“It’s been a while, man. Since the only place anyone ever sees you is here…” He ran a hand through his blond hair, then jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Tabitha said you had a few minutes, so I came on back.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Are you trying to say you missed me? Is that what this is all about?”
Jude huffed as he pushed off the wall. “Fuck, man. Life misses you.”
Ahhh, that old chestnut. Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. When I glanced up, my friend held up his hands, palms out.
“Look, Jack…” He stepped forward, “I know it’s hard without Natalie, but you can’t keep going like this. You work. You go home. You repeat. It’s no way to live. You know she’d hate to see you so…I don’t know. Shut down.”
“I don’t have much of a choice, now do I? Being a single dad is really hard. I’m exhausted all the time, just trying to keep things normal for the kids.”
“Maybe, and I’m just shootin’ in the dark here, but maybe it’s time to stop holding on to what used to be normal. Maybe it’s time for a new normal.” He grinned like he’d just delivered an epic piece of advice. “I know. Let that sink in a little. I’m fucking brilliant.”
“Believe me, this normal is new. Nothing I’ve been doing for the last year-and-a-half feels the way it should.”
And I hated it.
As Jude looked shocked to learn his brilliant advice wouldn’t solve my problems, Tabitha appeared behind him. “The Tarringtons are here. Early, as usual.” She gave me a sympathetic smile and Jude a ‘please fuck me in the conference room’ onceover, then turned and walked away.
“I’ll let you get back to work, but not before I tempt you with an irresistible offer.” Jude’s eyes lit up the way they always did when he had a great idea. “Everyone’s gonna meet up at Cheers ‘n Beers tonight. You should join us.” He held up his hands and dipped his head. “If you can get free.”
“If I can get free.”
I couldn’t. We both knew it, but hey, a guy could hope.
“And if you can’t, you’ll be at Evie and Alex’s party on Friday, right? I’ve heard her friend is half crazy. Should be fun to welcome her to town.”
It was right there. On the tip of his tongue. I could see it. The suggestion that Evie’s friend might be the right kind of half-crazy for a lonely guy like me. I braced, but thankfully, Jude knew me well enough to keep that shit to himself. If only the rest of Wildrose Landing would get on board. I’d had my fair share of people offering to hook me up with a cousin, or a friend, or some random girl they met at Mike’s Burgers.
I sat back and threaded my hands behind my head. “Barring any fires, acts of God, or unforeseen emergencies, the Cooper family will be there.”
“Great.” He grinned and rapped a knuckle against the doorframe. “If I don’t see you at the bar tonight, I’ll see you Friday.”
As he sauntered away, I dropped my hands, my eyes wandering to the last family photo we’d taken before Natalie died. Charlie had been four. She was so small, her dark hair the same shade as mine as she wriggled in my arms. Nat had one hand on each of the boys’ shoulders, her face warm and genuine, her love for us shining through her eyes. Garrett and Connor had the biggest grins, their blond hair and freckles matching their mom’s. It had been a while since any of us had looked so happy.
Isaac and Gwen Tarrington shuffled into my doorway and I straightened, forcing a smile.
“Jack! Long time no see.” As always, his deep voice was a tad too loud for such close quarters.
I stood and shook both their hands. “Good to see ya, Isaac. Gwen. Please, have a seat.”
“Straight to business, then?” Chuckling, Isaac scooted out a chair for his wife, then lowered himself into the other, arms draped over the sides like a fat, old king.
“Straight to business.” I didn’t have the patience for another conversation about their ‘perfect for me’ daughter.
“We’ve known each other too long to skip the small talk.” Gwen folded her hands in her lap, her eyes analyzing my every movement. “How are the kids? Are they settling down, yet?”
“No, not yet,” I said, forcing optimism into my tone. “I’ve got a girl from Wildrose High watching them today and I hope they don’t traumatize her.”
Gwen fluffed the ends of her bleach blonde hair. “You can’t keep that up, you know. Filtering through nannies and babysitters. Eventually, the kids will—”
“The kids are fine.”
They weren’t.
They were loud and rude, and no one could get them to behave like they might one day grow into decent human beings, but I had even less patience for this conversation than the one about Lisa. My kids were my business. They’d been through a lot and one day, they’d settle down again.
“Lisa’s coming into town next week.” Gwen sat up even straighter. “You should spend some time together. It might do you good to get out of the house.”
I swallowed a groan. There was nothing wrong with Lisa. As far as I knew she was warm and kind and driven…and as her parents’ accountant, I knew she came from money and stability.
But that would still be a hell-fucking-no from me.
I’d rather be lonely the rest of my life than risk falling in love with someone else and losing her the way I lost Nat. It was bad enough the kids were gonna grow up and leave me someday. That was the natural order of things, but my heart wouldn’t stop dreading it. Having one person ripped from my life was enough and three more were scheduled to vacate the premises in a decade or so. Who in his right mind would sign up to let someone else in, knowing the heartbreak waiting for him when she was gone? Not this guy.
Instead of trying to explain any of that to the Tarringtons, I shrugged like it wasn’t the worst idea I’d heard in a year. “Yeah, maybe.”
Isaac and Gwen grinned victoriously at each other and I moved the conversation back to business, hoping nothing more would come of the Lisa situation.
Chapter Two
Amelia
The last time I came to Wildrose Landing, my best friend’s life had just fallen apart. Oh, how things had changed. Evie McAllister went from living on my couch, to meeting the love of her life and living happily-ever-after in a quaint New England town.
And me?
Lately, I’d felt untethered. The optimism I’d worked so hard to cultivate floated just out of reach and the more I stretched to recapture it, the further it drifted. An old limiting belief started keeping me awake at night, one I’d conquered years before: When something good comes along, it’ll just be taken from me.
Which didn’t make sense!
I lived a perfectly wonderful life and, sure I missed Evie’s company, but having my living room back was a huge win. Even still, the thought circled my head when I least expected it, with memories of how much fun it was to have her staying with me juxtaposing my now very solitary apartment. I hated it, not only because of the uncomfortable feelings, but also because it felt like going backwards.
Negative thoughts hadn’t plagued me in years. I’d very purposefully become an eternal optimist, impervious to worry as long as I remembered to trust my higher self.