To me, boys were nothing but annoying, mean, and cruel, but when I met Elio he showed me that isn’t always true. Maybe kindness could be found in others, but they need to be good, like Elio. Like when he saved me from falling in the pond or when he brings me treats and leaves me notes just so I know he is thinking of me. I like that in a person. I want that in a person.
Questions for Mom: Is it strange that when he’s near me, I feel warm and my head gets foggy? Is it normal for me to study parts of his face that I like? His lips and dark eyes. But more than anything, is it normal that I want to spend all my time with him?
I dropped my pencil into the center of the book with a sigh. I would give anything to have my mother answer these questions. Slipping it into a new bag, I tucked it away with the rest of my journals and walked back while I enjoyed the lovely taste of chocolate that still lingered on my tongue.
It wasn’t easy for me to get away, and as I got older it became even more difficult. I was working at the dockyard, and my life had become even harder, especially now with the unwanted attention my developing figure drew from the workers and the boys at the house. I didn’t like their attention. I wished they would look at me the way Elio did. He made me feel pretty and smart. He often liked me to read out loud to him, and I loved nothing more than sharing with him that way.
When I turned sixteen, my life went from bad to worse. I was embarrassed to see Elio now, as I didn’t want him to see the bruises were getting worse. Though Renzo was old enough to leave the house, he stuck around. I was sure it was just to torture me. He would pinch my arms or twist my wrist, which left red marks, then bruises. Then one day he found the money I had stashed in my mattress, and in that one night I went from someone with one small hope to just plain hopeless. Finding money had never been easy, but now that everyone’s pay went through Andrew, he only gave us enough to buy a few clothes, and we even had to hand over the change and receipt to prove we hadn’t kept any.
My only blessing was their youngest sister Cara, my only girlfriend. She didn’t use me to do her chores or to take punishments for her. She hated it here just as much as I did, and she was their own child. We would talk and dream about what we would do if we ever got away from here. We sometimes talked about boys, and I told her my secret about the swimming hole. After that, once a week she would cover for me so I could race down to the swimming pond. I would stay very close to the shore and use a small piece of stolen soap and wash. It was wonderful to be able to bathe without fear. Renzo was never far away at the house, and the small washroom we were allowed to use had no lock on the door. He had made enough comments to let everyone know he claimed me as his. The very thought made me fold inward. So far, he hadn’t made any attempt to touch me, but I knew that day wasn’t far off.
One sunny day when I arrived at the pond, I checked our spot and found at least eleven notes that he had left me. I loved that he had started to number them so I could read them in order.
I waited on Friday – meet me here Wednesday? -E
The frogs had more eggs. -E
I miss my pond friend. -E
I hope you’re coming by soon. -E
Are you okay? It’s been a really long time since I’ve seen you. -E
I’m going to keep these notes here so you can see them. -E
I hope you like the flower I picked. It made me think of the ribbon you sometimes wear in your hair. -E
I closed my eyes and wished I were able to be here with him more. It had become harder and harder to get away, but it wasn’t the only reason I didn’t come. As I tucked the notes away, I noticed how dirty my hands were.
Stripping down to just my bra and underwear, I slipped into the water and allowed myself to float, proud that I had finally learned to swim. I splashed in the water, happy for a brief moment. Puffy clouds made their way across the blue sky, and I let myself drift away with them, enjoying the freedom. The smell of the plumeria filled the air, and I pretended it was Mother Nature gracing me with a gift of her perfume.
“I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.” His voice traveled across the water and vibrated through me. I ducked down, careful to keep my body underneath the water, so just my nose was above the surface. “It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you here.” He peered into the hidey hole where we hid our notes and grinned. “I see you got my notes.”
He was right. I had been avoiding him, but it had come with a cost. His kindnesses and our chats had been so important to me. I realized how much I had missed him. I was lost and felt angry and sad all the time.
He tugged off his t-shirt with one hand and stood in his jeans. I saw the way they hung low on his hips. Elio was two years older than I was, and his body was that of a fighter. Strong, lean, and had that V that Cara always drooled over. Yes, Elio looked spectacular.
“And you’re swimming.” He placed a hand over his heart playfully. “That hurts.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that, even as I swam a little bit farther away from the shore. It was true that I didn’t like people looking at my body, especially because of all the bruises. I was also self-conscious about being so thin, although I had put a little meat on my bones lately. Most of all, I didn’t like the attention I got from the men at the dockyard and the house. It made me feel uncomfortable. I had developed quickly over the past few months, and it was difficult to hide my shape under my clothes.
I treaded water and tried to think of something to say as he dropped his jeans and waded into the water in just his boxers. He dipped under the surface and came up right in front of me.
His dark eyes seemed to be even more intense today, and I felt a jolt when I took a leap and stared into them. It was like someone poured a bucket of warm water over me.
“Sorry,” I whispered, and his eyes softened like he was happy I spoke. “Things have been hard, and I got a little…” I trailed off, unsure how to explain myself.
“Lost?”
“I think to be lost you need to have been found at some point,” I fought back an urge to cry. “I didn’t have a starting point. So…” I shrugged.
“I missed our notes.”
“Me too,” I confessed.
“But I missed you more.” He smiled sweetly. Elio would often be bold with his kindness. I admired that he could say what he wanted without a care.
His eyes flickered as something raced through his mind. I could feel his body language change.
“Do you trust me, Sienna?” I licked my lips and thought about his question. “You know me well enough to know I wouldn’t hurt you, right?”
I nodded because it was true. Elio had never said or done anything to hurt me in any way. In fact, he had cared for me over the years and never asked for anything in return. I felt like he knew me better than anyone else.
“May I take you to show you something?”
Nerves tried to take control, but I fought them back. If I was gone for much longer, I would get a beating. However, the idea of seeing something besides the ugly walls at the house or the dockyard intrigued me.
“All right.” I nodded, and a genuine smile spread across his face.
“Good.” He motioned for me to follow him back to shore.
Of course, my eyes wandered as he pulled on his jeans, and again when he moved to lift his shirt over his head. Only once did I catch him watching me as I buttoned my shirt part way up and wrung out my long dark hair.