“I’m so sorry.”
The anger and betrayal Natasha felt, along with everything else, made her grit her teeth. “I wish to God I’d never hired her, wish her application had never crossed my desk. I felt sorry for her, if you can believe that, because she was alone in a new place. She wanted to come over to my house all the time—now I think she wanted to be me—and I allowed it because I was trying to be a friend.”
“Just hearing about it is enraging.” He shook his head. “How’d you meet her? Where’d she come from?”
“Pennsylvania. She answered my ad, told me she’d recently been through a rough breakup—wanted kids but her ex wouldn’t hear of it—was tired of the cold winters back East and wanted to move to California. And she came with a glowing recommendation from the hospital where she’d worked before, so...how was I to know?”
“They liked her at that hospital?”
“Not really. It came out in court that they’d had several babies die under her watch. They were being sued by some of the parents and didn’t want to risk more trouble. So they asked her to resign, and she agreed as long as they gave her a recommendation so that she could move on.”
“They knew she was dangerous and gave it to her anyway?”
“They had their suspicions. But they didn’t have proof. They just wanted to be rid of her. And I relied on their recommendation. Her background check came back clean, and there wasn’t anything in her file that told me she might be dangerous.”
“You should sue the hospital.”
“That’s what everyone says. And I’ve thought about it. But it would take a lot of time, energy and money—and if I win, it would be the hospital that would pay, not the people who are responsible.”
“Don’t tell me they still work there.”
“No. They’ve been fired. I could sue the hospital anyway, of course, but do I really want something that terrible consuming so much of my life? Those things aren’t quick. And there’s no guarantee I’ll win, even if I go through the agony.” She preferred to bring an end to that chapter of her life as soon as possible—cut away the negativity and move on. “I’ve decided it’ll be better for me, and Lucas, if I just start over.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Well, you did everything you could. The death of that child is on the person who gave her the recommendation, not you. No other doctor could’ve seen her coming.”
“That’s what I keep telling myself.” She swallowed hard. “I just wish I could believe it.”
He put his arm around her, but she was so tempted to lean into him that she leaned away instead, and he let his arm drop.
They sat in silence for several seconds. Then he said, “I’m sorry, you know.”
She could tell by his tone and manner that he was now broaching an entirely different subject. “I don’t want to talk about us.”
“Okay, but...can I just say one thing?”
“No.”
“Come on, Tash. You’re the one who never came back, not for good.”
Only because she couldn’t take the soul-crushing rejection. Because she was determined to build a meaningful life instead of sticking around Whiskey Creek with her heart in her hand, hoping he’d eventually see her differently. She refused to beg for a man’s love the way her mother did; she’d seen how far that had gotten Anya. “If that’s the way you see it, I’ll take the blame.”
“I’m not blaming you. I’m... I want you to know how sorry I am that—”
“You don’t owe me any apologies,” she interrupted, too afraid to let him finish. “You’ve done a lot for me over the years, and I’m grateful.” He’d also smashed her heart into a thousand tiny pieces over and over again, which had eventually caused her to marry someone she shouldn’t have, but she wasn’t going to try to explain how he’d triggered that cascade of bad decisions. Mack couldn’t love her the way she’d always loved him. Period. End of story. Given that, nothing else mattered.
“I know I’ve hurt you, and I feel terrible about it,” he said. “That was never my intention. I’ve always wanted you to be happy, tried to look out for you.”
“I’ve just been through the worst year of my life,” she said. “I can’t deal with this right now, okay?”
The reedy sound of her voice must’ve gotten through to him. He pursed his lips as he studied her. “All right.”
“I’m getting tired.” She covered a fake yawn. “I think I’ll go in and move Lucas so that we can get back to bed. See you in the morning.”
He didn’t answer. Neither did he follow her inside.
* * *
After the screen door shut, Mack sighed. Natasha wouldn’t trust him. In the three days they’d been together, she’d been careful to show her appreciation for his help, but she remained wary of anything too reminiscent of where they’d been before.
He couldn’t blame her. He’d let her down. But whenever he looked at the past, he couldn’t see how he could’ve done things any differently. Except for that Christmas seven years ago when his desire for her had simply overcome his restraint, he’d been as circumspect as he could be, especially considering how difficult it had been almost from the start.
She’d been only sixteen when he met her, and yet she’d let him know right away that she wanted him. He’d thought it was a childish crush, at first, but she never wavered. And when he started to feel the same attraction, he became alarmed. He didn’t want to be the kind of lech who would move in on a sixteen-year-old! Besides, he and his brothers had let her and her mother come live at the house to help Tasha get through school, which would’ve made a physical relationship with her even more predatory—as if he was taking advantage of the fact that she didn’t have a mom decent enough to look after her properly.
He’d never admitted his true feelings—to anyone, especially her. He’d resisted even when she came into his room right before she left for college and told him she was in love with him and wanted to give him her virginity. Although she’d been nineteen at the time, technically an adult, he’d refused because he’d been thinking of what was best for her. In his mind, nineteen was still too young. Not only was his father still married to her mother at the time, he’d known if he took her to bed, she wouldn’t leave. She’d stay in Whiskey Creek to be with him, and he wanted her to have the opportunity to experience more of life, to see what was outside their small town before she tied herself down to him or anyone else.
He cursed under his breath at the memory of how difficult that night had been. But even if there hadn’t been such an age difference between them, he couldn’t do anything that would embarrass or humiliate his brothers. He wasn’t going to make it any harder for them to live down the stigma of what their parents had done. If not for Dylan, Aaron, Rod and Grady, he didn’t know where he’d be. His older brothers were the ones who’d always looked out for him. They’d all warned him to stay away from Natasha. And he’d listened—until that night in Whiskey Creek when he’d finally succumbed. After that, he’d freaked out because he couldn’t believe he’d crossed that line, and while he was trying to come to terms with whether or not he could allow himself to take what he wanted, she’d gone back to seeing Ace.