“Does he criticize it?”
“That’s all he ever does… I mean, he jokes about it.”
“Miles is your older brother, you said?”
“Oldest brother.”
“And you take his jokes about you seriously?”
“No. I know he’s joking. That’s what my family does. We joke about things. We’re all a bunch of sarcastic assholes. Especially Miles. I just don’t see why I should change the way I am when it comes to the way I am with women. I don’t see what’s wrong with being open and loving and committed and monogamous and consistent. I don’t see why they think I’m the one with the problem. That’s all I’m saying.”
“They meaning your family?”
“Yes.”
“But especially Miles?”
“I guess. Yeah.”
“Well, you certainly sound like you have a great attitude about romantic relationships. May I ask why you’re in therapy if you don’t think you should change?”
“I like the idea of paying someone so that I can talk to them about this stuff without being made fun of.”
“How long have you been in therapy?”
“Off and on for six years.”
“So you do like it? Being in therapy?”
“Yeah. Especially today.” He says it without smirking this time. A genuine statement.
I almost smile at that. But I don’t. “So…you haven’t changed because of it? The six years of therapy?”
“Not really.”
“And you don’t want to change anything about your relationship patterns?”
“I mean, I think it would be good for me to date someone who isn’t an actress for a change.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Do you not agree?”
“I haven’t formed an opinion yet. I’d like to hear you talk about why you think things would be different if you date someone who isn’t an actress, if you’re willing to tell me.”
“I’m very willing. It’s because I’ve never done that before. I could use the change.”
“So you do need to change?”
He grins. “I don’t need to change who I am. I want to see what it would be like to change my pattern.” He isn’t defensive, just straightforward.
It’s never that simple, but there’s something so genuine about this guy. I have to say, I’m impressed that he was able to shift into talking so openly about things. He’s right—he might not have an anxious or avoidant attachment style. I’m not saying he isn’t a little bit cocky, but he’s not totally in denial. He’s pretty self-aware. Of course he is—he’s an actor.
I need to change my pattern too—by not being attracted to actors. Especially not pretty boy actors. His eyelashes are so long, if you caught one of them on your fingertip, blew on it, and made a wish—twenty wishes would come true.
I definitely don’t need to start being attracted to clients.
“I was just thinking, earlier, that all I really want in a relationship is sex and a sandwich.”
God dammit, that’s what I want too.
“Could you elaborate?”
“I mean, I think that’s how my brother would put it.”
“Miles?”
“No, Owen. The good brother. He’s pretty good at distilling things down to a few words. And they usually involve some kind of sandwich. But I think that in my past relationships, it’s been very passionate and fun. But not exactly nurturing.”
“The relationships or the women?”
He thinks about that for a few seconds. “Both.”
“What would a nurturing relationship look or feel like, to you?”
“Caring. More stable. Concern for each other’s well-being. Shared goals and values. Still passionate. But comfortable. Genuine. I mean, I love the high of falling in love with someone. But it would be nice if there could be…a safe place to land with that person too. And just be there together.”
“A grounded relationship.”
“Exactly. But not without the walking on air part.”
“I do like that term—a safe place to land with someone. Do you feel that you have that with your family? Did you have that growing up?”
“Yeah, it was safe. It was grounded. I mean, everyone always had their own thing going on. So, I don’t know. But yeah, no. It’s not like I had an unstable upbringing. I guess I just haven’t always gotten what I wanted from my family right when I needed it. Sometimes. But not always. Does anyone? Can we just blame everything on my family and then talk about what I want in a relationship some more?”
“It’s up to you what we talk about here, Dylan. If you’d like to continue, I think we should pick this up again next week.”
“So you’re not going to have me committed? That’s good news.”
“I thought you said you like being committed.”
Shit. That was banter. Shut it down.
He doesn’t impulsively reply with anything witty or flirtatious, which is surprising.
He just gives me a knowing look and smiles. “Well, I would like to continue this discussion next week. I like talking to you.” He stands up, nods once. “Good talk.”
“Good talk.” I stand up too, realizing I didn’t take any notes at all while he was talking. I’ve just been staring at him. “You got that parking ticket? I validated it for you, right?”
He pats his back pocket. His butt looks so cute in those jeans. God dammit.
“Got it.”
“Okay, well, drive safe and have a good week.”
He places his hand on the door handle. “You too.”
“Have a good dinner.”
What?
Shut up, mouth.
Let him go.
He opens the door to the waiting area. “You too, Dr. Shepard. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Thank you.”
He shuts the door and he’s gone.
Well, that didn’t end like an awkward first date at all.
I can definitely help him.
He’s going to make some lucky woman a great boyfriend someday.
Just not me.
Take that, Caddyshack gopher thoughts.
6
Dylan
ME: Frankie! How’s it going, buddy?
FRANKIE: RUOK? Is that code for something? Have you been kidnapped?
ME: No, I just need to know if your friend has any personal information about Dr. Shepard. The therapist.
FRANKIE: Nope.
ME: Did you ask her?
FRANKIE: No, and I’m not going to. Did you have your first session with her or something?
ME: Just ask her if she knows if Dr. Shepard has another last name. I’m not a stalker. I just want to see if I can find any pics of her that I can stare at until my next session.
FRANKIE: I should not have told you about her.
ME: You absolutely did the right thing. She’s going to be really good for me, I can tell. I just need to be able to see her face without her knowing I’m looking at her because she won’t date me. That sounds weird, but it’s actually respecting her boundaries.
FRANKIE: Look, I’m in no place to judge anyone because I’m the nanny who banged her employer that she obsessively hated because she thought she was a funnier comedian than he was and also because it’s just dumb how handsome he is. But I’m pretty sure this is more messed up than that.