“Maybe his wife found out and he’s been kicked out and is roaming the streets, sleeping in his car.”
I hugged my knees to my chest. My guilt soured my stomach. I should’ve seen the signs. I should’ve asked more questions. I should’ve been smarter. “He was good at hiding her from me. Maybe he’ll be just as good at hiding me from her.”
“Don’t get that tone. You didn’t know. How could you have known? He was a pilot. You two moved in together. He flew you to visit your parents over the summer.”
“But I always know. I’m the one who calls other people on their bullshit, and I’m living this wonderful life with a guy I think I might marry. And oh, what was that? I’ll take ‘Who Has Been Banging a Married Guy’ for $800, Alex.” I’d been an idiot, so blinded by the sweet words and loving attention that I’d dismissed the gaps in time as him being focused on his career. Had I not wanted to see? Avoided asking too many questions because I was so wrapped up in being loved by someone?
“I’ll say it again. How were you supposed to know? He met your friends. He met your family. You spent holidays together. No one suspected he was leading a double life.”
“I should’ve suspected it.” The dirty taint clung to me no matter how many times I showered. My amazing boyfriend had turned out to be someone else’s husband. The guilt gnawed at my gut.
“And the second you caught a whiff of his lies, you left the same freaking night. You’re not a bad person.”
“I—” How could I not be? I’d slept with a married man. My stomach knotted and churned, so close to roiling like it had when he’d confessed. There was a hint of satisfaction that I’d painted his pants with puke that night.
“Repeat after me. ‘I am not a bad person.’”
“Cat—” What would people think if they found out? How could I face my parents, who’d been happily married for thirty years? Imagining someone breaking those two apart… I shook my head, trying to burn away every memory of Seth I still had left in my brain.
“Nope! I don’t want to hear it. Say it loud and say it proud over the pounding music in the background. Say it.” A teasing chiding in her voice. She’d call back if I hung up, flood my inbox if I didn’t respond, and possibly send over a singing telegram if I didn’t give in.
“I’m not a bad person.” I rush-mumbled through the declaration, wanting to believe it but not sure I could.
“No. Stand up. Puff up your chest and shout it.”
“I’m not going—”
“I swear, I will call your mom and tell her you’re the one who knocked over the lamp in third grade and burned through the carpet in the dining room if you don’t.”
“Way to jump twenty steps ahead on the threats.” I shoved my chair back from the desk. My grandparents had given my mom that gift on her wedding day. She’d loved it and placed it beside the china cabinet in the dining room. Cat had been banned from our house for a whole summer when she took the fall for it.
See, I was totally a shitty person!
“You’d have had me on the phone for the next twenty minutes if I didn’t.”
Standing up, I glanced around, although the door was closed and the blinds were drawn.
“Hold the phone away from your mouth so you don’t blow out my eardrum. I want to hear your scream it.”
With the phone in front of me, I put her on speaker and repeated the line. The tightness in my chest ebbed away, and I could scream it louder, a barrier in my brain being pounded on by my voice. I could almost believe it.
“Louder!”
I repeated it again with more conviction. At least, after all of Hunter’s late-night dance parties, I knew the neighbors weren’t sticklers for volume.
“You can do better than that. I can still hear the music thumping in the background. Drown it out for me,” she shouted even louder.
Throwing my head back, I screamed at the ceiling, “I am not a bad person.” The breath I released after my declaration didn’t feel so tight. A stifled laugh burst free from my lips, and I covered my mouth with my hand, shaking my head. This was why she was my oldest friend. The one who didn’t stand for anyone being an asshole to her best friend, not even me.
“There, was that so hard?
“Actually, yes.” I plopped back into my chair.
“I’ve got to go in a second. Let’s get back to the new roommate. We’re hating him, right? Are we hating him hating him or loving to hate him? Tell me more about the forearms.”
“Would you stop?”
“He’s totally hot, isn’t he?”
“In a guy-who-can-get-any-woman-so-he-does-and-leaves-them-all-high-and-dry kind of way.” In a he’d-probably-slept-his-way-down-the-Eastern-Seaboard way. He was hot, I couldn’t deny it, but that didn’t mean I wanted anything to do with him. My burns were still raw and I didn’t need to jump right back into the fire.
“I’m sure he’s not leaving anyone dry, if you know what I mean.” she purred.
“You haven’t even seen him.”
“From the level of eye roll in your voice, I can tell he’s freaking gorgeous. High fives to Gma Georgina for hooking you up with a hottie roommate.”
“We don’t see much of each other.”
“I’m sure you’d like to see more of him. A lot more.” Ten bucks said her eyebrows were waggling.
“I’m hanging up.”
“Wait. One more thing.”
“I thought you said you needed to go.”
“I do, but it’s cool. My date doesn’t mind. Our drinks haven’t shown up yet.”
“You’re on a date right now? Like right this instant?” Out in public? In a crowded restaurant with flower arrangements sitting in the center of a linen-draped table? The background noise on her end was minimal. Maybe she’d snuck off into the bathroom.
“Yeah, but it’s cool. When my bestie calls, I answer.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s fine. I’ll give my date a blow job in his car to make up for it.”
I slapped my good hand against my forehead. “Is he actually sitting right in front of you?”
“Actually beside me. I’m giving him a handy right now.”
My cheeks burned, and I was thousands of miles away. “Oh my God! Come on! I didn’t need to know any of that.”
“You always said I was a good multitasker.”
“I’m hanging up now.”
“Wait! One more thing. You mentioned how your wrist was out of service for a bit.”
“If you bring up hand jobs…”
“No, I was going to suggest a model. For your Harper Linens deadline. Find a hot guy, maybe that new roommate of yours, and he can be some man candy in your pics. It might help get their attention, and then you can rest your wrist.”
“That’s…actually not a terrible idea.” Not Hunter, of course, but maybe I could find someone else.
“See. Multitasking.”
“You’re an absolute nut.”
“I know and it makes you love me even more.”