"Let me help you get the pants on." He picked up the sweats, opened the waistband for her and crouched in front of her. "Come on."
"I can't do this with you." Her hand shaking with emotion, she set it on Brody's shoulder while she put her foot into the pants.
"Yes, you can." Brody pulled the leg of the pants over her foot, then she set her foot down.
He was still the same. Refusing to talk about her emotions. Refusing to validate them. "Always the peacemaker, aren't you Brody?"
He glanced up at her as he guided her other foot into the pants. "Is that bad?"
"Yes! I mean, no, I know it's what you had to do to survive, to pull people together, so it's fine." She helped him pull her sweats up and then stood there like some helpless fool while he tied the drawstring.
"Clearly, it's not fine," he said evenly. "What's the problem?"
"You." She put her hand on her hip as he rose to his feet. "Your only goal, ever, is to protect your family, to make sure everyone is good and happy. You want everything to work perfectly. There's no room for anything else."
He ground his jaw. "You're in that circle, too, Tatum—"
"No, I'm not. I'll always be on the outside of it. There's no room for anyone inside that circle."
He frowned. "There is, actually. There always has been. I welcomed everyone who came to us. I still do."
He didn't get it. Tatum stared into his beautiful face, the one she had dreamed of for so long, and she knew she'd been right to leave him, no matter how badly it had broken her heart. His protector nature was part of what she'd fallen in love with, and it was the part of his character that made it impossible for them to ever be together. "I know you think that," she said softly.
His brow knitted. "I don't understand."
"I know." She took a breath. "Look, it's fine. I don't want to upset Bella. I'll call Jackson back and we'll figure out something." She held out her hand for his phone.
He didn't hand it to her, and she could see the indecision on his face. If he didn't give her his phone, he'd be trapping her, and taking away her choices. If he did give her the phone, she would leave. He wouldn't want either of those. But those were his choices. "Brody. The phone."
"I'm sorry," he said instead.
Oh, no. She wasn't going back to that place. "Just give me the phone."
"I'm sorry that I put her before you fifteen years ago. I've regretted it every moment of the last fifteen years what I did that night."
Her chest tightened. She didn't want to relive that night. "The phone, please."
"I was wrong," he said, his voice rough. "I thought I had time with you. I thought that you would wait for me while I helped the others."
Her gaze snapped to his face. "That's why you're sorry? Because I left and didn't wait around for you to finally treat me like I mattered? You're sorry that your choice made me leave, and not about what you did?" She stalked over to him, anger suddenly pouring through her. "I loved you, Brody. I was seventeen, and so head over heels for you that all I wanted was to be with you for the rest of my life."
He grimaced. "I know—"
"Do you? Do you know?" She hit his chest with her good hand. "We made love that night. We told each other we loved each other. You promised me forever. And then, what did you do? You offered to marry someone else two days later. What the hell, Brody? What the hell?"
"I'm deeply sorry for that, and I regret it. It was wrong to do that without preparing you—"
"Without preparing me? Are you kidding?" This was the apology she'd dreamed of for so long? This? "Brody, you don't do that. There are certain things you don't do, and one of them is offering to marry someone other than the woman you just announced you'll love forever."
His jaw flexed. "Her father was coming after her. I was giving her the safety of a husband so he couldn’t get her. I couldn’t let her go back—"
"I know." She held up her hands to silence him. "I've heard it all before, Brody. I get it. You're a guardian of others. You protect everyone. You'll sacrifice yourself completely to save others. You're a hero. Whoever is in the most danger gets your attention. Like today. You let Bella run away in tears because someone might kill me. I win right now. Yay for me. Are you going to offer to marry me next, not because you love me, but to keep me safe?"
Brody scowled. "I wouldn't make that choice now. If I offer to marry you, it's because I love you—"
"Here's the thing, Brody. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in such dire straits that I come first. I want to be happy, stable, and good. But if I am, then I know that I will never come first for you. Whoever is in the most trouble comes first."
"I'm not going to walk away from someone in danger—"
"No. I know."
"Then what do you want?"
She met his gaze. "I just wanted to be your special person, Brody. It's all anyone wants. To be that special someone to the person they love. But there won't ever be space for that person in your life. Family is family. I get that. But at the end of the day, there's a special bond with that person you love. Like Jackson. He loves me. But he wasn't going to lie to his husband. Because Ace comes first for him. Period. I want that, and that's not who you are. It's not who you will ever be."
Brody's jaw flexed as he stared at her. "There's room for both in my life, Tatum. I let Bella leave not because you are in danger, but because there is no other you. There never has been. I fucked up when I was eighteen. Would I do it again? Probably. I didn't know what else to do back then. Would I do it now? No. Now, I'll stand here in this room with you for as long as it takes to get another chance with you."
It was her turn to stare at him. "Another chance? You want…another chance?"
He nodded and walked over to her. "When Bella said she wanted me to go to Portland to get you out of my system, she was referring to the fact that I've never gotten over you. You're still the woman I let get away, the woman I never stopped loving."
She swallowed. "We were kids, Brody. Kids in a desperate situation. You have no idea who I am now."
"Then show me. Let me see. Let's try this again."
God, she wanted to. She wanted to so badly. Brody was her safe haven, her first love. Maybe her only love. But she knew what drove him. "You want me right now because I'm in danger again," she said, her voice breaking. "It's not about me. And maybe I want you right now because I'm scared."
He slid his hand into her hair. "And maybe we are drawn together because our souls have always been connected, and we're right for each other."
Tatum wrapped her hand around his wrist. "I can't do this, Brody. I can't do this with you right now. I have an ex-husband who is giving me actual nightmares, and maybe trying to get me killed. There's no way I can do this with you. I just can't."
He said nothing, but his dark brown eyes searched her face. She felt like he was trying to see inside her soul, and she instinctively put up her shields. She didn't let anyone get that close to her anymore. Brody had once, and he was the only one, and that had ripped her heart open. No more. Never again.