I didn't reply for a few minutes, and he placed his hand on my leg as he drove, silently reminding me that he was there for me, physically and emotionally.
"I'm scared," I whispered eventually, "that I'll lose my best friend. Zed's my safe place. He's the only person who has always had my back, no matter what. Even Demi questioned me when I came to her with the evidence of what my father was doing with the Lockharts, and Seph... well, Seph doesn't know any of it. But Zed never questioned me. Never made me second-guess myself. Never made me feel alone in my fight. He's my best friend, and I can't—" My voice cracked, and I drew a shaky breath. "I can't lose that. I'm terrified that without Zed, I'll lose myself. Even in my darkest days, he held onto my sanity—my humanity—for me, safeguarding it until I'd done what needed doing, then put it back where it belonged. What the fuck would I be today without him?"
Lucas didn't respond immediately, instead taking the time to really think about what I'd just confessed. He gave my opinion, my feelings, the respect of really listening to them and considering them before he formulated a thoughtful response.
"Why would that ever change?" he finally asked.
I blinked at him in confusion, my lips parting. "Because..." I had no quick reply. Why would that change? Because that's what happened when friends fucked. Everything changed.
"I'm only saying, Zed's already in love with you. He's probably been in love with you this whole time. And you with him. Finally admitting those feelings, finally accepting them... that's not going to change things. Not in the way you're afraid of, I don't think." Lucas drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he drove, his eyes on the road ahead. "In fact, I'd bet it would only strengthen what you've got. If you're worried he only wants to hit it and quit it, you're so, so wrong."
I spluttered a sound of shock at that statement, and Lucas shot me a wolfish grin.
"What?" he teased. "I know, first-hand, there's no man alive that would only want one night with you."
I gave a short laugh, shaking my head. "You're only saying that because you're madly in love with me." I was teasing, trying to lighten the intense mood in the car, but Lucas's gaze was dead serious when he turned his face to meet my eyes.
"Hell yeah, I am," he murmured. Then he licked his lips, and my nipples hardened. Shit's sake. "Anyway, just my perspective."
We drove in silence for a while, and his words rolled over and over in my mind, making me experience a whole rollercoaster of emotions. Eventually, I sighed and rubbed my eyes.
"You'd probably make a good psychologist one day," I told him. "You've got an impressive way of opening my—"
"Legs?" he guessed, grinning wide and shooting me a wink.
I rolled my eyes. "I was going to say my mind. But yeah, that too."
"It'd be an interesting area to study, for sure," he agreed. "I never really had a career plan before."
I smiled. "Well, you're almost finished with senior year... Do you want to go to SGU? I can get you enrolled."
Lucas arched a brow at me and gave a short laugh. "Nice subject change, babe. Subtle. So, so smooth."
We'd reached Zed's front gate and paused briefly to wait for the gates to open before continuing up to the house. Surely the guys’d had enough time to set up our little surprise for Lucas because I'd already kept him away several hours longer than planned. I sent a quick text to Zed letting him know we were back, just in case.
"Why do you look so mischievous?" Lucas asked suspiciously as we got out of the car.
"Hmm?" I batted my lashes up at him. "I'm not."
He clearly didn't believe me but didn't push the issue as we headed into the house. When we got to the courtyard, I pushed the doors open with dramatic flair.
"Happy Birthday!" I announced with a wide smile. The courtyard was all decorated as I'd instructed Cass and Zed with balloons everywhere and a huge cake from Nadia's on the table. No one else yelled happy birthday with me, though, and I glared death at Zed and Cass, who sat on the lounge with drinks in hand and unamused expressions on their faces.
"Seriously?" I glowered. "That's all the enthusiasm you could muster up?"
Zed and Cass exchanged a look, then Zed sighed. He sat forward and snagged a pair of pointed party hats from the table and placed one on Cass's head and one on his own. Meanwhile, Cass pulled a party blower from the seat beside him and gave it a loud honk as the sparkly streamer unfurled. All the while maintaining a dead straight face.
I glared at him, then shifted my attention to Zed, who was now waving a little flag that read "Happy tenth birthday" with colorful gumdrops all over it.
"You suck."
An amused smile cracked his straight face. "You love it."
With a groan, I spun around to face Lucas and looped my arms around his neck. "They both suck. Happy late birthday, Lucas."
The grin on his face damn near lit up the night sky, and he kissed me hard. "This is incredible. You guys are amazing. I've never had a birthday party before."
Cass honked his blower again, the streamer smacking Zed in the cheek. "Well, you're in luck then. Red even sorted out presents." He held the blower between his teeth as he spoke, and it was ridiculously attractive. Actually ridiculous, with his party hat still on.
Lucas wrapped his arms around me, tucked his face into my neck, and kissed my skin. "Thank you, Hayden. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. No one can ever say otherwise."
I knew he was thinking about his mom, and it tightened my chest. But I couldn't even feel bad. I loved that he thought that about me. I loved Lucas. And I'd go to the ends of the earth to make him smile like that every damn day.
10
Sitting around the courtyard fire eating birthday cake and drinking Scotch, I could almost convince myself we were just normal people. Normal polyamorous people, not killers, gang leaders, teenaged strippers or ghosts.
"Okay," Cass announced after some time, placing his empty cake plate down on the table. He grimaced as he stood up. "Let's get this shit done before I'm too wasted to see straight lines."
He pulled a joint from his sling as he said that, bringing it to his lips, then indicated for Zed to toss him a lighter.
Lucas gave me a confused look. "Get what shit done?"
I just grinned back at him. "Your present from Cass. He has to leave tomorrow, so we figured tonight was perfect timing."
"C'mon, sport," Cass drawled, indicating with his head. "Time to sort out that scarring." He didn't wait to check if Lucas was following, just swaggered his sexy frame inside the house, and I gave Lucas a jab in the ribs to tell him to go.
Lucas still looked confused as hell, but he trusted us enough—or maybe he was just drunk enough—to follow Cass inside without asking any more questions.
All of a sudden that left Zed and I alone, and the sexual tension, which had started at a pleasant, warm thirty, ramped straight up to one hundred in a matter of seconds. He met my gaze over the fire, and my mouth went as dry as the fucking Sahara. Lucas's wise words were still echoing through my head, but... it was one thing to know a fact. It was a whole other thing to accept it and act on it.