He’d never fully explained himself. Oh, he’d tried, but now he saw his explanations for the excuses they must’ve sounded like. He regretted hurting her—and hurt her, he had. He could still remember the choked sound of her voice when she’d let him off the hook for prom.
Yeah, he’d been a real tool.
The bedsprings squeaked as Allie turned over. Maybe he wasn’t the only one having trouble sleeping. Maybe it was finally time to put this all behind them.
His heart kicked against his rib cage as he gathered his courage. “Allie?”
There was no answer, but maybe he’d spoken too softly to hear above the patter of rain.
“Allie? You awake?”
The sleeping bag rustled. “Yeah.”
“Trouble going to sleep?”
“Little bit.”
The wind whistled through the cabin. A log snapped. He had to get this over with. Now or never. He had to explain—he owed her that much.
“I’m really sorry for the way I handled things between us back then.” The long silence seemed to expand the air around him. Maybe he’d just botched their truce by bringing it up.
“It was a long time ago,” she said finally.
“Don’t let me off the hook. I was a jerk. You meant a lot to me—I don’t think I let you know how much.” He’d fallen in love with her, but there was no need to go there now.
* * *
For the second time tonight adrenaline flooded through Allie’s system. Fight or flight? Either of those options sounded worlds better than facing the painful past.
Did she really want to dig into this right now? Then again, this conversation was long overdue. He had hurt her. He had mishandled the situation. Her stomach tightened just remembering her first broken heart. Okay, her only broken heart.
But if he’d cared about her so much . . .
“Then why?” The words sounded weak and pathetic, wobbling between them.
“I don’t think I even understood it at the time.” He heaved a sigh. “Allie, your family had come to mean so much to me. My mom being the way she was—I couldn’t count on her. I took care of her more than the other way around. After my dad left—your family became the family I didn’t have anymore. The family I wanted.”
She felt a pinch in her chest. “I know that.”
“When I saw you over Thanksgiving that year . . . I can’t even explain what happened. I saw you differently. I went back to school and thought about you constantly. Thought about how grown up you’d become and how beautiful you were and about all the boys you were dating.”
Her lips curved at the thought of his jealousy. If only he knew none of those boys compared. “I didn’t date that many.”
“I’d call your parents and they’d tell me you were out with some boy or another—and it drove me crazy. Then at Christmas . . .”
“You kissed me on the deck.” The memory of it flushed heat through her body. She’d since had many kisses, of course. But that one . . . It was the one she’d measured every other kiss against. And they’d all fallen so short.
“Those four weeks were . . . They were the best weeks of my life, Allie.”
She shook her head, not understanding. The darkness gave her the courage to voice her feelings. “If that’s true . . . why did you break up with me, Luke?”
“When you mentioned the prom, it scared me—doing something so public. Making a commitment that your parents knew about. I was afraid—what if something went wrong between us? You were their daughter. If I blew it . . . What if I lost them?
“And then my mom told me she was moving to Florida and—it just really freaked me out. She wasn’t much of a parent, but she was all I had. And she was leaving. Your family was all I had left—I couldn’t lose them too.”
Allie heard the despair in his voice. Let it settle inside her. She’d always felt so bad for him. When he came to their house because he was underfoot at home. When his mom failed to show for senior night (her parents had filled in). When his mom came to graduation drunk and sloppy, insulting her parents, whom she was clearly jealous of.
“And so you broke up with me,” she whispered. Only he hadn’t really, had he? He’d just kind of ditched her.
“I was afraid, and I handled it like a coward and made things even worse. I’ve always regretted that.”
It was all making sense. Finally. She still felt for that orphaned boy, and she’d known in a vague way what her parents meant to him. He’d always worked so hard to please them, mowing their grass, picking flowers for her mom, getting their mail and watering their plants when they were away. She hadn’t thought too much about it back then, but she wondered now if he’d been trying to earn a spot in their family.
“What about the girl?” she said into the void.
“What girl?”
“I ran into Jared Wallace during spring break. He told me you were hanging around with some girl at school.”
“There was no girl, Allie.” He sounded confused but adamant. “Wait, was he talking about Sam? She was just a good friend, a study partner, but only a friend.”
Sam. She remembered Luke mentioning the name, but she’d thought it was a boy.
“I wanted to take you to prom, Allie. I wanted to be with you. I—”
Had he been about to say he loved her? Probably wishful thinking. She’d been head over heels for him. Truth be told, she’d never felt as strongly for anyone else. But maybe that was just because she’d carried a torch for him for so many years.
“I was just afraid of losing the only family I had. And in the process . . . I ended up losing you.”
A crack splintered her heart. Not for her own pain, but for his. He had so little in the way of family, and she’d taken a bit of that from him. She’d carried this grudge like a shield for seven years. She was finally ready to lay it down.
“I understand now, Luke. I forgive you. I’m sorry for giving you the cold shoulder all these years.”
“Thank you.” The rain let up, the shack going quieter. “Could we . . . ? Do you think we could ever be friends again? I’ve missed you, Allie.”
Her lips tipped up in a smile, warmth filling her insides. “Sure. I’d like that a lot.”
Chapter 9
“What happened? Did you wreck the car? Oh, Bill, Allie wrecked the car!”
Allie shifted in the passenger seat, rolling her eyes at Luke. “No, Mother, I didn’t wreck the car. There was a thunderstorm in the mountains, the bridge was flooded, and then it started hailing and—”
“Hailing!”
“No worries, the car is fine. We had to stay overnight, but I lost signal and couldn’t text you. Everything’s fine now. The storm has passed, and we got over the bridge just fine. We’re almost out of the mountains, in fact.”
“We?”
“Oh . . .” She spared Luke a glance. “Yeah, I, um, invited Luke along.”
Even though her truce with Luke was still going strong, when she pulled up to her grandparents’ place in this beautiful car, she was going to get credit for its delivery, daggonit.
Her mother’s sigh of relief could be heard from the far side of Neptune. “Why didn’t you say so, dear? Bill, Luke is with her—we were worried all night for nothing. Allie, your father hardly slept, honey.”