I lifted my fork, dunking it into the peanut butter frosting, and I reached across the table, wiping it on the tip of her nose.
“Ashe!” She laughed.
That was the only sound I ever wanted to hear.
“Let’s get out of here. Are you ready?”
She scraped it off with her finger and stuck the sugary bite into her mouth. “Yes.”
Sixteen
Before
Pearl
The last time I had been at Ashe’s apartment, I’d noticed hints of details. A sports-related something on the wall and a worn couch that was extremely comfy. Now, as I entered again, I made sure to memorize each piece that made up his home. The wall art, I learned, were signed jerseys that were framed, same with the helmets that were in glass boxes above the TV. The couch was navy and corduroy, pillows in the corners, dented from where heads had been lying.
He took me into the kitchen, dropping off the leftover cake, and I noticed the dishes in the sink and the open silverware drawer. The pantry door was ajar, the shelves full of bagged chips and boxes of macaroni and cheese. There was a basket of dirty clothes on the side of the living room and a pizza box sitting on top of the trash bin.
And all of it looked so perfect to me.
“Are you hungry?”
I laughed, pushing my back against the counter. “You’re kidding, right?” I played with the container of cake, the movement sending me a whiff of the sweetness inside. “I don’t think I’ll be hungry for days.”
He grabbed a glass from the cupboard next to me and brushed his fingers across my chin—a quiet, subtle move but one that sent goose bumps down my back. Then, he filled the glass with water, offering me some, which I declined, before he took a long drink.
How do you have this effect on me so quickly?
Why is it so hard to breathe when your eyes are on me?
Questions filled my brain.
So did his kindness, gentleness, sincerity—all unlike anything I’d ever felt. They were qualities that came so natural to him, like he wasn’t trying at all—this was just who he was.
“Are you ready for a nap?” When I nodded, he added, “You know the way,” and he pointed at his door but didn’t move. “I’ll take the couch.”
I briefly remembered his big, wonderful bed that had lots of pillows, unlike mine at home. “No, Ashe …” I tried to breathe again and couldn’t as I said, “I want you to join me.”
“You’re sure about that?” He stood close, his hand coming to my face again, holding me steady.
I wondered if he could feel me trembling, if he could hear my heart pounding, if he could smell the sweat that was starting to bead over my skin.
Once he received my answer, his fingers found mine, and he led me to his bed. As I sat on his cozy mattress, it took me a moment to realize I hadn’t voiced that answer. He had just seen it in me and known.
I’d watched that happen in movies. I’d read about it in books. I’d acted it out onstage.
But it was never something I had experienced, and I’d never thought I would.
Yet here was a glimpse.
And I wanted more.
I took off my shoes and jacket, and I rested my head on the pillow. As Ashe crawled onto the other side, he pulled the blanket over us.
“Wow, this is comfy,” I groaned, every part of me sinking into fluff.
I sensed his eyes on me as I wiggled, testing to see if each spot felt the same. It did, and it was heavenly. I wasn’t sure I’d ever want to leave.
“You’re adorable.”
I turned to my side to look at him, tucking the pillow under my cheek.
“That smile …” He held the other part of my face, his thumb tracing my bottom lip. “It’s beautiful to see.” His fingers stayed there for a moment more, and then he reached for his nightstand. “What time should I set the alarm for?”
I did some quick math in my head and responded, and he turned toward me again.
“What are you up to tonight?”
His handsomeness pressed into the pillow in almost the same position as me. “I have a paper due in the morning, so that’s my fun for the night. I wish I could come watch you, but I know the tickets are sold out.”
“How do you know that?”
I felt his stare turn even deeper, followed by a grin that I couldn’t get enough of.
“Because I tried to buy one.”
“But you’ve already seen the play.”
“I wanted to watch you again.” He paused, and my throat tightened. “One time wasn’t enough.”
I shook my head over the pillow, staring into his baby-blue eyes, emotion rippling in my chest. This was the start of something powerful—I could feel it in my bones. “What if I could get you a ticket?”
“I would be there in a second.”
Last time, I hadn’t known he was in the audience.
This time would be entirely different, and I wondered if I’d be able to feel him in the air.
“But you have a paper to write—”
His fingers strengthened on my face. “I’d drop you off at the auditorium, come back, get a good dent in it, and finish it before class if I have to.”
“You’re sure? I feel like a giant contradiction right now because I’m doing what I made you promise not to do.”
“Please get me a ticket, Pearl.” His eyes intensified. “I want nothing more than to see you perform again.”
I waited for my throat to open, the air not moving as freely anymore, and I replied, “They always reserve a few extra seats for the cast’s families. I’ll leave the ticket at Will Call, just give them your name.”
“I’m really looking forward to it. And …” He swiped across my top lip with the pad of his finger. A slow, steady move that made me feel the warmth of his skin. “If Gran can’t be there, then at least I will be.”
His words hit me hard.
I swallowed each one, feeling them in my chest before they simmered through the rest of my body.
He stretched up to my hairline, his palm now on my cheek, his eyes pulling me so close that I felt as though I were on top of him.
“Ashe …”
Inches only separated our lips, but I swore I could taste them.
“I’m doing everything I can to keep my distance, and I’m failing.”
So sensitive, so concerned with what I needed.
But if he was reading me—and I knew he was—then he would know that wasn’t what I wanted in this moment.
Maybe, in this instance, he needed my voice to tell him.
“I don’t want distance. I want your closeness.”
His thumb paused in the center of my lips, and his eyes dipped, staring at them. Heat from his body filtered directly into mine.
“Once I kiss you, Pearl … I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.”
Seventeen
Before
Ashe
“Ashe … kiss me,” Pearl whispered from the pillow next to mine.
I knew she wasn’t fragile and that my lips wouldn’t be the first to press against hers. But even though the desire to rip off her clothes and give her an orgasm was pulsing through me, I wanted to take my time. Pearl deserved to be savored, to receive equal attention to each of her curves, for my mouth to make her feel as good as my body could.