“I wondered if you’d answer. You must never keep your phone with you.”
Which was Mom’s passive-aggressive way of letting her know that she suspected Amanda had been ignoring her calls, but Amanda refused to let her bait her today.
Mom rambled on. “Anyway, the house down the street went on the market this morning. Huge backyard and one of those big swing sets with a slide and a fort. You know we have the best school district here. I already called the agent, so I can go see it this morning at ten. I’ll video-call you.”
“Why would I do that? I just moved.”
“But this is better. You’d be here with family. We’ve talked about this.”
“Mom, thank you, but no. I’m not coming back to Ohio. My life is here now. Jack and I want to raise the kids in North Carolina.”
“But Jack isn’t there.”
She pulled her hand to her heart. “Yes. I’m fully aware. Every day I’m reminded of it. But I have to do this on my own. Why can’t you have faith in me? I need to do this. It’s important to me.”
“Well, those kids need more than just you. We’re their grandparents.”
“I know, Mom. I totally agree. Come visit. Y’all can sleep in Hailey’s room. She sleeps in Jesse’s most of the time anyway. The beach is great. You can see for yourself we’re doing fine.”
“You know your father won’t leave. He’s got all those things going on.”
Amanda sucked in a breath. All those things? Like what? Mom had a million excuses why they wouldn’t come down to visit. Amanda was tired of begging them.
“You shouldn’t let this house get away. It’s perfect. Homes in this neighborhood don’t go on the market often. Somebody has to die to get one.”
“Somebody died?” Good grief, that’s all she needed—to live with someone else’s ghost.
“No, it’s a saying. Look, if you’re worried about the money, we can help you. The cost of living is cheaper here. It would be so much easier for you. Please—”
“Thank you. I know you mean well, but I’m where I need to be.”
Her mother let out an exhausted sigh. “Well, then I suppose I must call and cancel that appointment. I don’t know why you can’t at least try. We worry about you. You’re our daughter. This is hard on everyone.”
“I’m doing the very best I can. I start teaching in September. Everything is all set.”
“Well, that’s another thing. Here you could work part time, or not at all. You wouldn’t have to go back to teaching. You could live off the insurance until the kids are older.”
Teaching wasn’t what Amanda wanted to do. When she’d uprooted the family and moved here, the plan had been to start her online store selling herb-infused salts prepared at her house. She and Jack had set some money aside for the venture. She wished she’d done it sooner, while he was still around, but the kids were little and the timing never seemed right.
She’d paid a contractor to cordon off a space for the sole use of her business as soon as she’d closed on this place, only to then find out she couldn’t run the food business from her home with Denali on the property. That had been a devastating discovery and a huge waste of money. She’d thought Mom would console her, but instead it fueled the arguments to get her back to Ohio.
“I guess we shouldn’t complain since you’ll be using your college degree,” Mom said.
“Right.” Like she hadn’t heard about that a hundred times since she had Hailey. “Thanks, Mom. Kiss Daddy for me. I’ve got to go. Something’s on the stove.” She hated lying, but these calls left her feeling uncertain, and she wasn’t strong enough for that today. “I love you, Mom. Bye.”
No doubt things would be easier in Ohio, but her mom would put herself in the middle of everything, and finding a way to move on without Jack was something Amanda needed to do for herself.
She tossed her phone aside and made her bed, brushing the cover free of wrinkles.
Instead of keeping the masculine blue color scheme she and Jack had shared, she’d decorated this room in beachy tones of taupe and a sassy fruit-punch pink. Jack would never have agreed to the girlie combo, but it made her feel happier. Even if the moments were few and far between, they were coming more often now than they had.
“Good morning,” she said to the gerbera daisy on her nightstand. Its magenta petals brought joy every day. If you talk back, I will have a problem.
Next to the flower sat a conch shell. She’d bought it at a garage sale for a dime. That was the day she’d started house hunting for a home at the beach. Not just any beach. The beach where she and Jack had gotten married.
She picked up the shell and held it to her body. Since she first laid eyes on it, the shell made her feel powerful and able to come up with solutions that otherwise seemed impossible.
The weather was so hot that even at night the house didn’t cool off. She shook her hair from her face and stretched to the sky. She’d once read somewhere that stretching when you got up was a sign of being healthy. That was a good enough reason to give it a try.
Amanda’s feet stuck to the humid floor as she walked down the hall. She poked her head inside Jesse’s room. Even though the ceiling fan was on, both kids had kicked off their sheets. Hailey was still fast asleep, hugging the stuffed lop-eared bunny she’d gotten for Christmas two years ago. Jesse was wiggling—a sure sign he’d be up any minute.
She walked to the living room and sat on the couch, pulling her feet up underneath her for a few minutes of quiet. She closed her eyes and took in slow, deep breaths.
I’m thankful for the security the teaching job will bring.
I’m thankful for this humble house. It’s becoming a home, and we’re safe here.
The kids are stronger than I’ll ever be. I’m so lucky, and they keep me going.
And then that was it because Jesse came tearing down the hall, his bare feet slapping the floor. He jumped over poor Denali, who’d practically dug a hole while trying to scramble out of the way.
Have I ever finished a list? I’m grateful for so many more things.
“You’re awake!” Jesse struck a squatty sumo stance.
Amen.
He ran over and threw himself at her. “Love!”
“Good morning, my little man.” She hugged him tightly.
He smacked a wet kiss on her cheek. This was their special time each day. Hailey wasn’t an early bird, but Jesse greeted Amanda with enthusiastic smiles every single morning.