Michelle let out a soft sigh. “Neither do I.”
“I did miss you,” he admitted.
“You said that in your email.”
Gabe slid his hand over sheets warmed by their bodies until he found hers on the bed between them, then he laced their fingers together. “And I’m sorry.”
Her lips curved, but she still didn’t look at him. “You already said that too.”
“I needed to say it again.” He waited until she turned her face to him before he went on. “Mich, I’m sorry I lied about leaving. I didn’t know how to tell you, and it took so much finagling—a private scholarship, scraping together loans—I didn’t know it was happening for sure until late in the process.”
Her mouth tightened. “You still could have told me what you were planning.”
“I could have. But I also had this feeling, like if I said it out loud to anyone, it would fall apart. Or my parents would find out and somehow put a stop to it.”
“You were already eighteen.”
“You know that didn’t matter in my house. My father was in total control, and if he knew . . . You remember how he was.”
She squeezed his hand. “I guess he was pretty hard on you.”
I’m eighteen now.
What, you think that’s some magic number?
You can’t control me anymore!
Gabe shut his eyes against the memories. “He’d have worn me down, day after day, with lectures about family and responsibility, about being realistic and not making stupid choices.”
“But I wouldn’t have done that. And I wouldn’t have told your parents.”
He opened his eyes again. “What if you’d tried to stop me?”
“I didn’t, though. When you finally told me—or, rather, when I found out—I didn’t tell you to stay.”
“Because you were angry. If I’d told you earlier, you might have persuaded me not to leave.” He’d hated the thought of leaving her, but he’d also been terrified that he would throw away all his carefully laid plans if she asked.
Michelle arched a brow. “Well, I guess we’ll never know, will we? You didn’t tell me until the last fucking minute, and then you cut me out of your life.”
Gabe’s throat tightened as he remembered the way they’d argued that last time, remembered how much it had hurt. “Because I would’ve come back for you.”
She shook her head slowly. “I don’t know if I believe you.”
He gave a little shrug. “I’m here now, aren’t I?”
“Only because you need me to work on your gym launch.”
He sighed. “I wish that were the only reason. It would make all of this easier if it were.”
“You said downstairs you never made a move because we were friends.”
“That’s right.”
“You mean because you didn’t want to ruin the friendship?”
“That, and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. And what if you . . .” He trailed off, unable to voice his old fears, even now.
What if she didn’t love him back?
“What if I wasn’t attracted to you?” she asked.
Sure, that was good enough. “Yeah.”
“Don’t be silly, Gabe. You were, and are, very attractive.”
“Then why didn’t you make a move?”
“I was about as obvious as someone could be. How many times did I sit on your lap or ask for a back massage?”
“I thought you acted that way because we were best friends.”
“It was because we were best friends. I trusted you. I was closer to you than anyone else outside of my family. And I thought the attraction was just . . . a natural offshoot of my affection for you, as my friend. I didn’t really think about it more than that.”
“Oh, I sure the hell thought about it. A lot.”
“It did cross my mind, but as a . . . future thing. Like maybe someday we’d take that step, but I didn’t need to force it. You were a constant. My hot best friend. It didn’t bother me that we dated other people. You were still mine, and I was yours. That was all I needed. And then . . .”
“And then.” He knew exactly what she meant.
“I didn’t know it would be like that. Like this. And once I knew . . .”
“It changed things,” he agreed.
“It didn’t have to change as much as it did.” Her eyes shone with emotion. “You really hurt me, Gabe. By lying, by leaving, and then by completely ignoring me. I know I didn’t respond well to your decision, but do you know how hard it was to reach out to you after that? Every single time, only to receive nothing. But I kept trying. That’s how much you meant to me.”
Meant. Past tense.
He lifted their joined hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “I’m sorry. I needed . . .” Space. To escape. To forget. “I needed to start over.”
“I get it. And I want to be angry at you. I am angry at you. But . . .”
“But?”
“I’m just so damn happy to have you back.” Her tone was raw and wistful. “And it feels better to forgive you than stay mad.”
A slight pressure eased in his chest. “I’m not sure I deserve it.”
“I’m not sure you do either. But here we are.”
Michelle slipped her hand out of his and got off the bed. “I’m going to shower,” she said in a quiet voice. “I’ll leave towels out for you.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to suggest they shower together, but if she’d wanted that, she would have said so. So Gabe just nodded and watched her leave.
Sixteen years ago
Windows Messenger Chat Transcript
Celestial Destiny: Episode 2 Planning Session
Gabe:
Holy shit. I can’t believe so many people read the first chapter.
Michelle:
Fucking amazing. We need to get started on chapter 2!
Gabe:
I have science homework to do.
Michelle:
You can copy mine.
Gabe:
You don’t even take notes in science class.
Michelle:
Fine, you can check mine and let me know what I got wrong.
Gabe:
How is that saving me time to write chapter 2?
Michelle:
Let’s just plan it out now and we can write it later.
Gabe:
Okay. We left off with Zack unconscious on Riva’s ship. Where are they going?
Michelle:
His mom hired her to find him, so Riva will be taking him to Queen Seravida. And I think there should be a tía.
Gabe:
Like the Queen’s sister?
Michelle:
Sure. They’re Latinos in Space TM. You know they’d have lots of tíos y tías. I think you should put one in this scene.
Gabe:
I should? What about you?
Michelle:
You’re better at world building.
Gabe:
Sounds like somebody’s gotten a lot of “include setting details” notes in their Creative Writing class.
Michelle:
I see the details in my head, I just don’t write them down. Is that so wrong?
Gabe: