Sasha had been given every advantage, and her family had always emphasized the importance of giving back. For them, it was all about image. For her, from the moment that she’d started going to the local South Bend preschool with Hannah to read to kids, it was about making a difference.
Maybe part of her wanted Patrick to think she was a good person. Reading to kids and planning this bake sale so that they had a place to go and learn also made her feel like a good person. And most days, especially days when she didn’t feel like she was living the life that her family expected her to live, she really needed that. “It’s not too much because St. Bart’s needs it. The kids need it.”
Patrick gave her a crooked smile, and all the parts at the middle of her body melted a little. She could pretend it was the adrenaline draining out, but that would be a lie. And she didn’t even want to lie to herself in the presence of a man of the cloth.
“You really do deserve someone as special as you are.”
God, he was trying to break her heart.
CHAPTER FIVE
SASHA MET HER SISTER Madison for lunch about once a month. She was the only member of her immediate family who didn’t cause a knot to take up residence in her belly. Still, she had to keep some boundaries because Madison hadn’t developed enough self-awareness to realize that their parents had really fucked all of them up.
Why would she? She’d followed all of Moira’s rules and was married to a perfectly fine guy with a trust fund. When Madison swept into the restaurant late without so much as an apology, Sasha had to wonder how she spent all her time. It was the same question Sasha often asked herself of the stars of the Real Housewives franchise. There was only so much time that someone could spend on glam.
After they’d air-kissed and Madison sat down, she examined Sasha. It reminded Sasha of the thing her mother did whenever they came home. But Madison didn’t usually say anything cutting right away. She kept her knives stowed for later.
“You look . . . great,” Madison said. Sasha was not prepared for a compliment. “Clearly driving our mother up a wall agrees with you.”
Sasha sighed. “I’m doing no such thing.” She grabbed a piece of bread from the basket at the center of the table and ignored her sister’s look of horror.
“I think the fact that you aren’t doing anything is what’s bothering her.” Madison must have fielded a call from Moira after Sasha had hung up on her on the way to the gym the other day.
“You know, running a successful small business is doing something.” Sasha slathered more butter than was strictly necessary on a second slice of bread. “Just because I’m not barefoot and pregnant like our parents’ prehistoric standards dictate that I should be by my big age doesn’t mean that I’m not doing anything.” Madison’s mouth dropped open. Sasha wasn’t usually so direct with her criticism of their parents.
Still, Madison’s brain didn’t short out. She didn’t skip a beat before asking, “So, are you dating anyone?”
Sasha weighed whether to mention Nathan. On the one hand, she liked to throw Moira a bone once in a while. But did she want to answer questions about Nathan at every lunch and brunch with her mother and/or sisters until she met the next guy that she tried to like?
There was never any question in her mind of mentioning the man who occupied her thoughts—Patrick. Madison would not understand why she had a crush on him. He didn’t even have any money.
In the end, throwing the bone came out on top. “I’ve gone out with someone that our mother might like, but I don’t think it will develop into anything serious.”
“Because our mother would like him?” Sometimes Madison got her.
“Precisely.”
“Well, she likes Tucker more than I do.”
“Trouble in paradise?” Sasha didn’t begin to try to understand her sister’s relationship. She’d met her husband at one of their parents’ parties. Sasha had always assumed that Tucker was a plant, and thus ignored him. But maybe Moira had just worn Madison down enough that she hadn’t had the will to fight her any longer.
“Marriage isn’t supposed to be paradise, Sasha.” Madison popped an olive into her mouth.
“Yeah, I’m going to rush right into that institution.” Sasha nodded at the menu. “Now, I’m going to order the pasta carbonara, and you’re going to share it with me because you and I both know that you’re not allergic to gluten. I’ve also swept the bar for our mother’s spies, so it won’t get back to her.”
* * *
—
SASHA DIDN’T KNOW WHY she was seeking out a face-to-face with Patrick after-hours. Scratch that. She wasn’t lying to herself anymore. She knew exactly why she wanted to see him. Against her better judgment and all the better judgment of anyone in the world—she liked him and wanted to spend more time with him.
She looked down at the thousand-piece puzzle that depicted the Sistine Chapel that she’d brought because she’d done all the other ones stowed away in a bookshelf, behind a corner table at Dooley’s over the past couple of years. It wasn’t as though she could seduce him with that. Plus, Dooley’s would probably be busy tonight. She’d set herself up in the corner and work on it alone with a glass of whiskey.
But when she’d opened the door, only a few of the tables had patrons, and Patrick clocked her presence immediately.
“Hey.” He raised his arm in a casual greeting that made her heart pick up speed. He was wearing a flannel shirt over a Henley, and she hadn’t known that it was possible for him to look any better than he did in a clerical collar, but here they were. “What can I get you?”
Patrick didn’t question her coming in, so she wouldn’t either. It was totally normal for her to show up at the bar where she and her friends often hung out on a Thursday night. In her heart, she knew that she should be making more of an effort to see Nathan. He was really nice, and there was nothing wrong with him except for the fact that he was just so earnest. It was hard to get it up for a guy who didn’t seem to have any flaws at all.
Flaws made people interesting. Maybe instead of giving it another shot with Nathan, she should be looking for guys with flaws that didn’t come along with a vow of celibacy. Or maybe she should be looking a little more closely for Nathan’s flaws.
“I’ll have a whiskey.” Another time, maybe. “And a spot to work on this.” She shook the box and the puzzle pieces shuffled around in a way that was pleasant to her ears.
Patrick peered over the bar to see what she was holding. “You’re into puzzles?” His question didn’t sound judgmental, just curious and possibly a little bit excited.