“Don’t lie to me, Callie.”
“Oh, that’s rich coming from you,” I laugh. There’s absolutely no humor in it, however. “I’m not the liar here. I went to the prom stag, Reed. You see, I was having feelings for the man—boy—I thought was my best friend. I didn’t want to go to the prom with anyone else. I only wanted to be with you. You destroyed that,” I snap.
“I… I don’t understand. Chas said you and Mitch were—”
“Spare me, please. I don’t want to hear anything about your girlfriend,” I growl.
“Chas isn’t my girlfriend!” he roars.
“Your fuck-buddy, then.”
“Damn it, Callie, I’m telling you I don’t know how that happened. I didn’t want—”
“Ask me if I give a damn, Reed.”
“You said you had feelings for me,” he reminds me, and I want to scream at him. I don’t. He doesn’t deserve any emotion from me.
“Had is the key word, Reed. Had.”
“Callie,” he responds, his voice achingly sad. Then again, maybe I just think that because that’s exactly how my heart feels right now.
“I was cured of any feelings for you when I saw your girlfriend riding you and offering to let me and Mitch join in.”
“Jesus, Callie—”
“You need to turn away and leave me alone, Reed. We weren’t dating. I realize that. I realize I don’t have a right to be mad and that’s on me.”
“We meant something to one another, Callie. We still do.”
“I thought we did. I thought we were more than friends. I thought we were special. Turns out, I was completely wrong.”
“We were. We could be again, Callie. You said you were having feelings for me. Bluebird, I’ve been in love with you for so long. We can get past this. Give me a chance. Give us a chance.”
“You love me,” I laugh, the words cutting me open inside.
“More than I could ever tell you.”
I look at him. His dark hair ruffled, the curls scattered and laying every which way. His pale blue shirt is worn and stretched over his chest. His jeans are just as faded. He looks beautiful standing before me, but he’s not.
He’s ugly.
“That’s rich, Reed, because those are exactly the words you said to Chasity right before you screamed you were coming. I guess those words come easy to someone like you.”
I turn away from him. Then, I jog down the hall, wanting nothing more than to get far, far away from Reed Lane.
21 Reed
The last day of school.
It’s always been a mixed bag for me. I hate school, but the thought of being home more sucks. Today is worse, because that means the end of seeing Callie walking down the hall, laughing as she talks to Katie, staring at me with hurt in her eyes…. I’m a bastard, but even if she’s just staring at me with pain shining from those beautiful, dark eyes of hers, it comforts me. It means that she hasn’t forgotten me, that despite everything she still has feelings for me. I’ve tried to talk to her a few more times since she ran away from me that horrible day in the hall. It’s been a little over a month since then, but every single time I get in her vicinity, she runs. I understood, and mostly I despise myself, so I haven’t pushed it. She always has lunch with Katie and Jake. Every time I see the three of them together, I die a little inside.
Much like now.
They don’t see me, I’m hiding in the hallway, peeking through the crack in the almost closed cafeteria door like some chump. Mitch walks by and waves at them. They all wave back, but Mitch keeps walking.
Hell, maybe I was insane. Jake swears she’s never dated Mitch and the way they’ve interacted since the prom, seems to say he’s right. That should make me happy. Hell, maybe it would if it didn’t point out just how epically I fucked everything up by going out with Chas… and then sleeping with her.
That night is still almost a complete blank for me. The kicker is when I do have these small, incomplete flashes of what happened, it’s not Chas’s face I see. It’s Callie’s. To say it hurts doesn’t begin to explain it. I don’t understand what got into me. I just know I hate the man who stares back at me in the mirror. I haven’t spoken to Chas and as far as I can tell, neither has Mitch. Jake tells me Mitch has changed completely when he’s around Callie—even swears he’s nice to Katie and has apologized to her for being a dick. He and I don’t talk. I might not know what in the fuck is wrong with me, but I’m a hundred percent sure that Mitch has not changed. He’s just a master manipulator.
I keep looking over there and right then, Callie throws her head back laughing. Her long dark hair falls back in soft waves along her back, the muscles in her throat ripple, revealing the delicate curve that I’d love to kiss. After her initial laugh, she shakes her head and looks at Jake. I can’t hear her laughter now, but I do in my head. Her eyes sparkle.
God she’s beautiful.
I ache for her and not for sex. Sex is the last thing I want from anyone right now. It’s hard to explain. Knowing I had sex and not being able to remember it leaves me feeling disgusted with myself. You would think with my background and watching my old man that I would know to watch myself when I drink.
Apparently not.
I turn away from the door, press my back against the wall, and slowly slide to the floor. I thrust my hands into my hair and allow myself a minute of pity. Everything just feels out of control. I don’t understand anything that has happened, and I just wish I knew how to go back and stop it all.
I don’t know how long I’m like this. That’s another thing that seems to be happening more and more since prom. I zone out, losing sight of everything. I just know I hear Jake talking when I look up. At least he’s alone and hopefully that means that Callie didn’t see how pitiful I am.
“You okay, man?”
“Yeah, great,” I mutter, trying to focus on him.
I don’t want to say fear grips me when people try to talk to me, but that’s exactly what it feels like. I want to run away. Jesus, my head is a mess.
“You don’t look so good.” He’s looking at me, and I can see from his face he’s worried. He’d really be worried if I told him everything. As far as he knows, I’m just broken over messing everything up with Callie. I don’t have it in me to tell him everything. Mostly, I don’t want anyone to know how screwed up I am right now.
“That’s you, master of understatement,” I mutter.
“Yeah,” he says with a smile, although his face is still tight with worry. Jake’s like a brother to me—him and Jeff both, really. Hell, they’re better than that. Especially since I can’t truly stand my own brother. “You want to ride over to the stockyards with me? Grayson is going to let me ride some bulls so I can work on my form. The state rodeo is in a month and I’m hoping to make a good enough show to grab some sponsors.”
“Does Katie know you’re planning to go on the road?” I ask him. He doesn’t answer, but I can tell from his face that he hasn’t told her yet. I start to lecture him on hurting her and how that’s worked out for me, but I don’t. My relationship with Callie is in shambles. I’m the last person who needs to give advice. I slowly get to my feet and nod. “Sure, Jake. I’ll ride over there with you,” I mumble.