I was wrong.
So very wrong.
“No, he wasn’t happy to see me. And he told me he never wanted to see me again. His roommates even mentioned he might be mad enough to move out if I pushed taking the room.” I groaned. In my heart, I really thought things would go smoother than they had. But my head knew going up against a grown-up Huck who had a grudge against me wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. I just hadn’t expected him to look at me like he hated me and it hurt so much.
It’d been five years, but it seemed the wounds from my betrayal were still fresh and festering. Having the truth of his disdain and dismissal shoved in my face was one of the most painful things I’d ever gone through. My heart still felt bruised.
Mercer muttered a soft and sympathetic sound. “Maybe if you just give him some time, he’ll come around.”
I shook my head and tried to keep defeat from crushing my soul and the last vestiges of hope I held onto with a death grip. “He’s the most stubborn person on the planet. I don’t know if I can change his mind or get him to listen to me long enough to hear my apology.”
“You risked everything to come here and apologize and right the wrongs from the past. You can’t give up now.” She dropped her hand and cocked her head to the side. “Maybe you should be honest. Think about being upfront with him and tell him why you tracked him down after all this time. Would it hurt to let him know you lost your mom and now you’re all alone? Do you think he’s going to be surprised that you turned on him because his brother threatened your mom and you had no other choice? It sounds to me like he knows what that guy is capable of. I think you should explain how you’ve been living and what you’ve gone through since he left. He needs to know what his brother put you through. It might give him a new perspective and at least get you in the front door.”
I’d always walked lightly around the golden child. Huck’s half brother was touchy on good days and downright evil on bad ones. I got really good at avoiding his wrath, right up until he figured out the one surefire way to get me to bend to his will was to turn his ire on my mother. If I pissed him off or ignored him, he would make my mom work in the garden all day with no protection from the heat and the sun. He would make her get on her hands and knees and scrub marble floors until her hands bled. He would force her to wash windows balanced precariously on ladders that always seemed unstable. He would call for her in the middle of the night, over and over again, making sure she was sleep deprived. None of it was outright torture, but considering my mom was never in the best health, they were all risky tasks that strained her weakened heart. He endlessly exploited my desire to keep her safe when he figured out I would always acquiesce to keep his attention off of her.
After the accident, it was a weakness that worsened, and one that he used to his full advantage.
I was so done with living in a state of constant fear that someone would show up and make me go back to that house. Sure, I’d always wanted to track Huck down and see how he was doing and how far he’d come, and offer an explanation for my actions the night everything changed. but it was the ever-present fear that finally forced me to uproot my life and follow him. I wanted to believe, even after everything we’d been through and how badly I hurt him, that he’d still protect me, that he would keep me safe from those trying to keep me prisoner in a world where I didn’t belong.
At first, when my mom passed away, I hadn’t known where I was going or what I was going to do with myself. It was like sleepwalking, and when I finally woke up, I found myself here. I suddenly knew the only way I would stop being scared and get a handle on my future was if I managed to get as close to him as I’d once been.
I hadn’t known Huck was the buffer between me and absolute evil until he was gone.
I sighed. “I can’t blame him for wanting to protect himself and those he cares about from me.” He had every right not to trust me anymore.
“Those boys aren’t just friends. They’re family,” Mercer stated this matter-of-factly. Huck and his boys were almost celebrities in the small town. They made waves as freshmen for different reasons, but mostly because they became an inseparable force to be reckoned with. It was pretty well known amongst the student body that all four boys came from less-than-ideal homes. There wasn’t a single outstanding parental figure between the four of them, which meant they raised themselves and helped each other figure out how to be good, upstanding young men all on their own.
She sighed again and told me, “You know you are welcome to keep the room in the shop through this semester if you need to. I know it isn’t anything luxurious, but it’s better than nothing.”
It was way better than nothing. Other than not having a real kitchen, the little room was actually just fine. The only thing it lacked was Huck. I didn’t want to live in the Victorian because of comfort or convenience. I wanted to live there so I could finally stop looking over my shoulder and live like a normal human for the first time in forever. I hardly slept when I was living in the back of the shop…not because it was cramped, but because every shadow that moved terrified me and had me ready to jump out of my skin. I wasn’t willing to go back to my previous life, but I knew that wouldn’t stop someone from trying to make me.
I tilted my head to the side and let it rest on Mercer’s shoulder. She always smelled like wildflowers and vanilla. What I wouldn’t give to be as centered and calm as she always was.
“You saved my life. You know that, don’t you?” My voice cracked, and I realized today had been one of the longest in history. It was a miracle I managed to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Mercer took my free hand in hers and squeezed. “No. You saved your own life. Don’t forget that. I know you think Huck Snyder is the answer to all your problems, but you made it this far without him or the support of anyone else. You are strong, and you are capable. Never let anyone convince you differently.” Keeping my hand in hers, she stood and tugged on the limb. “Enough for today. You aren’t going to come up with a solution pouting on the front steps. Let’s order a pizza and watch Netflix.”
I got up and followed my only friend inside the eclectic store. She was right that I wasn’t going to come up with a solution to get through to Huck by pouting and bemoaning everything that went wrong in my life. I had made it this far on my own, even though the choices I’d made to get this far had been more than slightly questionable.
I just didn’t know how much more fight I had inside of me. I felt empty and drained. At least I had until I was face-to-face with Huck. When I met those glittering gold eyes of his, I finally felt alive again. I felt something inside of me, bubbling and trembling with tentative hope. He’d been a dangerous influence when I was young and stupid. He was something so much more than dangerous now that I was older and stupider than I had been.
I knew he wasn’t going to be open to listen to anything I had to say, so all I could do was keep my fingers crossed that my plan to plead my case with Mr. Peters had worked. There weren’t many people Huck and his boys respected, but the older landlord was one of them.
The last advocate I’d had was Huck. I never thought I’d need someone to advocate for me to him.