And don’t get me started on the giant granny panties. So hot! Tula had definitely needed some temptation in her life.
Joke was on him, of course, because it turned out that she was the one woman on the planet immune to Zac’s powers. Her affections could only be won with genuine love. Didn’t stop him from trying to seduce her, though.
And yes, he failed. And failed and failed and failed again.
Until one day, he truly fell for her. Maybe it was the way she looked at him—like he could do no wrong. Perhaps it was how she saw hope in every situation. Or it could’ve been her sexy, curvy little body.
All of the above? In any case, once he fell, that was it. There would never be another woman. I won’t quit until she’s in my arms again.
“So, Micky Louse, why have you decided to piss off every immortal, dead or alive?” Zac studied the king’s amber-colored eyes and angular cold features, searching for clues. Was this all for shits and Gs? Was this about revenge? Anger? Power?
“I want out.” The king ran his bony hand over his thick dark hair. If Maury were a human, Zac would think the man was worried, but this was a demon. He couldn’t be trusted.
For the record, there were many subsets of species belonging to the demon kingdom. Some looked fairly human in size, with elegant, sharp features—straight noses, pronounced cheekbones, and uniquely colored eyes. Maury was one such creature, an attractive man by human standards. Then there were the incubi and succubi—very, very hot by anyone’s standards.
And lastly, there was what Zac liked to call the “holy hell, you’re fucking ugly!” category. In his experience, most demons fell into the latter. They had oddly shaped limbs, ghastly complexions, uneven facial features, and they smelled bad. Most barely passed for human and generally made small children cry.
Zac blinked. “Out? Out of what?”
“I want to live in the human world. Permanently. Any suggestions on how to make that happen?”
This was interesting. It meant Maury hadn’t figured out a way to hop from the underworld to the human world yet. Not with a humanlike body, anyway. Sure, his soul could hang around on Earth for a short time, but his energy would eventually fade. He had no real power. So the king needs a way into human-land and a vessel.
For humans, they had to be born or required a living body to inhabit. The same went for most immortals, exceptions being creatures that defied all laws of the natural world, like angels, genies, leprechauns, or unicorns.
As for the gods, they entered through sacred portals connecting their realm to the Earth. Even so, the gods needed to take a human form to truly interact with the human world, which was why at the end of those portals were cenotes.
Cenotes were ancient freshwater springs that bubbled up from deep within the Earth’s bowels, pulling minerals and nutrients from rocks and soil, along with energy from Mother Nature herself. Some cenotes were hidden under the Mexican jungle floor in stalactite-covered caves. Some were exposed to the open Yucatan air and shimmered with magnificent shades of deep greens. Quite the sight. But it was the water that provided the necessary molecules to form humanlike bodies, while their own deific energy held it all together like a glue.
Demons once had their own portals, too—sulfuric cesspools connecting the demon realm to Earth. The gods destroyed them as part of their banishment because it was a well-known fact that demon energy was highly corrosive. Eventually, their human shells would break down, and the demon would require another. When the gods took away their portals, they not only sealed off all entrances between the demon realm and the human plane, but they removed the means for demons on Earth to obtain new bodies. Any demons who had refused to return home were stuck between worlds. Nowhere to go. We sealed those portals up tight.
In short, the king might have miraculously escaped his realm and snuck in here to the underworld, but he had no way to truly inhabit the land of the living. Not if he wanted to enjoy the things demons loved: sex with humans, overeating at the Golden Corral, driving really slow in the fast lane, etc. Basically, anything that provoked diarrhea, anger, and/or chaos was their jam.
“So, you wish to go to the human world, huh?” Zac laughed into the air. “Sorry. All out of ideas on how to let bastards like you onto my turf. Guess that means you can suck it and stay here, not dying of boredom for all eternity. Or, even better, go back the way you came and not die of boredom there.”
Maury narrowed his amber eyes. “If I’m not going to Earth, then neither shall you. Fortunately, I will not be alone here in the underworld. My future mate will join me.”
“Well, congratulations to your woman. Or man. Or demonic unisex unipet—whatever you’re into.” Zac didn’t judge.
“I am pleased to hear you’re taking this so well, Zac, because I certainly would not approve if I were you.”
Zac shrugged. “Why would I care who warms your bed? Or leaves giant furballs stuck to your pillow?”
“Have I mentioned that I recently met a very beautiful, purehearted woman who has captured my heart? She is kind, but no pushover. She is smart, but not arrogant. She is good, but not pious. She never judges others no matter how dark their souls.”
“She sounds like a special gal. Kind of like my…” Zac’s words faded. No. No. No. Tula had been here to the underworld after being separated from her body—a long story. But basically, she died. Her body, however, had been taken by Minky, the evil invisible unicorn. They got it back, but not without some serious drama. Fucking Minky.
And fucking demon king!
Zac snarled. “You can’t have her. Tula is mine. My mate.”
“Is she? Is she really?” Maury’s eyes twinkled with demonic mischief.
Zac’s arms strained against the rusty chains, his heart burning with rage at the thought of anyone touching his sweet, loving Tula.
“Well, I can admit,” said Maury, rubbing his smooth jaw, “I only met her briefly, but there was a definite spark between us.”
Lies. Lies from a demon! Tula would never be unfaithful. “You’re lucky I’m chained up.”
“Luck has nothing to do with it. I have demon skillzzz, which is better than regular skills because it’s got more pizzazz. Kind of like me. That’s how I know I can fulfill Tula’s darkest desires.”
Grrr rah! Tula would never choose this demon over him. Never! But now wasn’t the time to lose his cool. It was time to outwit. Use the king’s weakness against him. If Zac knew one thing about demons, it was that they believed themselves superior to all others. Their egos were unmatched, which said a lot coming from a god.
“I understand why you would be captivated by such a beautiful, unique female such as Tula, but what will the other demons say if they hear of this?” Zac asked.
“Of what?”
“Isn’t it obvious? You’re afraid, Maury. That’s why I am chained up. I mean, here you are, some no-name demon claiming to be their king. But I’ve never heard of you, which means the demons probably haven’t either, nor have they declared you their ruler.” Demons were big on notoriety, which could only be achieved by doing very bad things on a massive scale—like taking over entire civilizations—or by having a huge demon cock, in the case of the males. Maury struck him as the sort of guy with a tiny pecker.