“I’ll be back to check on her,” he said.
“You’re welcome to,” Meridia told him, although there was grief in her as she said it. Any chance Zee might have had with this strong, determined man was gone. She’d never look at him without remembering her humiliation at the hands of Niko Whelan. Again. No, he hadn’t been here to do it himself, but Niko was the reason this had happened. Again.
Meridia wished, for once, that she was more like her father, that her rage could be as icy as the ocean’s heart. But she had too much of her mother in her and her rage was pure fire.
Taut moments passed in silence once they were alone, just Donner, Chassy, Colby and the trembling Therian wolf Meridia clutched tight against her heart.
“Zee.”
One hand came up and gripped Meridia’s bicep. “It hurts, Meri. Like it’s eating me alive inside. It’s never been this bad.”
One night, several years back, Zee had finally confided to Meridia, told her why she was a wolf alone even though everything about her screamed of a need for family, for a pack.
Meridia had been subtly shoving men she knew were strong enough for Zee ever since, but Zee rebuffed each and every one. When Meridia called her on it just months ago, Zee had said softly, “The one time I went on a date with an Atargarian, a Therian coyote saw us. There was a fight. I’ll never be responsible for that again, Meri. Ever. If you push it, I’ll leave.”
If Zee left, she’d be truly alone, away from anybody who understood enough, or cared enough.
“I know. Listen to my voice, baby,” Meridia said, covering Zee’s hand with her own and squeezing tight, almost to the point of pain. “Breathe in. You’re not alone. I’m here. Donner’s here. Chassy’s here.”
Zee shuddered so hard, Meridia’s grip on her loosened a fraction. Turning her face toward the other woman’s, she kissed Zee on the temple. “Breathe. Focus. Or do you want that mangy wolf to find out how bad it is? Because that fucking wolf over there will tell him. They’re friends.” Speaking in a voice too low for anybody but Zee to hear, Meridia let the scorn she felt drip from her words even as she hated herself for jabbing at old wounds.
If nothing else, Zee’s pride would strengthen her enough to help her move, stand.
For now, it would have to suffice.
And it worked.
Do you want that mangy wolf to find out...
The wounded, miserable loneliness inside her was almost as big as the twin hungers, even at the best of times.
Now, as she huddled on the floor like the most broken of wolves, Zee flinched. Her eyes stung, but no tears came. She’d cried herself dry over Niko. There were no tears left to give him or anybody else.
The vicious hunger twisted and tore at her, near debilitating in its strength. She tightened her grip on Meridia until she would have torn skin and shattered bones had the other woman been human.
As it was, the woman just grunted and said, “That’s it. Find your mad.”
Zee didn’t even have any mad left, just the broken, shattered remnants of her pride but it was enough to help her stand, straight, her spine rigid despite the savage agony inside. She didn’t look at the Therian though, barely even breathed because the scent of him was a reminder of everything she’d lost.
“You have thirty seconds,” Meridia bit off.
Dully, Zee wondered what Meridia meant.
Then the man spoke.
“Your father was injured while rescuing Appalachia young, Zee... nia.” The brief hesitation was there, heard by all. “He’s dying. You’ve been asked to return home, to your pack and family so you can bid him goodbye and they can be with you as you mourn.”
Lost under the crushing weight that had just dropped on her, she finally let herself look at the man in front of her. “I have no pack, no family, no home,” she said in a voice even she knew sounded wrong. “I’ve been without those things for more than ten years.”
His eyes slid to Meridia and he opened his mouth to speak, but Donner stepped between them.
“Your time is up. Remember, you’re no longer welcome in any territory controlled by the Atlantic Atargarians. And it might not be smart to go swimming out in the Pacific either.” Donner’s smile was toothy and sharp, promising bad, bad things.
Zee heard the words, but like everything else over the past several minutes, they were quickly lost as another wave of pain, brought on sensory deprivation, slammed into her. She bit her lip to keep from crying out and it didn’t help. She bit harder and tasted blood.
Now, on top of the physical pain, there was the emotional blow she’d just been dealt.
Although she hadn’t let herself think of her father in so long, inside, the girl who’d once wanted so badly to please him, cried out.
Daddy...
“GO,” ZEE SAID IN A wooden voice after Meridia had paced through the small apartment over the store next to the pub.
But Meridia resisted, moving to stand in front of Zee instead. “Let me help, Zee. We’re friends. I don’t want to see you suffer.”
“No.” Zee wrapped her arms around herself, humiliated and broken inside, but not so much that she’d accept this from the first person who’d ever really known her, cared for her, just because she liked her.
The gnawing, keening ravenous emptiness inside Zee was nothing she’d allow her friend to see. Zee truly had no real interest in being intimate with another woman, although she’d maybe considered it a few times, when the need was so strong it almost drove her mad.
But from her dearest friend? No.
Not that her wants mattered. The part of her that starved for touch, more than touch, roused at Meridia’s offer, lunging up to grab even as Zee slammed it down.
Meridia gave her a helpless look, something so at odds with the primal intense strength of the woman who’d one day rule a huge swatch of the aquatic territories.
“Zee, please... It’s killing me to see you like this.” She touched Zee’s cheek.
And Zee flinched, jerking back.
Because the touch hurt.
“I don’t want a pity fuck, Meri.”
Meri didn’t flinch, didn’t blush. “You know it’s more than that. Please, honey.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Shame filled her now, because Zee did know. Swallowing, she averted her gaze. “But it won’t help, Meri. Please... Just go.”
Meridia swore under her breath and gave her a fulminating look.
“I’ll rip his testicles off and tie them into a knot, then choke him with the shredded remains,” she swore. Without waiting for an answer, she cut around Zee, careful not to touch, and left.
Zee’s knees gave way in the next second and she sprawled on the floor while the ache of denied need twisted and twined through her. The wolf howled and raged.
And the other part, the darker part, the feral, maddening hunger, it shredded at her willpower.
Go, it shrieked. Find a lover... let me free. If not the Regnar, then somebody else. He won’t be able to resist me. Let me free and nobody will tell you no.
Tears started to fall.
Ignoring them, staring woodenly at the ceiling overhead, Zee unbuttoned her jeans and kicked them off, along with her boots.
Then, completely alone, she locked the mad demon away and slid a hand down her belly, the hot swollen folds between her thighs.