“Oh, Shelby.” I laughed and lay back on the bed. I could tell that she didn’t care about my encounters with the guy in the store, but I just couldn’t seem to get him out of my mind.
“So I have an absolutely amazing idea.” Shelby looked at me with a wicked grin. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like what she had to say.
“What’s your idea, Shelby?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because I know you and I know your ideas.”
“You know my ideas are fantastic.” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.
I groaned. “No, I know your ideas always get me into trouble.”
“Well, this idea is not going to get you into trouble. This idea, if anything, will get you laid.”
“I’m not looking to get laid.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not.”
“I think you are.”
“I just told you I’m not. Don’t I know better than you?”
“No, you don’t.” She giggled. “Now, do you, or do you not want to see the sexy guy in the grocery store naked?”
“I didn’t say he was sexy. I said he was hot, and no, I don’t want to see him naked. He has kids. I do not—”
“Come on now, girl, do you really care that he has kids?” She interrupted me with her Don’t give me any bullshit face. “You’ve not been going on about some random man in the store because you’re concerned about his kids’ manners.”
“I mean, yeah, of course I do. What am I going to do with a married man?”
“He’s not married. Remember? You told me his wife died.”
“Well, you know what I mean! What am I going to do with a guy who has kids?” Why had I opened my big mouth and told her everything?
“The same thing you would do with a guy who doesn’t have kids. In fact, the fact that he has kids lets you know that he knows how to do it and do it well.”
“Actually, that doesn’t let me know that he knows how to do it well, it just lets me know that he knows how to do it.” I shook my head. “Your reasoning sucks.” I laughed at her.
“True.” Shelby laughed. “I guess I didn’t think that one through all the way.”
“No, you didn’t. I don’t think you thought this plan through at all.”
“You haven’t even heard the plan yet.”
“I don’t need to hear the plan to know that it’s not going to be a good one.”
“Ye of little faith.”
“I have plenty of faith. Just not in you.” We both started laughing.
“So do you want to hear my idea or not?” Shelby sat at the edge of my bed and played with her hair.
“Didn’t I make it quite clear that I’m not interested?”
“Come on. Just hear me out.”
“Fine. I’m listening.”
“Why don’t you write a letter and put it—”
“Wait, hold on a second. Write a letter to who?”
“To the cute guy in the store, of course.”
“Why would I write him a letter?”
“Because you want to let him know that you think he’s sexy.”
“Actually, I want to let him know that he needs to take better care of his kids. He needs to ensure that they do not run their cart over strangers’ feet. And when they do, he needs to apologize for them.”
“So you do have something you want to say to him.”
“I mean, I guess just a little something.”
“See, Nellie, I told you I had a good idea.”
“Well, I don’t think that’s a great idea. And anyway, what am I meant to do? Just walk up to him in the store and hand him the letter?”
“You could do that. Or you could put it in his cart.”
“What do you mean I could put it in his cart?”
“Like into his shopping cart. Or you could hand it to one of his kids.”
“Hmm. That doesn’t sound like the best idea. I’m not going to just hand some random kid a letter.”
“Then just put it in his cart. Nellie, does it really matter how you give him the letter?”
“I guess not, but anyway, I might never see him again.”
“Haven’t you said that you’ve seen him several times out at the grocery store?”
“Well, yeah, I mean, this is a small town, and I guess he shops there quite frequently.”
“So then you’ll most probably see him again.”
“That is true.”
“And be honest, wouldn’t you like to tell him off?”
“I would love to tell him off. Are you joking with me right now?”
“Exactly. So then write him a letter and tell him off.”
“I thought you wanted me to write him a letter so that I could get laid. How is me giving him a letter telling him off going to get me laid?”
“Ah-ha, so you do want to get laid?”
“No, I don’t want to get laid. I’m just pointing out why your plan is absolutely ridiculous.”
“My plan isn’t ridiculous. I think it is absolutely perfect.”
“Shelby, I just do not know what you’re thinking. Me writing a letter telling him off is not going to make him want to ravish me. My letter is not going to lead to us banging on his private yacht like that crazy movie on Netflix.”
“Wasn’t she kidnapped? Do you want to be kidnapped?”
“Well of course not,” I laughed. “Anyway, I think your idea sucks and I think that you’re the one that wants to get laid.”
“Oh, you got that right!” she agreed with a grin. “I wouldn’t say no to a hottie that wanted to do me right now. Why do you think I wanted to go to the club?”
“Okay, then. I have an idea as well.”
“Uh-oh. What’s your idea?” She looked suspicious, and I laughed at the irony.
“You can’t sound like that when you’re the one that came up with the crazy idea in the first place.”
“Fine. What’s your idea?”
“You have to write a letter, too.”
“What do you mean, I have to write a letter, too?”
“There has to be someone that you like.”
“No!” She shook her head vigorously, but the way she blushed told me a different story.
I jumped up and pointed at her. “You are so lying to me, Shelby! I want to know who he is right now.”
“There’s no one. I promise you.”
“You promise me? Are you going to fall on the sword for that promise?”
“Well, no, but thank God there’s no sword to fall on.” She grinned.
“Come on. You know I think the guy in the store is cute. You have to tell me who you think is cute as well.”
“Okay, I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to judge me.”
“Would I ever judge you?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I try not to judge. You know that.”
“I mean, I guess not, but … it’s so embarrassing.”
“Oh my gosh, why is it embarrassing? Tell me.”