Annabelle opened her mouth to say something but then yawned. I snorted as Jacob quickly bundled her into his arms, though he did set her feet down on the floor first. I had a feeling if he knew that Annabelle wouldn’t mind, he would probably have carried her out of the building like a prince carrying his princess.
“Well, it seems I’m tired, too,” Annabelle said on a laugh, and I just shook my head. I couldn’t believe that my best friend was pregnant. It seemed like just yesterday she had been fighting with Jacob over every single little thing. Of course, that fighting had been a clue to something else, something far hotter, and now they were married and living in Annabelle’s house. I was currently renting Jacob’s old place from them and living right next door. Even if some people might think it a little too much like charity, it was an ideal situation. I paid the average rent for the neighborhood. I had a decent job, and I was fine. I didn’t know what else to be. It wasn’t like I had anywhere else to go. Colorado had become my home. I was going to make it mine. Somehow.
“I guess that’s it for the night,” Lee said, and I looked up at the man. Like Brenna and me, Lee wasn’t a Montgomery. He was one of Beckett’s best friends—also Benjamin’s. He fit in with everybody, though, even though he worked long hours and we rarely got to see him. It was nice to see him out and about tonight. Of course, that’s what people would likely say about me.
It’s so nice to see you out and about, living but not too much. You shouldn’t have too much fun, because that will shade his memory.
I winced inwardly again because that wasn’t what my friends were thinking. I knew that. No, that was the other people in my life. Not my family, but the others at the base, and those who knew me casually from work. They didn’t know me, not really, and I didn’t want them to. I didn’t know what I wanted.
And that was enough of that.
I waved everybody off and headed to my car. Brenna sidled up next to me as she had parked one spot over. “Are you doing okay tonight?” she asked, her voice soft.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and gave her a side-hug. “I am. It’s good to get out. I don’t do it enough.”
“Are you doing okay?” I asked after a moment.
She shrugged and smiled up at me. “I guess. Long days.”
I nodded and hugged her tightly. Brenna was a cake decorator, and though she didn’t own a shop per se, she worked long hours and was in high demand. To the point that if I even wanted a cake, I was pretty sure I’d have a six-month wait.
“We’ll do this again. Maybe next week?” Brenna asked.
I nodded. “Yes. I’m going to do better about getting out.”
“You’re already doing great, Eliza.” She hugged me tightly, and I leaned into her, knowing that I was safe in her arms. Just like I was safe in many of my friends’ arms. I could be the self-conscious one, trying to cope, attempting to figure out who I was and who I needed to be as a widow. Even though I might be afraid of what my friends thought of me, I shouldn’t be. I knew they loved me, and I had to remember that.
After saying goodbye, I made my way home, slowly pulling into my driveway. Annabelle and Jacob had made it home before me, and their garage door was just closing. Annabelle must be tired—or even asleep in the passenger seat—for them to have pulled in without waving goodnight. I didn’t mind. Everyone’s family was changing, and it was nice. Soon, there would be a little baby next door, one I’d be able to hold and cherish even if it gave me a slight twinge.
I didn’t need to think about that. Ever, I reminded myself.
I checked around the house, got myself some water, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and then slid into bed.
It was a different mattress than the one I’d had in my home with Marshall. It was a different everything. This wasn’t the home I had shared with my husband. Most people told me not to make big moves and changes within the first year of losing him, but the rent had come up, and my lease had ended in our old home. I knew that place wasn’t for me anymore. It had been Marshall’s, the place he had liked. He was rarely home. He was always on tour. So, when I lost him, I had chosen a place for myself. Even though, in reality, I had picked somewhere that was available and happened to be owned by a friend. I was saving up, and I’d soon be able to buy a place of my own. My work was going well, actually, I had health insurance through the military, and I had a savings thanks to life insurance and SGLI, the Servicemembers' Group Life Insurance. It was weird that I even got a death gratuity because of losing Marshall. A gratuity for death.
As if they planned on having their people die overseas and had a checklist for what happened to those left behind.
I shook my head and lay down, trying to close my eyes. There were all sorts of checklists for widows. I had even printed one out from the internet so I knew what I needed to do. Paperwork-wise, house-wise, and everything else-wise.
Of course, most of the things regarding health and personal stuff I was already doing by myself. Marshall had rarely been home. It was like having two different lives. One where my husband lived with me, and one where I was a woman waiting for her husband to return home. Now, I knew he would never be coming home.
I shook my head and let myself rest, slowly waiting for morning to arrive.
By the time I woke up, the sun was just edging over the horizon. I rarely slept full nights these days, but I had learned to nap. I drank my water, I ate my fruits and vegetables. Everything on the checklist to take care of myself.
I worked out, showered, and got myself some coffee and a bagel. I was craving carbs and cream cheese, so I dove into it. I was just about to head to my studio in the back to work when the doorbell rang. I frowned. It must be a Montgomery. It was always a Montgomery or someone close to them.
I looked through the peephole and smiled even as I scowled. I wasn’t sure how it happened, but it did. I opened the door, and my eldest brother, Eli, and my closest-in-age brother, the baby brother of the Wilders, Elliot, stood there.
There were seven of us, and everyone had a name that started with an E. My parents loved to make things confusing.
I blinked at them. “What are you two doing here?”
“We’re here because we love you,” Eli said as he shouldered his way in. Elliot gave me a small smile, and I sighed.
“Please, come in. It’s not like it’s a workday and I have anything to do.”
Elliot cleared his throat. “We’re not going to stay for long, we just wanted to stop by.”
“I didn’t even know you two were in the state.”
“We have a TDY at the academy,” Elliot said as he kissed my cheek. “We figured it would be good for us to come up and see you.”
“I’m in Fort Collins. That’s not like a twenty-minute drive.”
“No, but it’s not like driving through Texas, either,” Elliot said with a wink.
We had all been born outside of San Antonio, our father being military, as well. We had lived all over the world, though our dad had been Army. My six brothers had joined the Air Force. All six of them. And I had married a military man, too. Apparently, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, no matter that the tree seemed to be wilting a bit.
That was an odd metaphor to think of.