I was shocked by his observation. But that only lasted a moment before I came to the realization that he saw things most people didn’t, and I shouldn’t have been surprised at all.
“To be honest, I just want to run right now.”
“Why?”
I held the air in my diaphragm, hoping that would stop my heart from beating so fast. “Because I’m not normally in situations where I have to answer questions like this. Aside from Erin, the bartender at work, I don’t talk to many people.” I focused on the swirls in the pie crust, his eyes just too much for me. “Ashe, I run to class, usually late from taking care of Gran in the morning. I run to study groups, always behind from speaking to my professors after class. I run to theater practice and then to work, consistently late and needing every tip I can get because I support us. I then run home to check on Gran, and I study all night. I wake up and do it all over again.”
“You’re remarkable.”
“No.” I shook my head. My intentions had not been to goad him into a compliment I certainly didn’t deserve. I just wanted him to understand, although I wasn’t sure why. “I’m just like anyone else who’s trying to survive in this world with a lot of responsibilities on my shoulders.”
“You’re nothing like them, Pearl. You have more on your plate than any student I know, and look at everything you’ve managed to accomplish. Most would be drowning, but you’re thriving.”
When I looked at him, there wasn’t pity in his eyes. Instead, there was the same expression as when he’d met me at the bottom of the stairs behind the theater. “Thank you … I …” I held his stare, the emotions bubbling in my chest. “I can’t believe I just told you all that.”
“I’m happy you did.” He wrapped his hands around his mug. “Plus, it sounded like you needed to get that out.”
I didn’t discuss these things with anyone. I didn’t write them down. I just released them while I was onstage, but I knew that wasn’t enough. “You’re probably right.”
“I know I’m nothing more than a stranger, but I want you to know, you can talk to me. Whatever you need, I’m here.”
I searched his eyes. “Why am I getting your attention?”
“I like you,” he said without hesitation. “There’s something about you that I can’t seem to get enough of.” He traced the edge of the pie with his spoon. “I attended your play just so I could hear more of your voice and see what you looked like when you were in your element.” He paused, and I felt something move into my throat. “I get the feeling you didn’t want to tell me about Roxbury and that you weren’t raised in a privileged life, like the majority of the kids at our school. The more you get to know me—and I hope you will—you’ll learn that I don’t give a shit about where you live or how much you have. I only care about what’s in that chest of yours—and I’m talking about your heart, nothing else. You’re one of the most intriguing and fascinating people I’ve ever met, Pearl. I’ll keep attending plays if I have to. I just don’t want this to be the last time I see you.”
I smiled.
I couldn’t help it.
Beneath this gorgeous man was someone so kind and genuine.
And that terrified me the most because those were traits I didn’t see often, and they were ones I didn’t want to let go of even though I had to.
“I can tell you’re fighting something right now. Be honest with me—what is it?”
His ability to read me always came in fast and hard, taking ahold of my heart and shaking it.
“You’re asking for something that I’ve never given to anyone.”
“More of you, you mean?”
I nodded and brought the coffee up to my mouth, swallowing the warm liquid, hoping it would calm me. “I don’t want to portray that I’m completely innocent because I’m not. There have been guys; I just don’t let anything last. I know you’re going to ask why …” I glanced down, the boxes now close enough that they were rubbing against my skin. “Before I came to live with Gran, I was with Vanessa. That’s my mother.” The boxes were threatening to open; I didn’t want that, especially not tonight. “I saw what she went through with men.” I tried inhaling, and it was becoming so hard. “I won’t let that happen to me. I just want to get Gran out of Roxbury and into a nice place in either LA or New York and create a new life for us.”
He reached across the table, his hand surrounding mine. He held me with a strength that didn’t hurt, but one that made me stare into his eyes. “I’m nothing like them.” His thumb circled around and locked between two of my fingers. “I don’t want to distract you from your goals. I want to encourage you to reach them.”
I felt the tightness move into my throat as I whispered, “That’s what scares me the most.”
Eleven
Before
Ashe
I hadn’t thought it was possible to find a woman as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.
But that was Pearl.
Purging her fears over six slices of pie.
As I took in each layer she’d revealed to me, I was inspired to show her more—more flavors for her to taste and more restaurants for her to sample different cuisines, finding new foods to fall in love with. And the whole time, in the back of my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about the restrictions she had set.
There was only one way to get past them.
“I want to meet her,” I said.
She’d been staring at her coffee, her hand gripping the mug with my fingers on top of hers—a grip I had no intention of releasing.
She finally looked up. “Who?”
“Your grandmother.”
She shook her head. “I’m extremely protective of her.”
“You think I’d hurt her?”
“No, Ashe.” She turned silent for a moment. “I just don’t let anyone have access to her.”
I rubbed my thumb over the tops of her knuckles. “Maybe that will change the more you learn to trust me.”
Within a few seconds, she was pulling her hand away, lifting the spoon to finish the rest of the peanut butter slice. “You seem pretty confident you’re going to break through my boundaries.”
“I just know who I am, Pearl. I know what I can offer you. And I know you don’t believe this yet, but I’m not like all the others.”
“You’re right; I don’t believe it because no man—especially one as good-looking as you—is trustworthy.”
I laughed.
Her stare started at my forehead, gradually lowering to my chin. “You’re a lethal combination. If I were smart, I’d push myself out of this booth and flee for the door.”
This time, I gripped her wrist, a part that felt so delicate as I rubbed the inside. “You never have to run when you’re with me.”
As she gazed down, she rested the spoon on the edge of the plate. “Thank you for coming tonight. Gran is the only person in my life who has ever shown up to anything … aside from you.”