“Need any help with your homework?”
“No.” Her voice sounded sniffly.
“Can I come in?” Just the possibility of my daughter crying had my heart twisting sharply in my chest.
“If you want.”
Ah, hell. Something was up. When I opened the door, she was sitting cross-legged on her bed. Her elbows were resting on her knees, and she was staring down at the bedspread. Her cheeks were pink, and her eyes were puffy.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I crossed over quickly, sliding my hips on the bed.
She lifted her eyes to mine and knuckled at a tear that fell off her eyelashes. “Mom called.”
I didn’t swear, but I had to grit my teeth. I asked, “Oh?” Sometimes I thought I should get extra credit from the universe for my noncommittal replies to anything related to my daughter’s mom.
My daughter’s eyes looked just like they did every time her mom let her down—sad and tired and brave, all at once. “Remember how she said she was going to come visit soon?”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah.”
Allie sniffled. “Well, she’s not. She has a new boyfriend and a new job.”
“I’m sorry, hon. I know you really wanted her to visit.” Those were words I’d said more than I’d ever wanted. Fuck this bullshit.
Allie sniffled again, swiping her hands over her cheeks and smearing her tears. I shifted closer, sliding my arm around her shoulders.
“It’ll be okay,” I said, my words feeling utterly inadequate. I’d gotten used to feeling inadequate when it came to parenting. That was the thing no one warned you about—constantly stumbling as you tried to get it right. Just when you thought you’d nailed something, your kid was another year older, and you had to figure out an entirely new obstacle course.
“I know.” Her voice was muffled as she tucked her head against my shoulder. “I’m never going to have a mom to do my nails with, am I?”
“I don’t know, hon. I can’t make any promises on your mother’s behalf.” I’d said something to that effect hundreds of times.
“Can we have spaghetti for dinner?”
“You know it.” That was one of the few things I could cook well.
“I’ll help,” Allie said, lifting her head and smiling a little.
My heart ached at seeing her puffy eyes. I couldn’t help but smile back, though, because my daughter was spunky and resilient. These moments of upset about her mother usually passed quickly. When she climbed off her bed, I followed. She walked with me into the kitchen and began chattering about school as we pulled out the ingredients together.
Chapter Eight
Graham
“Please,” Allie said, the pleading look in her eyes not doing me any favors.
It was on the tip of my tongue to say no, but my daughter didn’t give up easily. Before I could even reply, she pressed, “Maddie said I could. I just want to do something.” She threw her hands up. “And she has a dog. You said he was really friendly too.”
I silently swore. I had, in fact, told Allie Madison’s dog, Wilbur, was friendly. He was. He was a happy smile incarnated in canine form.
“Fine. You can go. I need you to check with her before you startle her by showing up unannounced.”
That earned me a hard eye roll. Allie slipped her phone out of her pocket, promptly pulling up a number and sending a text. “Can you give me her number? I’d like to have it in my phone if you’re going over.”
Okay, that was a completely reasonable request. But it was also a convenient excuse to get Madison’s number.
My daughter’s eyes swung up to mine. “She didn’t give me permission to give you her number,” she offered pointedly.
I gave her a skeptical look. “Allie, you’re my daughter and you’re going over to someone’s home. It’s a standard expectation that I have the phone number. I’m not really worried about what Madison might think about that.”
“Why do you call her Madison?” Allie asked when she handed me her phone.
I pulled up her contacts and texted Madison’s number to myself. “That’s how she originally introduced herself to me. I know she told you that some people call her Maddie, but until she tells me otherwise, I’ll keep calling her Madison.”
Allie blinked at me. “I’m sad Harold died, but I’m excited to have a new neighbor. He wasn’t here that much anyway. Maybe she can paint nails with me.”
I didn’t completely get it, but Allie really wanted someone to paint her nails with her. I’d offered, but she didn’t take me up on it except for once. She had already snatched her phone back from me and was skipping down the hallway, sliding on her socks halfway down to stop precisely in front of her door. She’d perfected that distance years ago. She wasn’t looking my way, so she missed my reflexive scowl.
I wished I was surprised her mother had canceled another visit with her, but it was expected. I was more surprised when her mother stuck to a plan.
Talk about listening to the wrong head back when I was a senior in high school. Allie’s mom was the homecoming queen, and all I’d wanted was her. I was no asshole, but my hormones led the way. It was hard to fathom a more abrupt reality check than Allie’s mom getting pregnant the last month of our senior year. To this day, I still didn’t know the whole truth. I’d honestly wondered for years if she’d thought having a baby was a quick shortcut to tying me down.
But then, she’d skipped town. Babies were a lot of work. I’d lived that truth deeply. After Allie’s first month in the world, I’d handled raising Allie with a lot of help from my parents. Thank God for them.
I’d worked at the grocery store job that I’d started in high school. I’d volunteered for the fire department on the side in high school, and that got me into training. I’d been on the town firefighter crew for years here. I hadn’t had the time to do the training to become a hotshot firefighter until I got Allie to the other side of elementary school. She was now in her freshman year of high school, and I still didn’t know how I felt about that.
She’d always loved sports. Every fall, she ran cross-country. In the winter, she played basketball, and then come spring, she played softball. It was busy. I was grateful because she didn’t mind my new schedule not hewing so closely to her school schedule. My parents helped out when I was out in the backcountry fighting fires.
I had misgivings about Allie getting close to Madison, but then, I knew it would be weird if I tried to prevent it. Willow Brook was a small town, and Allie was accustomed to being friendly with the neighbors. So was I. We counted on each other. If I singled Madison out as someone she couldn’t be friendly with, well, that would make her more curious than I cared to contemplate.
I couldn’t exactly say to my daughter that I was hesitant because I wanted Madison for all the wrong reasons. Our kiss was tattooed into every cell of my body. The memory of the feel and scent of Madison conjured fiery jolts throughout my body.
“She said yes!” Allie called a minute later as she came skipping out of her room. “I’ll go over after school.”