Only thing it’d be was another sin mounted on the others.
It didn’t help that after the first day of school Gage had climbed into the back of my car and chattered the whole ride home about the greatness that was Miss Murphy. How pretty she was. How she had to be the smartest teacher in the world. How he was certain he was her favorite but that he wouldn’t tell the other kids because he didn’t want them to be sad.
My damned chest had felt like it was going to implode as I’d glanced through the rearview and witnessed all that joy lit on his precious face.
It was the only thing that mattered.
Wasn’t a stretch to come to the resolution that I had to end things here at the club before it got messy. Boundaries set.
She was my kid’s teacher, and that was going to be the end of it.
So, I’d confronted her in the hall. I’d had every intention of cutting her loose, but then I’d been consumed all over again.
Hit with the urge to get closer.
Fingers itching to sink into something pure.
Drawn to that unique, unfound beauty.
Like a prick, I’d gone to tossing who she was in her face, not that I knew how to be much else. Thinking I was going to chase her away when the only thing I’d done was draw her closer.
Her body backed to the wall, her breaths shallow and her heart flying.
My dick steel and raging at my jeans.
Somehow, in the middle of it, we’d exposed ourselves, different boundaries set than the ones I’d imagined, and it’d ended with her thanking me for the job after I’d promoted her to server.
Yeah. Girl’d flipped that shit on me, hadn’t she?
Now I was left floundering.
Tiptoeing.
Pretending like night after night I wasn’t dying to trace my fingertips over every line of her body. Get lost in those autumn eyes and that honeyed flesh. Felt like I was losing my goddamned mind with how bad I wanted her.
No-name basis.
No connections.
No chance of a knife driven into my back.
Apparently, I needed that shit drilled into my brain.
Chuckling at my stupidity, I rocked my head back on the coarse brick and exhaled, blowing the smoke from my lungs and watching it disappear into the nothingness.
Right along with my common sense.
“Yo, brother.”
A grin slid to my mouth as the gruff voice hit from the side, and I shifted around to peer into the night. Jud’s giant frame emerged through the hazy shadows where he trudged up the walk between our establishments.
Both buildings had been abandoned on a single lot, neglected and crumbling. The roof over at his bike shop had been caving in, and the inside of the bar had been nothing but rotted wood and a mountain of trash.
A bonafide dumpster dive.
My brother and I had pooled our dirty money and vowed to do something clean. Make a change before we ended up behind bars or dead like everyone else we’d run with. Way we’d planned to do before everything had come to a gruesome, horrible end.
As hard as we might try, think we both knew we’d committed sins we could never fully leave behind. Those ghosts slipping through the cracks, haunting our hearts and threatening our lives.
Taking another long drag as he approached, I lifted my chin in welcome. “Where you been?”
Hadn’t seen the asshole in days. Dude always got wrapped up in his work. Fully tranced out as he gave old, rusted metal new life.
“Busy,” he grumbled before he gestured at me. “Can see someone else is slackin’ as usual,” he cracked, roughing a massive palm down his black beard.
Low laughter rolled out as I exhaled. “Nah. I’m just getting started, unlike someone else who looks like he’s packin’ it in for the day,” I tossed back.
He grunted. “Considering I’ve been neck deep in primer and paint for the last ten days, I think it’s warranted.”
“Big job, yeah?” I asked, drawing one last pull before I exhaled the smoke toward the sky and stubbed out the cigarette with the toe of my boot.
He heaved out a strained sigh. “Yup.”
I clapped him on the back. “Then we better get you inside and get some drinks in you.”
“Now you’re speaking my language.”
“Ah, I see what I’m good for.”
Jud chuckled and squeezed my shoulder, and I opened the heavy metal side door and we slipped by Milo, the bouncer who guarded the side door and lot.
The two of us moved down the hall that ran along the side of the bar, passing by the employee lounge, storage room, my office, and kitchen.
The whole way, I swore I could scent her. That honeyed goodness wafting through the air. Sweet, sweet temptation. Her spirit flooding the space.
Yeah. Needed to get that shit under lock and key if I hoped not to lose my ever-loving mind.
Jud and I made it to the end of the hall and ducked into the loud thrum of the main bar. Place was already packed, tonight’s band set to hit the stage in a half an hour. Lights strung from the second-floor ceiling cast the entire place in a hazy glow. Vibe was seductive and close to slow, though buzzing with the anticipation of getting freed. Of getting lost in the mayhem that was preparing to hit.
We made a beeline for the booth at the back that was permanently reserved for me and my guests.
Did my best not to look around. Not to seek her out.
Jud tossed himself into the left side of the booth, groaning low, his hulking body sagging as he scrubbed his hands over his face like he could polish himself out of the exhaustion.
Dude worked his fingers raw.
I slid in opposite him, waited for him to look up.
“Still worth it?” I asked when he did.
Because of me, we’d be hiding out in Redemption Hills for the rest of our lives.
Jud grunted. “You really still askin’ that question?”
“Yup.”
“Well, you should stop. Would do anything for that kid.” He stretched farther out in the booth, filling the whole thing. He jerked his chin toward me. “For you.”
My head shook as I fiddled with the edge of the beer list, peering across at my brother. “Just don’t want to hold you back.”
He scoffed. “Hold me back? You’re the one who made the sacrifice, Trent. One who did what you had to do. One who set us free. I’d make a fuckin’ million of them to pay you back.”
My insides coiled. A clash of anguish and hatred.
This retching, writhing mess of sins that would forever mar my soul.
“Not a debt, man. Other way around.”
“Bullshit,” he spat.
I pushed out a heavy sigh.
Jud leaned forward, his enormous frame pushed up against the table, his words gruff. “You gotta quit blaming yourself, man. Wasn’t your fault.”
“Wasn’t it?” I challenged.
“Nope.” He actually grinned. “Besides, you landed us where we belong. Kinda like it here, if I’m bein’ honest. The quiet life.”
My nod was slow, sure the cost of it was always going to be too high.
Then I watched his grin widen when he looked to his right. Out into the bar. I didn’t have to follow his gaze to know she was there. Thought I could actually sense her moving around the tables as she shadowed Leann through the club. Still in training and learning the ropes.
Could sense that lithe body swishing through the crowd.