“He found his way in here last night,” I say, grinning at him. Ow, it hurts to grin. I put my hand on my head and wince. That hurts too.
“You’ve been avoiding me for days now,” my mom says. “Just when were you planning to discuss this new relationship with me?”
“We’ve discussed it. He’s been over here for dinner. What more do you want me to say?”
“I want you to say it’s a cruel joke and that you’re just doing your best to show Jeremy what he’s missing.” She points at me. “Which is an excellent idea, by the way. That is what this is all about, isn’t it?”
I reach for the water on my nightstand and guzzle it. She’s still waiting for an answer from me when I stop.
“No, Maman. I don’t know what to tell you. But I have to get ready for work. I slept right through my alarm.”
“Well, Jeremy and his parents are meeting us at the restaurant tonight. I expect you to come and act like a civil adult.”
“I won’t be going to dinner tonight.” I get out of bed, and the room slightly spins. Yikes. This is why you don’t drink as much as I did last night. I’ve never been drunk, not even in college. A memory of me throwing up last night and Caden holding my hair back comes to mind and I groan. No. How humiliating.
My mom thinks I’m groaning about dinner.
“You most certainly will. I’ve already told them you’ll be there and they’re expecting you.”
“You shouldn’t have done that without checking with me first.”
Louie follows me into the bathroom and I can hear my mom walking toward the bathroom too. She whisks him up in her arms, nuzzling his neck as he tries to squirm away.
“Just please be there, Cosette,” my mom sounds tired and I look at her in concern. Dark circles are around her eyes.
“Are you okay, Maman?”
“No!” she cries. “You are breaking my heart! Sabine and I are devastated. Your father is too, although he will never show it. And we needed this marriage … especially now.” She presses her lips together like she’s said too much.
My eyes narrow in on her and she backs out of the room. “What are you not telling me, Maman? What do you mean, we need this marriage, especially now?”
She makes a choked sound and glances around the room wildly. “Oh, just after the year we’ve all had. And your father is getting old, Cosi. We need to make sure we are all secure for the future. No one knows what tomorrow brings. The heaviness in the world, the state of our—” She waves her hand around like I should understand what she’s talking about, but I am completely lost.
I start the shower and stand at the bathroom door, while she stands at my bedroom door, looking like she’s going to burst into tears.
“If I come tonight, I’m bringing Caden. I don’t know if he can be there yet or not, but that’s my condition.”
Anger flashes in her eyes, but she nods grimly. “Very well. You’re being ridiculous, darling. But maybe you need to see how these two men line up against each other when they’re in the same room. Maybe that’s what it will take for you to come to your senses.”
I close the bathroom door before I lose it. I don’t know how many more ways I can say it, but okay, I guess I’ll have one more dinner with the Toussaint family. Maybe they will get the message after they see me with Caden.
My mother’s control has been stifling me my whole life, but I’ve been willing to put up with it to keep the peace. I couldn’t feel more like the outsider in this family than I do, and so I’ve tried to make all of them happy by going along with what they want me to be. It’s just never enough. And with the distance I feel from my father, I feel very alone in this house. It’s always been me and him against the world—and now it’s just … me. I tried again to set up a time to talk to my dad and again he had some excuse about a golf priority.
Pretty sure my mom only sees me as someone she can marry off to increase her standing with the rich and powerful. I have been groomed to be Jeremy Toussaint’s wife and there’s no room for me to step outside of that. Juliette was glad to fit in that mold. And I tried. I dated Jeremy as long as I could stand it, but I just know I can’t do it. I will never be happy being someone I’m not, and being with someone I don’t love.
All I long for is a home where I can relax, be myself, and be appreciated for exactly who I am. I think that only happens in the movies. But I’m so excited about my new condo and the freedom it will offer. I can’t wait to move in. I got the ball rolling with the financial stuff, and it looks like I will be in my own space very soon.
Gah, that outweighs all the depressing thoughts. I’m shaking off the foul mood now, I think as I step into the shower. Let’s hope Caden can help me put on one hell of a show tonight and that I can move out of this stifling house stat. I don’t even need the life I dream about, just get me out of this godforsaken one!
My mother is waiting in the driveway with Herb when I step outside. I open the door and Louie’s tail wags when he sees me.
“Nice seersucker suit,” I tell him.
“I’ve given some thought to the direction you took the hotel—I’m not pleased that you went about this without me. Not pleased at all. But if it’s more freedom in the business you’re wanting, I concede. I’d much prefer you let out your little rebellion in that area than in this business with Jeremy.”
“That’s just it, Maman. I don’t want to look at the man I’m supposed to marry as a business at all. I want to marry for love. I can’t be like you and Papa.”
She gasps, but she knows it’s true. She’s twenty-two years younger than my father and married him for his money. I’d like to think they have a fondness for one another, but I haven’t seen much evidence of that, at least not from my mother’s side as of late. And Juliette followed that path with Beecham.
I lean up and smile at Herb. “Please drop me off at the hotel instead of our office.” He nods. I take note of his new car air freshener. It’s lessened the garlic smell by at least fifty percent. It’s the little things. “Thank you.”
Maman huffs next to me and all I can think about is how nice it will feel to breathe. The sooner I can put some distance between myself and my family, the sooner I will feel like I can catch my breath.
My head is pounding as I walk into The Lux, but already, I feel better. Caden is in the lobby and he waves something at me.
“There you are, and looking lovely, I might add.” He grins at me and it feels like everything will be okay. “I have an extra greasy breakfast sandwich. Thought of you when I ordered it.”
My face flames and I put my hand on one cheek to try to cool it down. “I am so embarrassed about last night. I don’t even remember everything, but the parts I do remember are—” I shake my head and grit my teeth, making a face.
“—Are not bad at all,” he finishes for me. “You were fine. Don’t worry about it. I hope you’re feeling okay though.”
“Yeah, not the best, but that’s what I get for trying to drink my body weight. Never again, lesson learned.” I laugh. “And yes, I will take that sandwich. Thank you.”