“They weren’t,” she said in a strong voice, and he actually believed her and acknowledged the point with a nod.
“But I also knew I couldn’t live the Hollywood life. Your life.”
She sighed but remained silent.
Xander had solid reasons for his feelings. He’d grown up with a father who’d been a serial cheater, and he’d resolved never to be that man or to accept it in his life, as his mother had. Plus, he’d already been fed up with LA. He’d been alone in a city and living a lifestyle he hated. The woman he loved had been halfway around the world, and there was nothing about their relationship that was sustainable. Not for him. Not when she’d allowed things to happen that would hurt him in order to get ahead.
Since they opened these old wounds, he might as well be one-hundred-percent honest with her. “I knew I’d always come third or fourth in your priorities. I just put an end to it before you did, by leaving.”
She stiffened at the reminder. “Before I came back and over Facetime.” She clasped her hands tightly on the table in front of her.
“I guess we both did what we thought was best at the time.”
She jerked at his parallel use of her words and scowled at him.
“You still haven’t explained why you’re not flying high on your success now,” he said.
The server returned to their table. “Are you ready to order?” she asked, politely.
“Can you give us another few minutes?” Xander wanted this conversation over and done with, not to be revisited.
“Of course,” the woman said.
Once she left, he met Sasha’s gaze.
“I’m just tired,” she said. “Not with acting. You have nothing to worry about when it comes to me playing Amanda. It’s just some of the other things that go with the career that are draining me. It’s been like a merry-go-round lately, going from one film to the next, one country to another.” She lifted her shoulder and lowered it again. “But I know how lucky I am to have achieved so much so quickly. I’ll just take a break after this movie and I’ll be fine.” Her gaze darted from his, and he had the distinct sense she wasn’t telling him everything.
But she didn’t owe him an explanation, and now he had a better understanding of … nothing. He’d asked the question, hoping for insight into the woman he’d once loved, and he’d wound up being the one who rehashed the low points of their relationship. Once he’d started, he hadn’t been able to stop, barely giving her a chance to talk.
He ran his hand over his head and, not for the first time, debated growing out his hair. At least he’d have something to pull on when shit went south.
He glanced at her. “I think we should arrange for a car to pick us up after we eat. Hopefully we can avoid fan craziness if someone posts you’re here on social media.”
“I already texted my assistant and she’s taking care of it.” A wry smile lifted her lips and she shrugged. “It’s part of my life.”
He nodded, hating that she lived this kind of life all the more.
When it came time to order, Sasha chose a chicken breast paillard, and Xander opted for a pizza with prosciutto, tomato, and mozzarella.
They changed the subject to the character of Amanda in his novel, spending the meal and their coffee discussing the strong woman he’d written to be Steele’s new dynamic female lead. A woman who could stand up to the Marine, much more than his wife ever had, and one who would ultimately become a partner in his adventures. Sasha asked intriguing questions, forcing Xander to think about the character from an entirely different perspective.
The tension from earlier evaporated, and their old dynamic reappeared, in both the back-and-forth dialogue between them and in her joking and teasing to his more serious persona. Somehow, they meshed. He’d forgotten just how well. Despite the rehashing of history earlier, he relaxed as they talked and enjoyed their time together.
But now he stared at the woman in front of him, seeing her in a new light. She possessed a fresh confidence in her abilities that came with experience, and she wasn’t afraid to offer differing opinions on motivation and conflict, things she’d need to know in order to create and become Amanda. He found everything about her, from her intelligence to her gorgeous face with that pert nose and full lips, so fucking sexy. She’d matured in so many ways. Which made him realize just how young she really had been when they were together before.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Sasha asked, eyes gleaming as they had since they’d stopped talking about the past and begun concentrating on the present.
He shook his head and pushed aside the coffee he’d been drinking. “I’m just impressed with your ability to get inside Amanda’s head. It’s like you’re understanding what I was thinking when I wrote her, only on a deeper level.”
She beamed at his compliment, her cheeks flushed pink. “I really liked her when I read the book, and I love discussing all aspects of a character I’m going to play.”
“Did you get enough information from me?” he asked.
She studied him intently before answering. “For now,” she said, a teasing smile on her face.
The server placed the check on the table, and Xander immediately nabbed the bill and put his credit card inside. She left a few mints on the table, and while they waited for the check, Sasha popped one into her mouth. Xander did the same.
Once he signed and paid, he led her out through the back entrance hoping to avoid any fan encounters. Without thinking, his hand came to rest on her lower back, and his palm came in contact with bare skin.
His entire being reacted to the feel of soft female flesh. Of Sasha’s flesh. Even his dick, which he’d kept under control during dinner, rose up and made an appearance.
Before he could deal with his body’s reaction, the flash of camera lights went off and people surrounded them, all trying to get a picture of Sasha and, Xander was sure, the man with her so they could make up lies about their relationship. So much for avoiding the fans.
One man in particular grabbed her arm and tried to pull her away. Xander already had a hand on her back and managed to slide his arm around her waist and yank her tight against him. Rushing, he pushed through the crowd, all the while fighting his racing heart. Sweat covered his body but he managed to remain in the present. He always did. Unless he heard a loud sound that reminded him of Afghanistan, he’d be able to hold on to reality. Or so the therapist he’d seen when he’d come home had told him.
Fear for her filled him much more than any kind of panic for himself, because he’d heard stories of crazed fans lunging for famous targets and doing damage.
Xander caught sight of a man in a suit standing ready by the back door of a dark sedan.
“Miss Kingston,” he said, pulling open the door as they reached him.
Xander pushed her inside before joining her. The driver slammed the door shut and a few moments later, he was behind the wheel, driving them away from the crowd.
Chapter Four
Once in the back seat of the car, Sasha leaned back, her heart pounding in her chest. Being accosted by fans as well as photographers was a scary thing, and she tried hard not to be noticed but since becoming a household name, if she was spotted, she reacted accordingly, taking her safety seriously. In LA she grudgingly used security, but she’d really thought nobody would look for her in New York before filming started. She’d been so stupid to think she could go out and not be recognized.