Saul opened the door and stepped inside, closing the door behind him.
The soft snick of the lock made bumps rise on her skin. She pulled the towel tighter around her naked body. Wiped the fresh tears from her cheeks.
“Why are you here?”
“I’m here for you,” he said, his voice soft, but void of any demands. Just an offering.
“I’m not your shuarra. I can’t be. I already have a mate.”
He tipped his head, acknowledging her statement respectfully. No argument. No pushing.
Except she wanted him to argue, to push, to touch her. She wanted desperately for him to hold her so she could cry. If only to release the tension and confusion over the situation she’d found herself trapped inside. But it wouldn’t be fair to him. She glowed for him too. He saw her as his shuarra, even if he was respecting her choice to reject the mate call.
Her choice to reject him.
And she couldn’t accept it. Tallix still lived in her mind. He was right there. So close she could touch him. Smell him. Hear his voice and feel the way he used to caress her cheek.
More tears trailed down her cheeks, both burning fresh trails of torment and pain.
“Why can’t I remember anything?” She turned to face Saul instead of meeting his gaze through the reflection in the mirror. “I can remember bits and pieces of yesterday, but not the whole day. The times with you in it. But then today I have been getting these flashes of other memories that don’t make sense. It’s just moments in time. No alignment. No order.”
“I would touch you, Lorelei.” Saul took a step forward, waiting for her permission.
But she couldn’t give it. It was wrong. She had a mate. Her heart belonged to Tallix. More tears poured down her cheeks. Conflict speared pain through her chest. “I want…” She shook her head. “No.”
Saul’s face remained stoic. He didn’t let her see all the pain he felt at her rejection, but she caught a quick glimpse of it veiled in his jewel-blue eyes.
So different than her Tallix. Her mate’s eyes were a deep honey-brown. Saul’s were blue like the sky of this world. Clear and pure and shining with so much intensity.
Sobs rocked her chest. She tried to hold them back, but that made it worse.
“What can I do to help you?” He asked, his voice level and calm and soothing to her shattered soul.
She stared at him for what seemed like eons before gathering enough of herself together to speak again.
“Stay with me. Please.”
“Always,” he answered without hesitation.
His answer made the tears fall faster. The sobs bigger. She knew what the soul call was doing to him from the inside out. She could feel it too.
The pull.
The desire.
The comfort.
He relaxed his body against the closed door.
She turned back to the mirror and looked down at the stack of clothes folding neatly in front of her. There were some strange containers of things next to a bright pink hair brush.
Lorelei could read everything on the containers. Hair cream. De-tangler. Curly hair conditioner.
The dragon female had hair similar to Lorelei’s with many thick curls. At least the dragon female’s hair was what Lorelei remembered hers looking like at one time.
“My hair,” she said, not knowing what to say. “I need something.” She ran her finger through her wet snarled mess. Her fingertips moved an inch or so before being stopped by knots.
“I can get one of the females if you’d prefer?”
She shook her head and sat down on the little stool in front of the counter. She opened the small jar that was labeled de-tangler. That sounded the most promising.
“How can I read this? Speak the language I’m speaking?” She met Saul’s gaze again and worked some of the white cream into her hair.
“The magick-benders. They created a magick to follow us through the portals on Exodus Day. It allows us to absorb any new language spoken or seen by us. The process takes a few minutes, but it assimilates the entire language, minus some strange sayings used by the natives that don’t match up with meanings.”
“So anyone who went through a portal received it?”
“Yes. That was my understanding,” he said.
She picked up the brush and tugged it through a few small strands, wincing. How long had it been since she’d been allowed to brush her hair? So many things were missing. Every tiny detail. Big. Small. It didn’t matter. None were there.
She reached for a bit more cream and worked it through the strands. At this rate it would take the whole container of cream just to get part of her hair smooth again.
The brush caught again and she hissed. She wanted to rip it out. She was being selfish and whiny and not queenlike. She was stronger than this. It was just hair.
She could cut it off.
The idea of cutting off her long hair brought a fresh onslaught of tears streaming down her cheeks.
Again with the selfishness.
“Let me help you, shua—Lorelei,” he said moving toward her, correcting his slip of the tongue quickly, but it wasn’t fast enough. Hearing the endearment Tallix had used with such affection for years come from another man’s lips. Her heart cracked anew at the loss she’d yet to truly process.
Saul took the brush from her hand and the jar of cream from the counter. He put down the brush and started working the cream slowly through long twisted strands of her hair.
“I should cut it off. Do you have a knife?”
He shook his head. “Give it some time. Even if we have to work on it several times, you shouldn’t have to give up your hair.”
“It’s too far gone.”
“No, it’s not.” He put a hand on her bare shoulder and squeezed gently. Their gazes met again in the mirror.
They weren’t speaking of hair any longer.
He was telling her to be patient. With herself. With him. Not to give up.
“I’ll never be able to give you what you want.”
“Don’t worry about what you think should happen between us. Focus only on today. Fight for today. Fight for tomorrow. Can you do that for me?”
She swallowed slowly and looked down at her hands. They were clasped together so tightly her knuckles were white. She purposefully loosened them. Stretched her fingers. Flexed them. Took a deep slow breath.
“I will try.”
He held up a chunk of her hair to show her in the mirror. Completely smoothed out and trying to curl a little bit.
The slightest of smiles tugged at the corners of her mouth. It wasn’t as hopeless as she’d first thought.
Tangled hair felt like such a small thing. Being clean. Having clean clothes. Having food in her belly. She didn’t remember ever having to worry about those things. But looking at herself in the mirror again, she didn’t recognize the gaunt face. The sunken eyes. The tired glazed over expression.
She was so tired.
If she laid down right this moment, she wondered how many days she would sleep.
Thunk. Thunk. Thunk.
“Saul, they need you downstairs.” The voice on the other side of the door was female, but not the dragon. This woman was a…bear? “I brought the extra clothes. Naomi said the woman you found might need them. She said hers would look like a shrimps clothes on her. Not sure what that means.”