She looks radiant, but nervous, too, and I’m forced to remember she’s only seventeen. Suddenly it hits me like a ton of bricks. I’m about to marry this girl. My heart starts to pound like I’ve just run a damn marathon.
Kami and Barb descend, but before Barb can lead her daughter to the kitchen to sign the same papers I just did, I have to stop them. “Barb!”
She pauses and looks back at me.
“Let me talk to her alone,” I say, but its not a request; I’m already taking Kami by the hand and pulling her toward the door to the library. I lead her inside and shut the doors behind us. The room is bare, but the fireplace and surrounding bookcases in a cherry wood warm the place. Tall paned windows flood the room with light. I pace to them and back, stopping to lean a palm on the mantle.
“You look nice in the suit,” she whispers.
I run a hand down the back of my neck and drop my arm, turning to face her. “And you’re gorgeous in that dress.”
“Thank you.”
I exhale. “I don’t like surprises, Kami, never have, and that’s what this is, that’s what you are.”
“I didn’t want this either.”
“You sure about that?”
“What?”
“If you’re lookin’ for some kind of happily-ever-after here, this ain’t it, babe.”
“You think I want this?” she asks sharply.
“I’m just tellin’ you, if you have any romantic notions that this arrangement,” I motion between us, “is gonna last, gonna turn into something more, that is definitely not in the cards.”
“As if!” She points toward the closed door. “You saw how shocked I was when I walked in and saw you, and even more so when my mother suggested this whole thing! You think you’re some longed after prize? My life is destroyed. God, get over yourself!”
“Okay, fine. Just so you understand, this isn’t a love match and it never will be, no matter what childhood crush you had.”
“I get it, okay? And don’t flatter yourself. You’re just the best of a short list of bad options. Nothing more.”
“You have no idea what you’re letting yourself in for, girl.”
“Look. I’ve come to the realization my mother needs this, needs to know her daughter is in safe hands. And for some misguided reason, she feels you’re the man for the job.”
I drag a hand through my hair; regretting I even brought it up. “Okay, look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yes you did.”
“I was as blindsided by this as you were. Your mother’s done a lot for mine, Kami. So, naturally I asked if there was anything I could do for her. I never expected this.”
“Neither did I.”
I pace, jamming my hands in my pockets, and come to a stop by a window. I lean against the frame and stare out at the lawns and gardens my father tended to for years. Some other company tends them now, and they don’t look the same. I feel Kami come to stand near me, and I can’t ignore her. My voice is low when I ask, my eyes still on the view, “So what are we gonna do? You still want to go through with this charade?”
“Trying to back out?”
I take a deep breath, struggling to not take offense by her question, but it sears into me, that challenge she just tossed out. I turn to her and lift a brow. “No, I’m trying to make sure you’re not being forced into something.”
“I’m not.”
“Your mom isn’t pressuring you?” She shakes her head, but I’m not buying it. “Babe, I’ll go out there and tell her it’s off. Just say the word, and you’re free.”
She huffs out a laugh. “But am I?”
I search her eyes, and repeat the question. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Given that we’ve had all of about five minutes to think about it, can I be sure about any of this? No, I’m not sure, but I don’t have much in the way of options, do I?”
“I don’t know. Do you?” I press her. “There’s no family to take custody of you?”
She looks at the floor, and then lifts her chin proudly. “There’s no one. Can we just get this over with, please?”
“Babe, you look scared to death.”
“Maybe I am.”
“Kami, you know me.”
“Do I though?”
“You’re right. I guess not, but you must know I’d never hurt you. At least give me that. I’m only trying to help you out here. If you want, I’ll walk out that door and you’ll never see me again. Just say the word.” When she stays quiet and I see her lip tremble, I feel the need well up in me to put her mind at ease. “You’ll be safe with me, Kami. I’ll never force you to do anything, if that’s your fear. If we’re upfront and honest…maybe we could at least be friends.”
“Friends. Sure.”
“Three months, and then we quietly end the whole thing, right?”
“Right. The marriage will have served its purpose, and you’ll be free of me.”
Taking Kami’s hand, I lead her out of the room and to the kitchen where she signs the paperwork, and the attorney and judge witness it. The moment they’re through, I take my soon-to-be-bride’s hand and lead her out of the back door into the blazing Georgia sunshine. With her body close against mine, I can feel the tension in its lines and wonder how fast her heart is beating right now. Maybe even as hard and fast as mine.
I can’t quite lie to myself enough to pretend there isn’t a chance this will turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life.
I remind myself of Barb’s words… it’s only temporary, just until Kami turns eighteen. But a voice in the back of my brain drowns those words out with different words—words I was always raised to believe. Marriage is for life.
I blink in the sunlight. Everything feels somehow more real outside.
I block out that nagging voice in my head, my denial that any of this is real holding strong.
CHAPTER SIX
Kami—
I’m standing in the garden with a bouquet of pale pink peonies in my hand that my mother cut from her prize-winning bushes, a ribbon hastily wrapped around the stems. The judge is holding a bible and reads a short verse.
I stare into Santos’ eyes, and he in mine. His gaze is steady and firm, and I swallow. He’s a handsome man, and the thirteen-year-old girl inside me wants to believe he’s my knight in shining armor still. I remember all the nights I fantasized about this boy who’s now a man. Never in all my dreams did I actually imagine this would happen. Oh, sure, I doodled my imaginary married name a hundred times, Mrs. Santos Chaves. But that was a dream. This is reality.
The judge finishes his verse. We’re down to the serious part now.
“We have gathered here together to witness and to celebrate the coming together of Kami and Santos as they enter into the sacred and joyous covenant of marriage. It is the highest bond of love.
“Love is powerful. It softens life’s rough edges. It makes us somehow braver to go forth into the world knowing that the shelter of someone’s love awaits us at day’s end. We are most vulnerable when we love. We place our trust in another to honor us and to care for us, to treasure us and to receive our love.