As I worked to catch my breath, Van’s green eyes appeared before me. “You said you didn’t invite me to this bed to make love.”
I nodded. “I didn’t.”
“I don’t want to make love, Julia. I’m so fucking hard; I want to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked.”
“I never have.”
His entire body stiffened. “What did you say?”
“Please.” I held tight to his shoulders. “I’ve done...this...up to...but we stopped.” His eyes closed. “Van, I know I may never see you again. Hell, I don’t even know your last name, but I saved myself for someone who didn’t deserve me and look where it got me. I want this. Please, fuck me.”
His head shook. “You really don’t know what you’re asking for.”
I reached my hand lower, finding his hard cock. Wrapping my fingers around him as best as I could, I ran my hand up and down. “I do.”
With his body between my bent legs, Van pushed up on his hands on either side of me. My heart beat in triple time as he stared down at me. “I want to take you.”
“Do it.”
“I’ll hurt you and that won’t stop me.”
I wiggled my hips. “I’ve been hurt, Van. This is physical and I promise I can take it.”
There were things I’d built up in my head. I made them out to be better or worse than they were. The Eiffel Tower was smaller than I imagined. The British crown jewels were more spectacular than I anticipated. Sex was always right outside my reality. I’d heard other women talk, and I’d read books. As Van and I came together as one, the union was both worse and better.
I cried out, unable to stifle my scream as Van took what I’d saved for someone else.
Even though he said my pain wouldn’t stop him, it did. He stilled and brought his nose to mine. “I promise it will get better.”
Swallowing, I nodded. “I believe you.”
The worst was over as the better grew.
Like a volcano, the heat within me increased. Van didn’t only satisfy my core, filling me completely, he also tended to the rest of me, and his touch was everywhere. Synapses fired and nerve endings responded. Never had I been so alive or so lavished with attention.
The ecstasy didn’t end with my next orgasm or even his.
Throughout the night one of us would wake and it would begin again.
I wasn’t certain when it occurred to me that we hadn’t used protection. As soon as it did, I justified that I was on birth control—after all, I was to be on my honeymoon in two weeks. While I hoped Van was clean, I couldn’t ignore the way he felt inside me, his skin against mine, and our bodies united.
Finally, sleep won.
When I awoke, light seeped through the windows and the bed at my side was cool. Moving, I felt tenderness where I never before had been tender. As memories came back of everything we’d done the night before, a smile came to my lips.
Sitting up, I saw Van near the fireplace, teasing the embers. He was fully dressed as he’d been before coming to bed.
“Good morning,” I said sheepishly.
“I let the fire go out. I should have it going soon.” He turned my way. “Stay under the covers. It’s probably forty degrees or less out here.”
I wiggled my nose, realizing it was cold. “After you get the fire going, you could join me.”
Van remained quiet, his concentration on his job as fire master.
I saw the glow radiate against his skin at the same time the logs began to snap.
Van stood tall and walked toward me. “Julia, if things were different... If I were different, I would want a woman like you in my life. I’m not different. I told you that you’d regret last night, and I am sure you do.”
My head shook. “I don’t.” Keeping the blankets up to my shoulders, I sat against the headboard. “Van, I’m not some damsel in distress.” I giggled, thinking that was exactly who I was. “Not usually. I’m not looking for a man to save me. I don’t regret last night. I’ll carry it with me forever. You made me feel desired and...” I searched for the words. “Good.” That simple word was the perfect description. “I felt good and real, the way it feels to not pretend. It felt amazing. I don’t need to know your last name or you mine. I’m on the pill. We don’t owe one another anything. This was two people stranded along the white ribbon.”
Van took a deep breath. “The snow has stopped. I was going to walk out to the road. If it’s plowed, I think we can get you into town. As for your car—”
I waved him off. “Town is good. Ashland, right?”
“Yes, that’s the closest town with resources you’ll need.” He came closer.
“Good. I have reservations at a hotel there. I’ll deal with my car later. You, Van no-last-name, have done your part in rescuing this damsel.” I reached for his hand. “I regret nothing. I hope you don’t.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I have regrets, but last night isn’t one of them. My regret is that I’m not someone else.”
My cheeks rose. “I like who you are.”
“You don’t know who I am.” Walking to the end of the bed, he lifted my clothes from the footboard. “Your clothes are dry.”
“Then I guess I’m done wearing your shirt.”
“I’ll never look at that shirt the same way.”
“You don’t owe me any promises,” I said as I pulled back the covers. Turning to Van, I asked, “Have you seen my panties?”
Julia
A FEW DAYS LATER
“Miss McGrath?” the older gentleman asked, standing to shake my hand.
I reached forward and shook Mr. Fields’s hand. “Thank you for seeing me today.”
“I was surprised you were able to get here so soon. We’ve had some difficult weather.”
Warmth filled my cheeks as I recalled the difficult weather. “Yes, I had a problem with my rental car. Thankfully, Chase at the automotive shop was able to rescue it and all of my belongings.”
I was currently dressed for success. With a silk blouse, high-waisted black slacks, and high-heeled black boots, I wasn’t left to interview in a shirt owned by a man with only a first name. Yet as I stood in the office of Fields and Smith, I knew that the white ribbon had taken me to a place that not only rescued me from the cold but also showed me that I could survive without Skylar or life’s well-laid plans.
“You’re wrong, Van. I don’t regret a thing.” That was my thought as I waited for my interview.
I deleted the numerous text messages from Skylar from my now fully charged phone. I’d spoken to my mother. She was caught somewhere between supporting my decision and not. “There’s more than love involved here,” she told me more than once.
She was right. There was also fidelity and trust.
I’d also spoken to my friend Vicki. She was supposed to be my bridesmaid. Vicki, Beth, and I had been close since high school. Vicki was shocked to hear my news. “I swear, if I knew, I’d have told you,” she’d said.
I wanted to believe her, unwilling to lose both of my best friends to Skylar’s infidelity.