Today, though, may change history.
“I’m your brother,” he says. “You can trust me.”
“I know that.”
We stare at each other, the stand-off continuing. He doesn’t back down. He won’t.
I finally acquiesce, mostly because I’m too tired of fighting tonight. I’ve fought myself for hours.
I blow out a breath and look at the ceiling. “Something happened, and that’s it. It’s over. It's not happening again.”
“Was it bad?”
I settle my gaze on him again. “No.”
“Then … why not?”
“Because it’s fucking Haley, that’s why.”
“I thought we just established that you fucked Haley.”
It’s a joke. I get it. But the thought of him dismissing it like that—you fucked Haley—incenses me.
My blood boils, my fingers itching to crank a wrench or hit a bag or do something to rid my body of the anger building inside it.
It’s true, though. I did just fuck her. And that’s what it’ll be construed as to everyone.
To her.
Not that I give a shit about what anyone else in town thinks, but I do care about how she internalizes this. We can’t be together again—for her own good—but then she will naturally think I just used her. A one-and-done. A one-night stand.
That she’s just like the rest of the women who I’ve been with. But she deserves so much more than that. She deserves the world.
I close my eyes and try to center myself before I spin completely in a circle.
“Okay …” Garret says.
“Fine. You want to know what’s going on?” I say, the words roaring out of my mouth. “I did—I fucked her. Okay? I broke my own rules when it comes to her because I’m fucking weak. Because I’m a hedonist—I don’t know. But I did it, and now I have to deal with the fallout.”
He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“Are ya happy now?” I ask, my voice echoing through the shop.
“No.”
“Dammit, Garret,” I mutter and turn away.
“I don’t get it. You were with the girl who you obviously care a lot about—”
“Don’t put that on me.” I look at him over my shoulder. “Don’t even go there.”
“Go where?” He throws his hands up in the air. “You like her, do you not? Because if you stand there and tell me I’ve fabricated this entire thing myself, I’m going to call you what you are—a liar.”
Steam rises from my head as I face him again. I don’t know what to say to him. He’s not wrong. But if I can put a damper on it from the start—nip it in the bud—then maybe it’ll make things easier going forward.
But I don’t know how to do that.
“Gray, listen, man—I know this is, like, not what you usually do. I get it. But this is not a bad thing.”
“Oh, okay,” I snarl. “Do you think that she—Haley Morgan, Miss Sunshine—is going to be my little fuck buddy? Do you think she will buy into—that she should buy into—some fucked-up friends-with-benefits thing with me of all people? Come on, Garret.”
“No. I don’t think she should because I think the two of you should try being together, actually.”
I scoff.
He’s undeterred. He’s delusional.
“But if she wants to be friends with benefits, then, yeah. Why not?” He holds his hands at his sides. “Women do that these days, you know. Sometimes they choose that, and they’re allowed to. It’s a cool new thing.”
I glare at him. “Haley isn’t a friends-with-benefits girl.”
“And you know that because you’ve asked her? Awesome. I didn’t know that.”
“I’m not asking her that. I’m not …” I press a swallow down my throat. “I’m not doing that.”
“Oh, okay. So you’re just going to fuck her once and then be a dick to her? Because that’s not cool, Grayson.”
I run my hand over my head.
He’s not wrong. And that’s why I never deserved to touch her, to taste her, to know what she sounds like when she comes.
I. Don’t. Deserve. That.
He gives me a second to get myself together—going as far as to take a step back to give me some room. I’m not sure if it was intentional or not, but I appreciate it. A lot.
My brain is filled with so many thoughts that I feel like they’re going to spill out over the shop floor. My skull aches with the intensity. So, I do the only thing I can do: trust my brother.
My breath rattles as I pull it into my lungs.
“You’re right,” I tell him, the words wobbling and uncertain. “I like her.”
He nods.
“But, Garret …” I sigh. “I’m no good for her.”
“How do you mean? Have you killed a goat lately? Married someone I don’t know about? Worn Crocs?” He grins. “You’re the best guy I know. How are you no good for her?”
His words hit me in the chest. I pause, allowing them to settle over me.
“This could be a nice thing. A great thing, even,” he says. “Give it a chance.”
“You realize I’m ten years older than her, right?” I ask, my voice without the edge from before. “She should be out tearing it up, having fun. Making mistakes. With a guy who she can take her time with and grow old together. That’s what she wants. She wants that life, and I’m not … I’m not good for that.”
He laughs a loud, full-bellied laugh. “You’re not eighty!”
“No, but there’s a big difference in thirty-one and twenty-one.”
“Um, no. Not really.” He leans against the computer table. “Besides, she’s not asking you to marry her. She’s not asking you for jack shit, I don’t think. She just likes you, and you’re telling her you’re unlikeable.” He raises a brow. “I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. You’re going to play that card, and she’s going to call bullshit. Then, naturally, she’s going to look for the real truth, and she’ll think it’s her.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’ll think that you must be covering for the fact that she’s not good enough for you.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
He shrugs. “I agree. But that’s what’s going to happen. Mark my words. And, because you like her, care about her feelings, I can’t imagine that you’d want her thinking that about herself.”
I clench my jaw.
“She’s an amazing girl, Gray. Don’t smother that sunshine you spoke of.” He lifts a brow as if he just defeated me. “Now I’m going to go home and get some rest so I can be here early in the morning. I’d recommend the same to you.”
I point at him in some gesture of a goodbye and turn back to the tractor. The door closes soon after.
I’m too worked up to stand still, too bothered to think about the piece of equipment in front of me.
I pull over a bucket and flip it over. I plop down on top of it.
My head rests in my hands as I mull over my options.
Could this be a great thing?