Running my thumb over the back of Erin’s hand, I realize that I’m still staring at her. Earlier, I lied. I know that I should have told her parents that we were just dating. It would have been much easier to get out of. But the real truth is that for whatever reason, saying that we were dating didn’t even cross my mind.
The idea of being engaged just popped into my head, and it felt so right that I couldn’t stop it coming out of my mouth. There’s no explanation for it either, because marriage hasn’t been on my mind. Or anything like it. I haven’t even been looking for a relationship.
I’ve had the occasional one-night stand for fun, but that’s all it was. Fun.
What happened with Erin didn’t just feel like fun. It felt like something indescribable and is also mildly terrifying because of that. But I’m in it. I meant what I said. I’m going to see it through.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you,” Erin says softly. “It’s just…I wanted it to be just mine for a while.”
Her mom smiles. “I understand.
“Thanks.”
“Okay folks,” Leo says, poking his head into the room. “If you’re with me for rafting, start heading over to the launch site so we can go over safety protocols and get you guys into vests.”
The whole group starts to break up, and I look at Erin. “You guys are all scheduled for that, right?”
“Right,” she says. She doesn’t look panicked, but she still looks nervous. Should I get her out of it? “How long are the rafting trips?”
“A few hours.”
Erin smiles. “Then I’ll be back soon enough, I guess.”
I lean in and kiss her gently. The whole time I’m telling myself that it’s for her parents sitting across from me. But it’s not. It’s because I want to taste the strawberry jam that she put on her pancakes and feel the way her breath catches when our lips meet. Kissing her is like waking up. A hit of pure oxygen to my lungs.
“See you later,” I say with a grin, fully aware of her parents staring at us from across the table. Erin’s cheeks are bright red, and she practically flees the table, the senior O’Neills following after I smile at them. They don’t know what to do with themselves, and honestly neither do I. What the fuck am I doing?
As soon as the entire family is out the door, I head to the office. Asher is there. Thank fuck. I don’t bother stopping before I walk in and shut the door. “I need to talk to you.”
He barely looks up from his computer. “What’s up?”
I pause for a second. “I might have fucked up.”
Asher does look up then, eyes scanning me from head to toe. “You don’t seem drunk, and I don’t see any broken bones, so what exactly have you fucked up?”
“I slept with Erin O’Neill last night,” I say.
Asher just stares at me, his mouth slightly open in shock, so I keep going.
“And again this morning. Her parents might have walked on in on her screaming my name, and I might have told them that we’re engaged in order to make it seem less bad.”
Another agonizing silence. And then Asher bursts out laughing. Not a little laugh, a deep laugh that’s so forceful he’s nearly lying down on his desk. “Oh my God.” He can’t stop, and I have to smile a little. I know that he’s not actually laughing at me. It’s just a little ironic considering the way he met Rose.
He slept with her when she was on a tour, found out she was actually here to spy for her scummy father, and married her to blackmail her into doing the right thing. In the process of all that, they fell in love, and they stayed married. Now they’re the most sickeningly happy people that I know. Besides Leo and Diana.
“I know.”
“This is perfect. Does Leo know?”
I shake my head. “Haven’t had the chance to tell him.”
“He’s going to laugh too.”
“Probably louder than you.” I roll my eyes.
Asher is actually tearing up, and he wipes his eyes before gathering himself. “You know I can’t scold you for shit. But seriously, man, go for it. After Rose, I don’t doubt that when love hits, it hits, and we all want you to be happy. Besides, when it does hit, that’s the end of it.”
“Wait a second,” I say, holding my hand out. “This isn’t love. I just told you so that you and Leo and the girls don’t let the cat out of the bag the rest of the weekend while I’m pretending to be engaged to her.”
My friend smirks. “Whatever you say, man. Rose and Diana are down in the city. I’ll let them know when they get back. And Leo, when he’s not on the river.”
“Thanks.”
“Sure thing. And Hudson, if you need anything from us, just tell us. We’ve been there. We know how it goes.”
I shake my head again. “It’s not the same, Asher.”
“Okay.”
“It’s not,” I say as I open the door and leave the office. “It’s not.”
I say the words to convince myself, but I’m not sure that I believe them.
9
Erin
How my parents ever really believed that I came here to do outdoor things is amazing to me. Hiking? Sure. Maybe archery. But white water rafting is definitely not my speed. It’s too chaotic and too loud, and by the time that the three-hour trek down the river is done and we’re driving back to the launch point, I’m exhausted.
It’s not like I got the best sleep last night either.
The entire time that we were on the river I could feel my parents watching me. But they didn’t ask me anything because I’d asked them to keep things quiet. So now that we’re back, I’m completely unsurprised when they pull me aside to speak with me alone. Hudson isn’t here, and I can tell that they’ve been dying to talk to me alone since the moment they left my guest house this morning.
“Are you okay, Erin?” Mom asks.
We look a lot alike. We’re about the same height and both have red hair. When I was younger, there were a couple times that we were mistaken for sisters. But right now she’s looking at me with genuine concern. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
She just looks at me, still shellshocked. “I’m just so surprised. And I don’t understand why you felt that you couldn’t tell us. Did you think that we wouldn’t be supportive?”
I don’t know what to say to that because of course they would be supportive. When I didn’t get into vet school, they weren’t disappointed at all. They said that it would be nice to have me home for a while and that maybe we could plan a trip during the gap year. They said they knew how hard I’d worked and that I needed time off.
And I didn’t know how to handle it. I was so devastated and so disappointed. I didn’t know how to take a break. I still don’t. That’s why I’ve been at the clinic, hoping that the extra time and effort on my résumé will help me if my test scores are still too low next time.
It doesn’t matter that I’m speechless because my parents have plenty to say. “Of course it’s unexpected,” my dad says. “But I have to say that it’s not entirely unwelcome.”