He winks back at me. “I’ll ask. But really, it was how she coped. She didn’t have it easy with guys before my uncle Tate.”
“How did it feel to be surrounded by greatness growing up?” Boon asks, and Aiden grins.
“Fantastic but then super fucking overwhelming. I had to live up to them or I was a failure.”
Boon nods then. “Ah, Posey told me that once, since Shelli’s so incredible.”
“Yeah, Posey gets it. Not that I agree, ya know,” Aiden says quickly, looking to Boon. “I think Posey is awesome.”
Boon laughs. “I know, dude. Relax.”
Aiden flashes him a grin before looking back at the TV to continue his game. When Zac starts to fuss, Boon moves to get him, but I’m closer. I slowly lift the sack of potatoes in my arms, leaning him on my chest and patting his butt. Boon seems impressed. “I thought you didn’t have siblings?”
“I don’t,” I say with a grin. “But one of the houses I was placed in growing up was a designated foster home, and there were babies galore since a lot of people were on crack and got their kids taken away.”
Boon raises a brow at me. “You were in foster care?”
I continue soothing Zac. “I’ve told you that.”
“No, you haven’t.”
Aiden agrees, “Yeah, this is the first I’m hearing this too.”
“How long were you in foster care?”
When I joined the Assassins, I told the guys my mom died giving birth to me and my dad raised me on my own because that was easier than admitting the truth. Now that I’ve been in therapy with Noelle, I’m more comfortable telling the truth.
But I’m still not ashamed of my foster care days. At the time, it was the only option for me, and I was safe. It sucked since I couldn’t play hockey, but then one of my friend’s moms offered to take me in, and that worked out great. Cathy wasn’t my mom, but she was a great second, and when I signed my first contract into the NHL, I paid off her mortgage, while my buddy, Jesse Policaki, who plays for the IceCats, paid off her cars and all her debt. It was the least I could do. She took great care of me.
“Not long. Maybe a month? It sucked at first because I couldn’t play, but then my adopted mom fought to take me since they were dragging ass on her paperwork.”
“Cathy is your adopted mom? I thought she was your stepmom.”
A chill runs down my spine. My body freezes, and I feel like I might puke. “Oh, fuck no. She’s adopted. She’s an angel.”
“Oh, my bad. Sorry,” Aiden says quickly. “And you really don’t talk to your dad?”
I can’t answer him. I think Boon knows that too because he says, “That’s why your charity is the Nashville Angels.”
“Yup, very proud to support it since the foster home I was in was so over capacity, but they kept throwing kids into homes where they weren’t getting what they needed. We had no help back home, and I know Nashville has a great support system, but I want to help more. Kids deserve it. So, yeah, I’m good with kids because that’s what I did to pass time when I was in foster care. I’d take care of the babies and teach the older kids hockey.”
Aiden glances back at me. “That’s cool, dude.”
“Yeah, not all of us have a silver spoon in our mouths,” I tease, needing to lighten the mood. Thankfully, Aiden laughs, knowing good and well he has like six in his mouth. Must be nice. I mean, don’t get me wrong, my family wasn’t poor at all, but once I was taken from my dad, I never saw a lick of my mom’s life insurance money. I also never got any of the stuff she had. When I was removed from the home, I grabbed what I could, but it wasn’t nearly enough.
“Is that why you’re in therapy? I thought maybe it was for sex addiction,” Boon asks kindly, and I shake my head.
“Sex addiction,” I laugh, and he grins. “No, asshole, and the foster shit is a part of my healing but not the real reason.”
“Oh. Not to pry, but is it dealing with the grief over your mom? I know losing someone to cancer can be traumatizing.”
“Yeah, it was,” I say, and I don’t add anything else. I love my friends, they’re my boys, but I don’t talk about what happened. Hell, it took two years for me to fully admit it to Noelle. The only reason she knew was because it came in my previous therapist’s session notes. There were times when we would just stare at each other, and she was okay with it. Fuck, I don’t want to learn a new therapist. “Maybe I should get traded to Colorado to follow Noelle?”
Boon gives me a dry look. “We’ve had enough loss on this team. You can’t leave us.”
“For sure. I’ll be your damn therapist. I’ll listen and stuff a few of my silver spoons in your mouth,” Aiden says simply, and we all laugh at that.
“You know that, though. Right? That we’re here for you? We’ll listen?” Boon asks, and he’s such a good dude. He doesn’t ignore his feelings; he feels them, and he doesn’t care who knows. Aiden feels them, but he tries to hide them behind his tough dude exterior. Me, I’m just trying to survive.
“I know, bro. Thanks.”
Zac moves in my arms, and I hold him close to me as he sighs. I lean my chin on his little head and take in that baby smell. It’s soothing, even if it reminds me of a time I’d rather never think of. While there was more pain than I care to admit, there was also joy.
I’ve always figured I’d die alone. No woman would want to put up with the demons that ride me like a bull. I get that. My name and picture are in the dictionary next to “walking disaster,” and even with the loads of therapy I’ve done, I’m still a mess. But deep inside, I want one of these squishy potatoes. I want to be what I should have had. I want to protect. I want to love. I want to spoil. For that, though, I need a wife. A female willing to take me on, and I don’t know if she exists. It’s crazy the one I would want to take me on is Stella.
Not only would Aiden take out my knees, knowing I want her so much, but it wouldn’t be fair to Stella. That’s why I only wanted to have sex with her. Get my fill of that body and move on. More and more, though, talking to her and being on the receiving end of those grins has only made it harder for me not to want more from her. A life, if you will. She’s young, though. She’s beyond talented and so damn smart. Beautiful. Fuck, incredibly beautiful.
Yeah, Stella Brooks wouldn’t want me.
She’d run.
Which would be smart.
Chapter Seven
Wes
Since I’m a single male, my house is in downtown Nashville.
When I first came to the Assassins, I lived with some of the other players and then Boon once he split up from his fiancée, but then he fell in love with Posey and I knew my time with my bro was over. It was okay; I truly needed to live by myself. I’d been depending on the company of others to stop my thoughts for so long that living alone has been great for me. I almost offered to have one of the other guys on the team be my roommate, but after lots of discussion, Noelle thought it would be best for me to be by myself. It’s been almost a year in this place, and I truly love my alone time. I watch entirely too much Netflix, play too much Call of Duty, and eat a lot, but I’m alone, and that’s good. I can live by myself and be okay. Since that’s probably my future, I’m glad I fixed that now. Also, walking naked in my place with no worries is pretty fucking awesome.