There was a tired-looking nurse at the front desk and I approached her at a fast clip.
“Excuse me. I’m looking for Ben and Lauren Whitmer.”
The nurse frowned. “I don’t think we have anyone by that name…” Her voice trailed off as she typed into her computer. Then her face changed a little. “Oh. I’m sorry, who are you?”
“I’m…a friend of the family. The police came to the house to tell us there was some kind of accident.” I met her gaze, losing hope with each passing second as I watched the emotions on her face. “Do you have any information you could tell me?”
“I’m afraid I can only talk to immediate family or—”
“It’s all right, Jan.” One of the policemen from the house had obviously followed me here. He placed a hand on my shoulder and walked me a few feet away from the desk area. “Mr. Kirby, your friend and his wife didn’t survive the accident. I’m very sorry.”
“You can’t…” My voice trailed off and I swallowed. There was something scratchy behind my eyes and I stood there, frozen. “Are you sure?” I finally whispered.
“We’re so sorry, Mr. Kirby. Do you know who we might call for them? Is there family? We’ll have to call CPS for the children unless—”
“No, I’m, I’ll…I’m their godfather. I’ll go back there tonight. I just…can I see them?”
“I’m not sure. Let me find out.”
The officer went back to the front desk while I stood stock-still. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. I didn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe it.
“Wes!” Nash came in a few seconds later and the moment he saw me, his step faltered. “Wes?”
“They’re gone, Riles.” I couldn’t even look at him.
“Jesus, no.” He stopped a foot or so away from me. “Are you sure?”
“I, uh, yeah, I think so.” I looked up as the officer approached me.
“Would you like to see your friends? The nurse, Jan, said we can let you in there real quick.”
“I…” My voice trailed off. I’d never seen a dead body. Not up close anyway, and definitely not belonging to my best friend.
“Once they move them to the morgue, you won’t be allowed down there,” the officer said gently.
“Yes. I…yes.”
My feet felt like huge slabs of concrete as I followed the nurse down a nondescript hallway. We walked past all the regular rooms, to a secluded one in the back. The nurse opened the door and I steeled myself before stepping inside.
“No.” My breath left me in a rush and I sagged against the wall. “Fuck, no.” I squeezed my eyes shut and fought against the moisture gathering there, but it was no use.
Ben and Lauren were gone.
Ben. My best friend. My brother. Our team captain. The yin to my yang for fifteen years.
“NO!!!” The word left my chest in a guttural roar and I squatted down to my haunches because I no longer had the strength to stand. I hung my head, pain unlike anything I’d ever felt ripping through my gut.
This couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be happening.
But it was. Ben and Lauren were gone and I had no fucking idea how I was going to get past this.
Chapter Two
Hadley
“Miss Carrie, my mommy and daddy are in heaven,” Annalise explained to the woman who just got to the front of the receiving line at the visitation.
“Hi, I’m one of Annalise’s preschool teachers,” Miss Carrie said to me before getting on her knees to address three-year-old Annalise.
“Yes they are, sweetie,” she said, tears welling in her eyes. “And they’ll always be watching over you.”
“Is that true, Aunt Hadley?” Annalise asked, looking up at me while she gripped my hand.
“It is. Heaven is a place with no more hurts or sadness, and your mom and dad will be able to watch over you from there, always.”
“Can’t they come back, though? I miss them.”
Miss Carrie gave me a sympathetic look.
“I miss them too, love,” I told Annalise, willing myself not to cry. “But no, they can’t come back.”
Her sweet round face fell with sadness. Miss Carrie asked her if she’d like a hug and she said yes. I used the momentary break to take a deep breath and remind myself that I could do this.
The past five days had been a living hell. I’d hardly slept since getting an early-morning phone call that my best friend of eleven years had been killed in a car accident along with her husband.
How? That was the question I kept asking myself. How do the lives of a beautiful, young, happy couple with a three-year-old daughter and a six-month-old son just end without warning? It was unthinkable.
When I got to their St. Louis home later that day, though, and found it filled with Ben’s teammates and other friends of Ben and Lauren, I went into the bathroom and fell to my knees, sobbing.
Life as I knew it was over. Even though I lived in New York City and Lauren lived in St. Louis, we talked several times a day, and we visited each other often. I was Annalise and Benny’s godmother.
Seeing Annalise cry for her mother had been the hardest part. I’d been sleeping with her every night in Ben and Lauren’s bed, telling her to cry as much as she needed to. She was so young, though. Even though she’d be four in a couple months, she couldn’t really comprehend what was going on.
And little Benny would never know his parents. Ben’s mom and dad, Patrick and Susan Whitmer, had traveled to their house from their home in Malibu immediately, and Susan had completely taken over care of Benny. She was rocking him in her arms in the receiving line, her eyes swollen and red.
Her baby boy was gone forever, and having his baby boy in her arms seemed to console her. Lauren’s parents had come for the services, but her mom struggled with MS and her dad was her caregiver. They couldn’t take on full-time care of the kids. Patrick and Susan would do it, though. I dreaded the moment I saw Annalise and Benny for the last time before they left for Malibu. They were my link to Lauren.
I wiped the corners of my eyes, my head bowed, and Annalise took my hand again.
I can do this. For Ben and Lauren, I can hold it together and be there for Annalise. I’ll break down later, when I’m alone.
“Hey, Hadley,” a familiar, deep male voice said.
I looked up and met the clear blue eyes of Wes Kirby. It had been disgust at first sight when we’d met seven years ago, and we’d had nothing but snippy encounters in all the times we’d seen each other since.
Christmases. Baby showers. Christenings. Weekend getaways. Annalise’s birthday parties. Wes was Ben’s best friend and the kids’ godfather. I joked with Lauren in private that Wes was like chronic diarrhea—unpleasant and impossible to escape.
I’d seen Wes at Ben and Lauren’s house in passing the last few days, but neither of us had spoken to each other. But in this moment, as he looked at me with dark circles under his eyes, his tie loosened a little like he’d been tugging on it, I felt like Wes might be the only one who truly knew what I was going through.