When I don’t respond, Remy pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and slides it across the table. “Go ahead, man. Give her a call.”
“Are you sure you want me to call her, like, now?” I question. “I mean, she’s probably sleeping, right?”
“She’s awake.” He shakes his head. “She just finished up a late presentation for work. Got a text from her about ten minutes ago.”
Shit.
“Uh oh…looks like someone’s scared to call his future sister-in-law to let her know he’s the reason Rem got molested by a gang wearing G-strings and body glitter,” Ty teases, and I reach across the booth to smack him upside the head, but he dodges it on a laugh.
“I’m not scared.” I’m definitely scared.
I’m a people person through and through, but when it comes to pissing off women, I’m more of a lover not a fighter. I like to charm them. Wine and dine them. But I certainly don’t like to be the bearer of bad news. Hell, it’s probably one of the reasons why I rarely find myself in long-term relationships. I don’t want to be the reason for someone’s broken heart. I’d rather get the fuck out before feelings are caught than wait around for the likely implosion.
“You’re scared,” Ty teases some more.
Flynn just shakes his head, taking a sip from his Mountain Dew.
Remy continues to stare at me.
And I stare at the phone.
Okay. Just call her. Just call Char and let her know about the, uh, mishap. Yeah, the boxer mishap…
On a deep breath, I man the fuck up, grab Rem’s phone, and pull up Char’s number. One tap to the screen and it starts to ring.
Be sleeping. Be sleeping. Be sleeping…
“Hello?”
Son of a bitch.
“Hey, Char,” I greet. “It’s Jude.”
“Jude?” she questions, confusion apparent in her tone, followed almost immediately by panic. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine, but—”
“Oh my God! Do not tell me you guys are in jail or something,” she demands, and her voice rises in pitch. “I swear on everything, I will be so pissed if you got my fiancé arrested!”
Okay. Okay. I can work with this. She thinks he might be arrested, and I have great news that he’s not. This is good…
“Char, no one has been arrested,” I say, and a huge breath of relief is exhaled into the receiver.
“No one has been arrested?” she repeats just to be sure. “You swear to me?”
“I swear,” I answer honestly. “Everyone is perfectly fine. Currently sitting inside Taco Bell enjoying a little fourth meal.”
“You guys are spending Rem’s bachelor party at Taco Bell?” she asks on a shocked laugh.
“It’s just a quick pit stop,” I answer, even though, after this, I haven’t a fucking clue what we’re going to do. I’d estimated a good four hours to spend at the strip club.
You know, like any normal bachelor would want.
I should have known, though. My big brother isn’t normal.
“Oh, okay… Jude, hold on real quick, okay?”
“Sure thing.”
The muffled sounds of voices echo inside the receiver, and if I had to guess, even though Remy said her presentation itself was over, Charlotte is still in the middle of something work-related. I wince. That is not going to make what I have to say go over any better. No one wants to get stressful news in the middle of work shit.
“Sorry about that,” she says a moment or two later. “So, were you just calling to check in with me or…?”
“Mostly,” I answer, but Rem narrows his eyes. I don’t think he can hear his fiancée’s end of the conversation through the phone, but his message is clear. Tell her the fucking news or die. “And, well, I just wanted to let you know there was a little mishap with Rem’s underwear…”
“Huh?” she questions, understandably bewildered.
“See, the thing is, it’s actually a pretty funny story…” I pause, searching for the right words, of which, in this case, of course, there are none. So, instead of beating around the bush, I just get right to the point. All in the name of Remy lightening the fuck up and enjoying the rest of his big bachelor party night.
“A funny story?” Char questions. “What are you talking about, Jude?”
After a final deep breath, I stare down the barrel of the gun and let my response come out in a rush. “So, we were at a strip club, and, well, the strippers, they got a little crazy and did this whole dance thing, and one might have, kind of, sort of, torn Rem’s boxers with her shoe, and so, yeah, his underwear are kind of destroyed, but he’s good. No injuries at all. Not even a scratch.”
Quick and to the point. Perfect.
“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Char questions, and her voice turns all squeaky and high-pitched. Kind of like when you’re a kid and your mom gets real ticked off at you.
Abort! Abort!
“Huh?”
“Jude, what the fuck are you talking about?”
Fucking hell…
I sit there in silence for a good ten seconds with Remy staring laser beams into my skull and Ty silently laughing his ass off.
I mean, this story sounds like the most ridiculous tale that’s ever been told.
I didn’t realize that until it was coming out of my mouth.
But now that I’ve heard it out loud, it doesn’t even sound real.
Especially when you’re explaining it to your brother’s future wife.
So, I do what any man in my situation would do…
I fake connection issues.
“Char? You still there?” I question, even though I can clearly hear her voice on the other end of the line.
“Jude! I know you can hear me!”
“Hello? Hello? I can’t seem to hear anything you’re saying, Char. It’s the damnedest…thing… Hello…? Are…there…Charlotte… Can’t…hear…”
And then I hit end on the call.
“Bad connection,” I say and slide the phone back to Remy.
He scowls.
“You know that we don’t need cell service to hear what you’re saying when we’re sitting right next to you, don’t you?” Flynn asks, the astute fucker.
“You know how it is inside Taco Bells, man.” I shrug, playing it off despite being completely and utterly exposed in my lies. I have a motto when it comes to shit like this, and it’s never say die. I don’t care how much evidence someone has against me. I am of a greater resolve, and I will outlast them. “Never very good service. Must have something to do with all the grills and stuff like that.”
“You spend that much time in Taco Bells that you know they have bad cell service?” Ty asks, thankfully lost enough to semi-bolster my point.
I just shrug again and sink my concentration into leveling my pile of food. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.
But with Ty laughing his ass off now and Rem tossing eye daggers toward my head, other than the trays of half-eaten fast food, there’re not a lot of other things around me to focus on.
Rem’s phone vibrates from the table, and I don’t miss the fact that it’s a text notification from Char.