She recalled being at a party at Raye Douglas’ home. Sasha had been invited by someone so low on the totem pole she’d been certain she’d be asked to leave or not allowed in. The house had been huge, a decorator’s dream, beyond anything Sasha had ever seen in her life, and the guests were household names.
She’d felt so out of place, and when the handsome guy with a military bearing strode up to her and began to make conversation, she’d been relieved to no longer be alone. The sparks flew from the moment they’d locked eyes as he’d approached. They ended up in a small corner area, sitting and talking for most of the night. Sasha had grabbed champagne glass after champagne glass off the passing caterers’ trays as they got to know each other.
To her shock, they’d fallen into a relationship, but Sasha had dreams, the main one not to give up herself and her career the way her mother had, to follow her musician father around wherever a gig took him.
And then came Xander.
Knowing she’d gotten lost in the past, she glanced at Cassidy. “I need to see him before shooting starts. To clear the air if nothing else. I can’t show up the first day I have to be in character and have the pressure of dealing with him hanging over me.”
Even if the thought of meeting him face-to-face for the first time since they’d broken up turned her stomach. “Besides, if there’s an author for the story and they’re an on-set consultant, you know I like to get their take on the character I’m playing. It makes it easier to get into their skin.”
Cassidy’s expression grew serious. “Are you over him? Because this can get messy. I worried when you took the role and—”
“I love Isaac Reynolds,” she said of the director. “The last time I worked with him was a dream. They lost their leading actress, and the movie is a guaranteed blockbuster. Every Steele movie is.”
But Cassidy pursed her lips, studying Sasha intently. “You didn’t mention Xander in your reasons, and I don’t believe for a minute that seeing him again didn’t factor into your decision.”
Sasha clenched her hands. “So what if it did?” She’d never forgotten him and had always wanted the chance to make things right.
“There’ll be more Steele movies. This character is a long-term commitment,” Cassidy reminded her.
Sasha’s stomach clenched. “I’m aware.”
“So you wanted to see him again. And again and again?”
Sasha picked up a pillow and tossed it at her friend. “Stop. I just need to know he doesn’t hate me.” And maybe she still wanted him to have feelings for her, too.
She didn’t know and wouldn’t until she saw him face-to-face. Not that it mattered. He wouldn’t want anything to do with her beyond the movie. She’d hurt him badly in so many ways.
The truth was, she’d been all of nineteen, new to Hollywood, wanting to make it big, and had both her agent and her co-star pushing her to do things that would keep the media focus on them. Make them look important. Help them become hot commodities.
It’d been so hard to say no to their ideas and plans. They’d kept her so busy she didn’t have time to overthink her choices or even see Xander often enough to make a relationship work. And she’d also had her mother’s voice in her head, telling her not to make the mistakes she had. Reminding her to follow her dreams, that love was fleeting. And then she’d point out all Sasha’s father’s misdeeds.
And her life wasn’t much different now. Her days were hectic, busy, and she was constantly on the go.
“Hey. What’s going on?” Cassidy asked, interrupting Sasha’s thoughts. “Is it just that Xander stirred up old memories that’s got you thrown?”
Sasha rose to her feet and paced her bedroom. “No. I mean that’s some of it, but I just wrapped up one movie and I expected to have some time off, then this role came up and I jumped at the opportunity.” The chance to see Xander, to work near him, had been impossible to resist. “But if it had been anything else?” She glanced up and shook her head. “I’m tired, Cass.”
Going from one film to the next, moving countries, cities, rarely being here in the home she’d bought and decorated. Her mother lived in a guesthouse on the property, which let Sasha see her when she was around, but it wasn’t often.
Cassidy was in tune with her feelings and obviously sensed Sasha needed to talk, so she remained silent and listened. When the time came for her opinion, Cass never had trouble giving it, even if it was something Sasha wouldn’t want to hear.
“It’s like I’m living a life most people would envy, yet as much as I hate to admit it, I feel … empty. And that makes me feel guilty and ungrateful because look how much I have.” She gestured around to her big bedroom with the most comfortable bed she could own and the décor of her dreams in cream and white with touches of pale pink. She wasn’t living her dreams, she’d exceeded them.
Cassidy rose and stepped over to her. “You set up a charity for kids in the downtown areas. You provide computers to schools and clothes for people who can’t afford it when their children outgrow what they own. You’re doing good with what you have. Stop it with the guilt. But I am concerned about everything you’re saying. If you’re not happy…”
Sasha shrugged and pulled in a deep breath of air. “I’m excited about this role. Whatever happens next, let’s just say we’ll see. Maybe I’ll slow down, take a break, reevaluate.”
“Your agent is not going to take you slowing down well. Neither will your mother.”
Cassidy was correct. Sasha’s mom had already lit into her for accepting a role that brought Xander back into her life, warning her not to get involved with him again, not to let a man derail her career and all she’d worked for. And Rebecca Burton, her agent, was all about keeping up momentum while Sasha was hot.
Sasha groaned, not wanting to deal with their pressure, either. “I’ll worry about them later. How about you? Would you have a problem if I didn’t jump into another movie right away?”
“Hell no. I’m team Sasha all the way.” Cassidy gave her a bright smile. “Now let’s talk about you seeing Xander. What’s your plan?”
Sasha laid out her agenda. “Filming starts next week.”
She only had two weeks on set because this movie was her character’s introduction to the franchise. She’d have more screen time with each consecutive movie. At least, that was how the role had been pitched to her.
She glanced at Cassidy, who was waiting for her to continue. “We’re getting in early, like I always do before shooting, to get a feel for the city we’re in, the people we’re working with on set. And in this case, with so little time, I’d like the man who created the character to give me insight into how she thinks and who she is.”
A smile lifted Cassidy’s lips. “Xander.”
Sasha nodded. “Xander. But I have to break the ice first. We have to talk and get to a point where we can work together. So I’m going to have to surprise him and hope he doesn’t throw me out.” Nerves assaulted her at the mere thought of approaching him again for the first time in years.
“Do you have his address?”