Jack passed them by in his truck, stopping to let a couple cross the street. His gaze caught Gwen's, and she had to remember how to breathe.
"Now, he's a fine specimen," said Helen slyly.
"Who is?"
"Don't try to play coy. That fisherman. I've seen him around. Is he single?"
"I think so."
Helen nodded. "I've seen him looking at you. He's interested. You should take him up on it."
"Are you trying to set me up?"
"If you're not going to do it, someone has to."
Gwen almost wanted to tell Helen about her failed marriage and the disaster that was her almost-kiss with Jack. But she didn't think Helen would be particularly sympathetic. She'd probably tell Gwen she was being a ninny.
And what would Jack say? Would he be sympathetic? The mere thought of revealing that to him made her anxiety rise. She couldn't bear the idea of him looking at her with pity. Even worse, she couldn't bear the thought that he'd decide she wasn't worth the trouble after all. What man wanted to deal with her baggage, with no guarantee that she'd ever be able to have sex with him?
She wasn't going to doom someone to that kind of relationship. Helen didn't understand. Gwen wasn't just protecting herself: she was protecting anyone foolish enough to get involved with her.
Chapter Seven
When Jack's phone beeped, he wished once again that he hadn't caved and bought a cell phone. He blamed his customers: too many had had last-minute changes to their orders, which he'd miss because he didn't have a cell phone. So he'd finally gotten a very basic flip phone that didn't have GPS or Internet or any of that nonsense.
It did, however, have texting capabilities. Which Luke Wright had been taking advantage of the moment Jack had let slip he'd gotten a cell phone.
Did you talk to Gwen yet? Luke wrote. She hasn't contacted me yet.
In the middle of his breakfast, Jack felt the eggs in his mouth turn to ash. How did he explain that Gwen was avoiding him still and that he didn't know how to get her to trust him again? I almost kissed her, she flipped out. Yeah, Luke would enjoy that text way too much.
Been busy, Jack replied.
Time is money, dude. Get on it.
Luke was right: Jack was wasting time. Grunting, he quickly finished his breakfast and headed into town. After a handful of errands for supplies, he parked his truck outside Gwen's apartment.
He knew she didn't work on Thursday mornings, every other week. Her car was still in her parking spot.
"Just fucking do it," he muttered to himself.
When Gwen opened her door, he said, "I need to talk to you. About Luke. Nothing else."
Gwen blinked. She was wearing glasses, something Jack had only seen a handful of times. It made her green eyes bigger. Her hair was in a messy bun that Jack wanted to sift his fingers through. And worst of all, she was wearing a see-through camisole and silk shorts that left little to the imagination.
"Um, okay. Do you want some coffee? I just made a pot."
Gwen hurried to the kitchen. Jack had only been to her place once, and he hadn't even stepped inside. As he'd expect of Gwen, her place was spotless. The only sign someone lived here was the used bowl and spoon next to the sink and the blanket left on the gray couch.
Gwen had gone to put on a robe, much to Jack's disappointment. She gestured for him to sit on one of the barstools in the kitchen. After they'd both gotten their coffees, Jack launched into what he'd needed to say.
He told her about his meeting with Luke. He explained how Luke was interested in Gwen's restaurant idea but that he wanted her to present him with a business plan first. Jack pulled out a business card of Luke's.
"This is great," said Gwen, staring at the business card. "I honestly didn't think he'd be interested."
"Why not?"
"Because..." She shrugged. "He's a Wright. They have lots of money to throw around. Why invest in some piddly island restaurant?"
"Luke himself isn't rich."
Gwen's smile was wry. "Okay, maybe not technically, but he will be. And I doubt he lacks for much. Regardless, thank you. You taking the time to talk to him means a lot to me. Not a lot of people would want to go to the trouble."
Jack just grunted. He didn't want her gratitude. He wanted...what? Whatever it is, you aren't going to get it.
Gwen was drumming her fingers against her coffee mug. She hadn't sat down next to Jack, instead standing on the other side of the counter, as if she needed something between them.
Jack finally broke the silence. "You've been avoiding me."
Gwen's fingers stopped their drumming. A blush crawled up her cheeks. "You noticed?"
"Yeah, I noticed. I don't know how to make things go back to the way they were."
"You didn't do anything wrong. Seriously. This is all me."
Jack couldn't help but snort at that assertion. "The 'it's not you, it's me' excuse? Come on, now, we both know that's bullshit. I tried to kiss you, but you don't think of me like that. I fucked it up."
Jack was rarely this forthright, at least with subjects like this, but he was desperate. He hated that Gwen couldn't be comfortable around him anymore. Mostly, he hated himself for screwing everything up.
"What? No. It's not like that," replied Gwen hurriedly.
Now Jack was getting irritated. "Then how about you explain it to me since I'm apparently too dense to understand?"
She bit her bottom lip. Not meeting his gaze, she said heavily, "My divorce messed me up."
Jack just waited.
"Well, not the divorce itself. That was necessary. I mean, my ex. Or rather, he made me realize something about myself that I'm not proud of."
She swallowed hard, meeting Jack's gaze now. "I'm not good at dating or relationships. My marriage failed mostly because of me. I don't want to repeat that mistake and make another man unhappy." She shook her head. "I'm keeping my distance because it's better for everyone in the long run."
Jack just gaped at her. "That's the biggest bunch of shit I've ever heard," he spat.
Gwen's blush deepened. "See? This is why I didn't want to tell you. Now you're telling me I'm lying—"
Getting up from the stool, Jack stalked to the other side of the counter, forcing Gwen to back up. "Lying? I don't think you're lying, except maybe to yourself. Do you really expect me to believe you ruined your marriage? Somebody like you?"
"For all you know, I cheated on my husband ten times over."
Jack snorted. "Did you? Is that what you're saying?"
Gwen had raised her chin, defiant, but she quickly looked deflated. "No. I didn't cheat. Not in the usual way, I guess. But I betrayed my vows." Her lower lip started to tremble, tears sparkling in her eyes. "If you really want to know, I couldn't have sex. Okay? I'm broken. There's something wrong with me and I can't exactly be in a relationship or even date if I can't ever have sex."
Jack felt like the world was tipping on its axis. She couldn't have sex? He'd never heard of such a thing. Either you wanted sex, or you didn't.