Getting a new phone was the last thing I’d do on my list, what I planned to do first thing tomorrow. When Jerry would expect me to wake up and call to check in from my sister’s in Denver, I’d planned to be backing up over my phone with this stupid used car. But if the money situation isn’t sorted out, that could mean a major problem. Keeping this phone means keeping one very clear path between Jerry and me open. And I intend to set fire to that path and never, ever look back.
In the meantime, I’m sticking with my old-school escape route. I check my notes, fold the map back up, and start the car, heading east toward the coast.
“Can I pick the music?” Zoey asks, squinting at the sunshine beaming through the windows.
“Yeah, baby, but only what’s on the radio.”
One of the only lies I’ve ever told my daughter, I told her this morning. The first was that Jerry Cruz, Zo, and I would be a forever family. But I sure as hell believed that to be true when I married that man two years ago. The second lie was this morning. She’d packed her iPad for the spring break trip everyone thought we were taking to visit my sister in Colorado. We loaded our suitcases into the car, our overnight bags, and Zoey held her iPad in her hands while we kissed Cruz goodbye.
“Call me when you land,” he said. He held me by the upper arms, his favorite way to keep me close, to limit my ability to move out of his constant orbit. “Alice,” he said, using my name like a curse. His fingers bit into my flesh, hard enough to make me suck in a breath but not hard enough to draw Zoey’s attention. “Don’t forget me while you’re with your sister. You know I don’t like when you’re away.”
I swallowed hard and leaned forward, pouring every ounce of fake affection I could muster into my voice. “Baby,” I crooned, “you know I hate being away from you. But a little spring break visit to her auntie will be good for Zoey. I’ll call you constantly.”
“Make sure that you do,” he said. He kissed me, still holding fast to my arms. Then he turned his attention to my daughter. “Zoey, come here,” he demanded.
The coffee soured in my stomach as I watched my daughter walk up to him, clutching her iPad in her hands.
“Yes, Daddy?” she said, like the well-trained seal he wanted her to be.
“I know you’re not going to like Colorado much,” he said, kneeling to meet her at eye level. He glanced at me, sending me an unspoken message with the ice in his eyes. “If you get bored, or if your aunt Rayne starts saying anything you think is wrong, you come right home. We live in the most beautiful state in the country, and you’re going off to goddamn Denver for spring break.”
I cringed. Not at his cursing, but at his not-so-subtle attempts to plant ideas in Zoey’s head. He didn’t want us to visit my sister. Didn’t want us more than an arm’s reach away. He didn’t like when I talked to Rayne, didn’t like, didn’t want, didn’t everything.
It was Jerry Cruz’s way, or no way at all. And this was the classic Cruz maneuver. Infiltrate someone’s thoughts and opinions by planting his own in a way that seemed so reasonable, so normal, only a crazy person would think he was anything but a dedicated, caring man. After two years married to Jerry Cruz and resisting his attempts at gaining absolute control over my every thought and belief, I felt like a bona fide, stark raving lunatic. It took everything in me not to yank my daughter from his clutches and run right then.
“Okay, Daddy. I’ll miss you.” Zoey repeated what she knew she was expected to say, her voice flat and her eyes dull. My heart caught. She was like a little robot with him. Well-trained. Knowing her place.
“See that?” He grinned, pulling little Zoey into a hug. “She already misses her daddy.” He released my daughter and stepped close to me. “It’s not too late, Alice,” he hissed against my ear. “I can book you and Zoey a mommy-daughter spa day, you can go to the beach. There’s no reason to go to Denver for spring break, is there? To go so far from home…”
“But Auntie Rayne got a puppy!” Zoey exclaimed, for a moment, the little girl in her forgetting that she wasn’t supposed to interrupt the adults.
Jerry clenched his jaw and grabbed my arm again, tighter this time. “Alice,” he warned.
“Zoey, honey,” I said, more earnest than ever for her to listen, for her to meet Cruz’s every expectation to the letter. At least for one more hour. One more hour. “Please don’t interrupt Daddy Jerry, okay? Please apologize for being rude.”
Zoey looked near tears, but she nodded. “I’m sorry, Daddy, but…”
“Zoey.” His bark was so sudden and so loud, Zoey flinched as though she’d been hit. She looked down at the new powder-blue tennis shoes we’d bought to wear on our special spring break trip. They matched the princess dress and baseball cap.
I swallowed hard, and Zoey stifled any sounds. She hung her head, and I could see the defeat sagging her shoulders.
At six, she already knew what it meant to be controlled. To give in. To bend her natural instincts to the will of someone stronger and more powerful. But all that was about to end.
“We need to load up the car!” I reminded her, putting on my most cheerful voice. Jerry still held my arm in a vise-like grip. I turned to him and gave him a sweet, sultry smile. “She’s not behaving because of all the excitement. She’s really excited to go on a plane, Jerry. I’ll talk to her,” I promised.
He looked at me with disgust. “I wonder if canceling the trip would teach her a lesson,” he said.
Although my heart raced so hard I was sure Jerry could feel my pulse through my arm, I composed my face to stay calm.
He couldn’t.
We couldn’t cancel.
This was our only way out. Months of planning would be down the drain.
“I’ll deal with it, sweetheart,” I said, the endearment tasting like shit on my tongue. “Let’s not cause a stir with my sister or anyone outside the family.” While Jerry normally didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought about what he did, he did know that canceling on my sister—whom I hadn’t seen but two times since Jerry and I were married—would cause some concerns.
Maybe prompt her to visit us here in Florida. And he definitely did not want that.
“We’ll check in with you in a few hours, and we’ll be back before you know it,” I reassured him.
He released my arm but put a hand behind my neck and pulled me roughly to his face. The kiss he gave me wasn’t one of love or lust. Jerry was the only man I’d ever met who could convey hatred with his lips.
“Mom!”
I jerk my head and meet Zoey’s eyes in the rearview mirror, my memories of the morning shattering with the sound of the voice that gives my life purpose. “What, baby? What is it?”
She raises her cute little eyebrows at me. “You said I could pick the music.”
I huff a sigh of relief.
Right. That.
I flick on the radio and fiddle with the stations until we find a pop station that will hopefully have mostly kid-friendly music. It’s been so long since I played any music other than a custom streaming playlist, I have no idea what to expect from music on the radio.
After we said our goodbyes to Jerry and packed up the SUV, we drove to long-term parking at the airport, while Jerry headed off to work.