“Yeah, I’m really glad I can’t offer anything on the food end of things,” I said. “My self-control when it comes to good Southern cooking is seriously lacking.”
Gertie grinned. “And funnel cake.”
I groaned. My addiction to funnel cake was a well-known problem.
“Please tell me there’s not going to be a funnel cake booth,” I said. “There’s not enough hay bales in Sinful for me to work off what I would eat.”
“Your flat stomach is safe,” Ida Belle said. “At least for now.”
“Well, it’s good and dark outside, so let’s get this show on the road,” I said. “What’s on the agenda for tonight? I’m sorta confused about the scheduling since Halloween falls on a Friday this year.”
“It does work better when it falls on a Saturday,” Gertie agreed. “But the basic format is the same with just a little tweaking. The maze opens tonight instead of Saturday and will be open tomorrow night as well. Nothing on Sunday as we’d all go to hell. Then Monday resumes normal evening activities, minus the maze, and the big culmination is next Friday night on Halloween, when the maze will reopen as soon as it gets dark.”
Ida Belle nodded. “Mostly tonight is the maze and the food stands and people walking around in costume.”
“Where’s Walter?” I asked.
“He and Scooter are on maintenance duty,” Ida Belle said. “There’s a lot of extension cords over there. Tons of lights and generators, and there’s always a problem with something.”
“Is he wearing a costume?” I asked.
“Not in this lifetime,” Ida Belle said. “This is one of those rare occasions where I’m more whimsical than he is.”
“I wouldn’t call a pinfold dress ‘whimsical,’” Gertie said. “I’m surprised he didn’t file for divorce when he saw you in it.”
“He was afraid of the sledgehammer,” Ida Bell said.
We headed out to Ida Belle’s SUV and hopped inside.
“I assume Carter is doing foot patrol?” Gertie asked.
“Of course,” I said. “The whole department is out there, except dispatch. Carter made me promise not to find a dead person this year. A real one, anyway.”
Gertie shook her head. “He acts like you want to find dead bodies.”
“Weellll…” I said.
They both laughed.
“Okay, so maybe you don’t mind it all that much,” Gertie said. “But it’s not like you kill them personally or put them in your path. You just seem to be there when things happen.”
“I’m a death magnet,” I said. “It doesn’t sound nice, but I’m okay with it. Everyone has their special talent, right?”
Ida Belle grinned. “You should have I Find Dead People printed on T-shirts.”
We parked a couple blocks away and started walking. The streets near the park were closed for the event to make room for the food trailers and game booths. We could hear fun screams from the crowd before we arrived. The food booths were doing a steady business, which put money into next year’s festival and charity coffers, and everyone appeared to be having a good time.
I didn’t see a single dead person. Not a real one, anyway.
“Look at the Pennywise costume,” Gertie said. “They didn’t get that one off the rack.”
“No,” I agreed. “It’s definitely custom. And check out the zombie near the scarecrow. He has that limp perfected.”
Gertie nodded. “Could be an extra on The Walking Dead. That scarecrow is horrible, in a good way, I mean.”
“It would definitely keep birds out of the corn,” Ida Belle said. “It looks like people went all out this year. I’m glad everyone’s so invested. I was a little worried after that stuff last year.”
“I’m just glad I don’t have to be a mummy again,” Gertie said. “Do you have any idea how hot that costume was? And good Lord, it took an act of Congress to take a pee.”
“We know,” Ida Belle said. “We’re the ones who rewrapped you afterward, remember? I’m just glad I won’t be seeing your underwear this year. And do not take that as an opportunity to tell us about them.”
“There’s a good chance of seeing Celia’s,” Gertie said. “You know she’ll have on a Rose Kennedy dress and since she seems to have more trouble remaining upright than I do, it’s always on the itinerary.”
“Sinful should pass a law requiring Celia to wear shorts under everything,” I said. “Maybe you could talk to Marie about it. So what do you want to hit first?”
“Let’s grab a corn dog,” Gertie said. “I need some protein. All those cookies have made me slightly sick.”
“A corn dog is more carbs than protein,” Ida Belle said.
“Then I’ll get Frito pie to go with it,” Gertie said. “It’s got beef and cheese.”
Ida Belle sighed.
We headed for the corn dog booth and we all grabbed a dog. Carter, who was standing near the maze, spotted us and waved. We made our way over and he grinned when he took in Gertie’s costume.
“Taking a run at Celia, huh?” he asked.
“You know it,” Gertie said.
He gave her a high five.
“Anything going on tonight?” I asked.
“Nothing that isn’t on the agenda,” he said. “A few scuffles between high school students—we confiscated the beer—but nothing out of the ordinary. It’s been really quiet, but now that you’ve arrived…”
“I’m off the clock,” I said.
“You’ve been off the clock every time trouble started,” Carter said. “Didn’t stop it from landing in your lap.”
“Yeah, well, I’m a changed woman.”
“Since when?” he asked.
“Since tonight,” I said.
“Hey, we can hope, right?” he said.
“Come on, Carter,” Gertie said. “What are the odds of someone turning up murdered at the Halloween festival two years in a row?”
We all stared.
“Never mind,” Gertie said. “This corn dog didn’t do it. Let’s go hit the candied apples. Fruit is good for you, right?”
Carter was still laughing as we headed off. We acquired our candy apples and were considering a ring-toss game when Celia spotted us. As expected, she had on a hideous dress and hat and was wearing a cross larger than a vampire hunter’s.
“Are you going to pray with that thing?” Gertie asked, pointing to the cross. “Or have a sword fight?”
“I would expect crude comments about religious icons from you,” Celia said. “The way you are dressed is wholly inappropriate and I’ll be filing a complaint with the city.”
“A complaint about what?” Gertie asked.
“Religious discrimination,” Celia said.
“This is the opposite of discrimination,” Gertie said. “This is inclusion. Nuns can be evil, too.”
“Nicely played,” I said.
“You are not going to mock the most devout of my religion and get away with it,” Celia said.