I should be running for the hills after what I saw last night. Seeing what Pavel’s capable of, being reminded that the world he lives in is far, far different from mine, should have been the clincher. It should have driven home the idea that I shouldn’t pursue more from this guy. We are just sex, and I should be happy with that.
But my ambitious little heart won’t take no for an answer. I have the need to be claimed fully by him. I’ll never forget how spectacularly freeing it felt at Black Light when he scooped me up and told me I belonged to him now.
I want to belong to him. I like belonging to him.
And I know I do right now in the master-slave fantasy sense, but I want it in the real-life sense, too. Or, at least I think I do.
Maybe that’s plain nuts.
“Why don’t I show you L.A.?” I suggest then wince a little, already anticipating his rejection of the idea. In our relationship, I don’t drive. He does.
But he blinks and shrugs. “Sure. I didn’t rent a car this time, but we could ride share somewhere.”
“I have my car. I mean, it’s not fancy, but we could take it. You could drive, if you want,” I add hastily.
The corners of his lips tick up. “Yeah, okay. I don’t need fancy.”
“No?” I move to my suitcase to grab something to wear—Pavel’s kept me naked all morning, even after my shower.
Pavel makes a soft scoffing sound. “You must know I don’t come from money, Kayla.”
I put on my bra and a long-sleeved turquoise shirt that makes my boobs look great. “I actually don’t know much about you at all, Master.” I use the honorific Master to keep it from sounding like a complaint, which it really is.
He must hear it for what it is because as I start to put on my panties, he looks over and demands, “Why are you wearing panties?”
I pull them on anyway, feeling impish. “For protection. Because my master likes to spank me far too much.” I giggle and sidle away from him when he advances.
“Sassy. I like it when you’re naughty.” I think I expect him to chase, but he takes his time following me, forcing me to stop and wait for him to arrive. His hands settle on my hips. “Take them off.”
I lift my chin, a gleeful challenge in my eyes.
Pavel considers me. For the thousandth time, I wish he wasn’t so darn hard to read. I can’t even tell if he’s amused by my antics or annoyed. “You want me to chase you and take them off, myself, don’t you?”
I keep playing, slipping out of his grasp with a breathy laugh.
“I like it better when you obey.”
I freeze. I was up for earning a little punishment, getting myself in trouble, but not for his dissatisfaction with me. “Sorry, Master.” I move to take them back off.
Pavel follows me. “Nyet, that’s not true. I like you sassy, too.” He manacles my wrists and yanks me up against his chest.
My breath leaves me, and I look up at his harsh, handsome face, thrilled he’s finally getting playful. He slowly twists my arms behind my back, turning me to face the bed. “Is this what you wanted, blossom?” he whispers in my ear. “To be forced?”
“Yes.”
He pushes my torso down and smacks my bare ass. “I don’t think I can do pretend non-consent.”
“Okay.”
He doesn’t move, just holds me in the position, suspended in his refusal. “It’s not that I don’t like it, Kayla.” It feels like an admission. A confession. Like I’m hearing something real, maybe for the first time. “I do.” He rubs away the sting the single spank left. “I just… Fuck. I like it way too much.”
I’m trembling, and not from the scene, for once. Because of the rawness of his confession. Is this why he always holds back? He’s afraid of his own dark desires?
“I trust you,” I tell him.
He makes a dissenting sound in his throat.
“I have a safe word. I would use it if I wanted.” I’m new to this world, but Pavel’s been a perfect partner. He reads me. He’s careful. He pays attention.
He strokes my ass, circling it. He’s silent for what feels like forever, then he finally says, “You’re too trusting.”
For some reason, that offends me. I love submitting to Pavel, letting him run the show completely, making all the decisions for us. But this feels like he’s criticizing my submission—the one thing I bring to this very limited relationship.
“Screw you,” I snap.
Pavel proves my judgement is perfectly sound by immediately releasing my wrists and stepping back.
I straighten and whirl to face him, heat flushing my cheeks. His brows are down, confusion playing over his features.
“Don’t question the one thing I bring to this… arrangement.” I can’t even bring myself to call it a relationship.
He takes another step back and holds his hands up in surrender. “Wait—the one thing? Fuck that.”
Fascination overtakes my anger at seeing irritation pierce Pavel’s cool facade. I’d take any real emotion from him at this point.
He stoops to pick up my panties and hands them to me. I guess I now have permission to put them on. “Kayla…”—he shoves his hand through his hair—“You bring everything. You bring you. That’s all I want.”
I pull on the panties and a pair of skinny jeans, facing away from him for a minute. Unmoored, bobbing in unknown waters, I don’t even know what I want.
“Hey.” Pavel wraps an arm around my waist from behind and yanks me back against him. He fists my hair. “Tell me why you’re mad.”
I realize this is what I wanted all along. To be claimed. Captured. I don’t want to be adrift on my own trying to navigate these choppy waters.
“You act like I’m making a mistake, and I shouldn’t be with you. It’s the same as you always dangling the end over my head. I don’t like it.”
He’s silent for a beat, then says, “Complaint received and noted.” He bites my ear. Not a nip, but a solid bite. A little punishment for my outburst. My panties get wet. He still holds me captive.
“I’m sorry, Master,” I say, now that I’ve expressed myself. “Am I in trouble?”
“Definitely. Lots of trouble.”
I’d be nervous, but I detect the purr in his voice. This is the messiest non-relationship relationship I’ve ever had. It feels like a tightrope walk with no net, but the exhilaration is addictive.
“I’ll save it for tonight.” He slides his hand between my legs, rubbing the seam of my jeans up against my clit. Now my panties are completely soaked. “Right now, I’m expecting an L.A. experience.”
Pavel
The first thing I think when I climb behind the wheel of Kayla’s ten-year-old Camry is that I want to buy her a new car. It’s obscene how much I want to shower this girl in gifts, which is why we’re at the Four Seasons Beverly Hills instead of somewhere even a little more reasonable.
I live a lavish lifestyle right now, but it’s on the pakhan’s dime. Getting sent to America to work for Ravil while I was lying low was the best thing that ever happened to me. Ravil brought benevolence, reason and stability when all I’d ever known before was violence and chaos. He takes good care of his cell. We live in style. I have no living expenses, which means all my earnings go straight into savings. Savings I plan to use to set myself up back in Russia when things cool off there. Another reason I should’ve broken things off with Kayla last night.