“What if I drop her? Or hurt her? Or—”
“Giulia, it’s going to be fine. You won’t drop her, and you won’t hurt her.”
Giulia nodded and finally held out her arms. I put Simona into them, and Giulia immediately cradled her to her chest. “Oh, she’s heavier than I thought.”
I hovered beside her to see if she could handle it, but Giulia only had eyes for Simona. She looked terrified and a little lost. Then Simona did what she always did when anyone but me or my sisters or mother held her; she began bawling, her tiny arms and legs thrashing as she tried to squirm away from the stranger.
Giulia’s eyes grew wide, scared, as she sought my gaze for help.
Sighing, I went over to the bottles. “Try to console her. She needs to get used to you.” Simona had never taken to Sybil or the other maids. If the same happened with Giulia, months of sleepless nights would turn into years and my daughter would remain without a mother figure in her life. It was an option I didn’t want to entertain.
“Shh… Shh.” Giulia rocked Simona, but even from afar I could see her anxiety, and Simona could probably feel it too. The crying didn’t cease. If possible, it got even more intense. I moved faster, preparing the formula, trying not to let the cries snap my patience. I wanted to call Felix right this moment and tell him that he’d regret lying to me, that I’d find a way to make him pay. The best way, of course, to pay him back would be to nullify our marriage because he’d cheated me of a promised mother figure. With the bottle, I walked over to Giulia, who looked close to tears herself. But it would be absolutely dishonorable to cancel the marriage at this point, and not just that…. Nothing in this world would make me give up Giulia now that I had her. Maybe she wasn’t the mother my children needed, but fuck, she was what I craved.
The moment I took Simona from Giulia, her shoulders sagged with relief. Simona quieted in my hold and accepted the bottle, watching me with teary eyes, her chubby cheeks blotchy.
“I’m sorry,” Giulia said. Guilt filled her expression.
I didn’t say anything. Slowly, I made my way back upstairs and into Simona’s room. Giulia was quiet. I should say something, tell her it would get better, but I wasn’t sure if it was true.
Giulia watched me the entire time that I fed my daughter. Simona was calm as I cradled her against my chest. “Should I try to hold her again?” she asked, uncertain.
“No,” I clipped. I couldn’t bear another crying fit.
Giulia nodded slowly, looking away. Silence settled over us, only disturbed by the suckling sounds of Simona drinking her bottle. When she was finally done, my eyes burned with exhaustion. I tried to put Simona back down in her crib, but the moment I did, she began wailing again.
With a small sigh, I went over to the rocking chair in the corner and sank down. The thing groaned under my weight. “You can go to sleep. I don’t need you.”
Giulia winced as if I’d slapped her. She turned, walked out, and silently closed the door.
I rocked, watching my daughter who looked wide awake. This would be another sleepless night.
Simona had eventually fallen asleep so I was able to catch two hours of sleep before my alarm rang at six. Groaning, feeling bone-tired, I straightened in bed. Giulia sat up too. Just like after our first night together, her eyes were puffy from crying. Maybe our bond was doomed the same way my bond with Gaia had been.
“Good morning,” she said, tugging a strand of hair behind her ear and straightening her bangs. “I didn’t hear you come to bed.”
“It was late. Simona wouldn’t fall asleep.”
Giulia bit her lip. “Sybil’s going to be here today, right?”
I nodded. “You don’t have to worry. You won’t have to be alone with my children yet. Sybil will show you how to take care of them until you know what to do. But Sybil’s main job is to clean and cook.”
“Okay,” she said softly.
“I’m going to get ready. Your bodyguards are coming over at seven so I can introduce you before I leave for work.”
“Are they your late wife’s bodyguards?”
Fury burned in my chest. “No.” Which was mostly the truth.
Giulia got out of bed, but her eyes were on me. “When will you be home tonight?”
“I don’t know.” I headed into the bathroom and closed the door. The hot shower did nothing to dissipate the heavy sense of exhaustion.
While Giulia got ready, I dressed in my usual three-piece suit before I headed to Daniele’s room. As expected, he wasn’t inside. I found him on Gaia’s bed, still in his PJs, staring down at his tablet. “Daniele, you know you aren’t supposed to be in here.”
He didn’t react, except for rounding in his small shoulders and jutting out his chin. I went over to him and picked him up. He squirmed in my hold, but I didn’t set him down.
“It’s enough,” I snapped. My patience was running thin after last night.
He only struggled harder. My chest tightened in a mix of despair and frustration. “Daniele, stop it now!”
He froze and so did Giulia, who was watching from her spot in the doorway to our bedroom.
Simona began wailing in her room. Seconds later, the dog began barking up a storm downstairs. I stopped and for a moment, sure I’d lose it. Swallowing hard, I went over to Giulia and set Daniele down in front of her.
“Get him dressed and don’t allow him to spend all day on the tablet. I’ll take care of Simona.” I didn’t wait for her reply.
Turning my back on her and my son’s accusing little face, I headed to my daughter. Once in her room, I rested my forehead against the cool door for a couple of heartbeats before finally I felt in a state of mind to console my little girl.
I stood frozen, staring down at the little boy. What had just happened? Daniele had struggled against Cassio’s grip as if he was terrified of him. And for a moment, Cassio had appeared as if he was on the verge of losing control.
Loulou kept barking downstairs, but Simona quieted eventually, probably because Cassio had taken her out of her crib. Remembering last night’s mess, I squared my shoulders and squatted before the little boy.
“Hello, Daniele. I’m Giulia.”
Daniele looked at me with miserable milk-chocolate-brown eyes. His caramel-blond hair was a tousled mess and even looked knotted in places, as if it hadn’t been combed properly in a long time.
“How about we get you ready for the day?”
He didn’t react, only stared. My stomach tightened. This kid was hurting. His mother had died only a few months ago, and his dad was obviously overwhelmed by the situation. I didn’t know what had happened, didn’t know the extent of Daniele’s trauma, but it was obvious that he needed help. He looked thin too.
I straightened and held out my hand. “Will you show me to your room?”
Nothing. He looked down at the tablet clutched in his hand and turned it on. A sort of game with colorful balloons popped up. I didn’t want to forcefully carry him into his room like Cassio might have done. That wouldn’t help me getting the boy’s trust.
“Daniele, please, help me? I’m new here and I need you to show me your room. Will you help me?” I waited with extended hand.