this whole thing had been a mistake. Living here didn’t feel the way she’d thought it would feel.
It wasn’t just the cottage or the money. She was lonely, although that wasn’t something she’d admitted to anyone. After trying so hard to persuade Seb to move here, how could she admit that she missed busy London streets and coffee shops? She missed bustle and noise and the undemanding company of strangers. She missed living in a warm apartment.
The cottage had lived up to the dream at the beginning, but then they’d experienced their first winter. After a heavy rainstorm it became clear that the roof needed replacing. The boiler had stuttered to a halt, and there was damp in one corner of the kitchen. They had spent the festive season shivering and trying hard to be upbeat for Holly’s sake. It had been an exhausting experience, which was another reason Christy had booked Lapland. She didn’t want another Christmas like the last one.
She sighed and finished straightening the kitchen.
She’d made a choice, and now she had to live with it.
Where was Seb? How was she supposed to produce a delicious meal when she had no idea what time he was arriving home? It was a planning nightmare.
Oblivious to her mother’s anxiety, Holly rubbed her face, spreading paint. “Santa has help from the elves.”
“He does.” She needed help from the elves, preferably ones with building experience who could fix a leaking roof.
She moved her laptop from the kitchen so that she could lay the table for dinner.
As a freelance graphic designer she could work from anywhere, and she’d spent the morning working on a project for a client, keeping half an eye on her daughter and half on her work. As a result the house reflected the joyous mess of a free-range child. She felt the pressure squeeze. She could hear her mother’s voice in her head, even though she’d been gone for more than two years. One toy at a time. You need to be stricter with her, Christy. Teach her to respect rules. She’s a wild one.
Christy felt a rush of protectiveness. Her daughter was bold, inquisitive and adventurous, and she didn’t want to crush that. She admired, and occasionally envied, her daughter. Had she ever been that fearless?
But she knew that what had really worried her mother was Holly’s resemblance to Robyn.
All her life her aunt Robyn had been held over her as a warning of what could happen if discipline was not enforced.
Christy had never been sure what Robyn had done, and whenever she’d asked, her mother’s response had either been Don’t mention that name in this house or You don’t want to know.
Did Christy want to know? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that it felt wrong having a family member alive and not at least making an effort to be in touch.
Even if she didn’t feel a bond with her aunt, she’d have ten whole days where she wouldn’t have to think about her leaky cottage. Ten whole days of quality time with her family. And Alix, of course. The thought of spending time with her oldest friend lifted her spirits. Alix was the sister she’d never had. It was weird to think they’d spent more Christmases together than she had with Seb and Holly.
“I’ve painted a forest for you.” Deprived of a brush, Holly splotched green paint onto the paper with her finger.
“It’s beautiful.” She scooped her daughter up, carried her to the sink and washed the paint from her hands before the forest transferred itself to her kitchen walls. “Show me Lapland on the map.”
Holly wriggled from her arms, sprinted across the room and paused in front of the map that Seb had stuck to the wall, a look of concentration on her face.
Christy took advantage of the moment to quickly load the dishwasher.
“Can you find it?”
“It’s here. All along the top. The Arctic.” Holly rose onto her toes and slid her paint-stained finger across the map. “But we’re staying…here.” She stabbed her finger into the north of Sweden and gave her mother an excited smile.
She had her father’s blue eyes and long eyelashes. It was, as Christy had discovered within minutes of meeting him, a killer combination. She’d fallen hard, as had plenty of women before her, if his reputation was to be believed.
But she was the one he’d married.
Pride, love, delight—Christy felt all those things circle through her as she watched her daughter.
She regretted nothing. She wouldn’t put the clock back. She wouldn’t change a thing. Except the cottage. She’d change that in a New York minute, as Alix would say.
No sooner had she thought about her friend than the phone rang and her name popped up on the screen.
“Alix!”
Holly immediately reached for the phone. “Aunty Alix!”
Technically Alix wasn’t an aunt, but as she and Christy were as close as sisters, it had seemed an appropriate title.
“I need to talk to her first.” Christy held the phone out of reach. “You can say hello when I’ve finished.” She scooped Holly up with her free arm and sat her back down at the table. As Seb was going to be late she had time to chat with her friend before straightening the house. “How’s New York?”
“Cold.” Alix’s voice was clear and strong. “It’s rare to have snow in December, but everything about the weather is messed up at the moment.”