How the hell could she remedy this situation? This was Keith. Her school friend. One of the bedrocks of her life. And she’d never once let herself consciously think about him sexually.
Much less act on it.
What if a moment’s impulse destroyed everything they had?
“Here’s what I think,” Keith said, mild in a way that soothed her nerves.
She straightened up and dared a look at his face.
He didn’t look nervous at all. Not upset or worried or confused. He gave her his little smile. “Neither one of us planned for that to happen. So we don’t know what it means right now. But what we do know is that the worst thing for both of us would be for this to pull us apart.”
“Yes.” She nodded, the clench in her chest loosening slightly. “We can’t let that happen.”
“So we won’t.”
“You think we can—”
“I think we can do anything we want to do.” He tilted his head, his gaze warm and understanding and something else beneath it. Something almost... excited. “You’re scared and confused. I can see it. But you don’t have to be. There’s nothing for us to be worried about. For now, we’ll act like this was a onetime thing. And if you decide you want to do it again—or do more—just let me know. Otherwise, no pressure or expectations or hurt feelings or anything else that would interfere with our friendship.”
She gaped at him. Literally gaped. “You think we can do that?”
He gave a half shrug. “Why not? If I’m not worried about it, why should you be?”
“You’d be okay with that?”
“With what?”
“With just waiting to see...”
He reached out to touch her cheek very lightly. “Of course I’m okay with that. What did you think I’d do? Demand that you change years of established friendship overnight, even though it might turn your whole life upside down? Just because I want you to?”
She gulped as she worked through what he’d just said. “So you do... you do want us to...?”
He smiled again. “Of course I want us to. You already knew that.”
She had known it. She’d never admitted it to herself, but she’d known it for a while now. It was why she’d had to avoid the subject in her own mind—it threatened to terrify her. It was that invisible weight on her shoulders, the one she’d never been able to shrug off. “Oh.”
She was silent for a moment as she processed how she felt and whether she was okay with the situation as he’d laid it out. When she darted a glance up at him, she caught that deep, soulful look in his eyes—like he yearned for her—but only momentarily before the dry understanding took its place.
“I’m fine, Serena,” he said. “If it’s me you’re worried about, you don’t have to be.”
“I do worry about you. I don’t want you hurt.”
“Do I look hurt?”
“No,” she admitted, finally relaxing enough to smile back at him. “You look kind of happy.”
He laughed and leaned over to give her a brief, one-armed hug. “I am happy. I had a good time tonight, and I always love being with you. But I have no expectations of anything else, so you’re not going to hurt my feelings if you decide you’re not ready for anything more. Just think about it. Live with it a while. See what you want to do.”
She nodded, hardly believing it could be this easy. She’d always assumed introducing sex to their friendship would blow everything they had out of the water. “Okay. Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being so great. About everything. And also for tonight.” Her cheeks warmed even more. “I had a good time too.”
“All right. So we’ll leave it at that. You want to hang out more?”
“N-no. I’m kind of tired now. And befuddled. I think I’ll head home if that’s all right.”
“Of course it’s all right.” He still had that secret little smile on his face, like he knew things she couldn’t possibly know and he was thrilled about them.
It should have annoyed her, but it didn’t. It made her feel better. If he was good with this, then she could be too.
“Good night, Serena,” he said as they stood up.
“Good night.” She looked at him for a moment, wondering what she should do.
He did it for her. He reached out to hug her. Not sexual or intimidating, but warm and fond and real.
So real.
He was real. And dear. And human.
And she loved him so much.
They would be okay. They had to be.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” she said, finally pulling away.
“Sounds good. Sleep well.”
She wasn’t sure she would sleep at all, but she did.
She slept better than she had in a really long time.
SHE WOKE UP AT EIGHT the following morning when her phone buzzed with a text.
It took her a minute to orient herself to where she was, where Eva was, and what day it was. She wasn’t used to sleeping so deeply, and the transition into waking startled her.
The previous evening hit her like a shock of cold water when she saw the text was from Keith.
Thinking about a hike today since it’s so nice out. Want to come?
Of course she wanted to. She loved hiking on cool, sunny days, and she’d love to spend the day with Keith since Eva wasn’t around. But she hesitated before she replied.
Was this smart? Was it wise? Was it safe? She absolutely refused to do anything that might jeopardize her friendship with Keith—and thus the stability of her life and Eva’s. And after the heat and intensity of last night, it might be better to take a step back today and reassess.
But as she lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, she had to conclude that she didn’t have any bad feelings about yesterday. Yes, it had been a lot. And yes, it was kind of scary. But it wasn’t a horrifying scariness. It was a thrilling one.
And he’d made it so safe for her afterward that it seemed silly and immature to avoid him today.
She wasn’t going to do it. He deserved better from her. She wanted to go on a hike with him, so she was going to do it.
Sure. Sounds good. What time?
Whenever you’re ready.
I’m just getting up. Give me 30 min.
Got it.
She smiled at the texts. Like a doofus. Then she rolled out of bed and headed for the coffeepot.
Since she didn’t need to wash her hair today and do any elaborate primping, she was tying her shoes when Keith knocked a half an hour later.
He grinned at her, warm and relaxed and so good-looking in his jeans and light gray crewneck that she had a brief moment of paralysis.
He cocked his head to one side, his smile turning to scrutiny. “You okay?”
“Of course I’m okay.”
“You’re not going to be weird about last night, are you?”
She gave him a faint scowl. “Of course not. Are you?”
“Do I look weird?”
“No,” she admitted glumly. “You look hot.” When she heard what she’d said, she made a little jerk. “I mean—”
He laughed uninhibitedly as he stepped into her apartment. “Don’t you dare take it back. What a way to start the day.”