“I don’t need help with my love life,” Thatcher said, offering us his sly grin.
Alice humphed and got back to her chopping, moving onto the celery next. The scent of browning meat from the pot on the stove made my stomach growl.
“Love life? No, but you haven’t brought a woman home for dinner once,” she said to him. “He had a child out of wedlock.” She aimed her knife in Huck’s direction, and he actually blushed but wasn’t ashamed of Claire. Alice loved Claire to death, so her point wasn’t about anything but the three of us all having the same single status.
“And you.” She turned and offered me a shrewd glance.
“Me?” I asked, setting my hand on my chest. “What have I done?”
She glanced at the peas on my crotch.
“Clearly you’re doing it wrong,” she countered, full of sass. “Since you’ve wasted a bag of my peas trying to get a date.”
“After Tina—” I lifted the peas up in the air. “And earlier, you want me to go out and pick up women?”
She frowned, puckered her lips as if the thought of Tina left a sour taste in her mouth. “Pick up? No. Look what that effort did to you. You clearly need to be auctioned off if you can’t do it yourself.” She turned to her stew pot, a little flustered, then looked at me over her shoulder.
I actually felt my cheeks heat. I felt off my game. I wanted Kelsey. I wanted her to buy me at the auction because I wanted a second chance. Hell, I wanted to know what made her run so hot. But there was no way in hell she’d be buying my sorry ass.
“I’m not raising you boys forever,” she continued. “I’ve told you before, and I’m telling you again, I’m working on moving to be near my sister in Alabama where it’s warm all year round.”
She’d said that before, and I had a sneaking suspicion she was getting more serious about the plan by the day. Alice had been our rock since our parents had died. She was mother, housekeeper, nurse and had even been chauffeur until I got my license and took over that role.
“You don’t want us to pick up random women, but you’re okay with us being auctioned off to the highest bidder?” Huck asked.
“I wasn’t trying to pick up a random woman,” I reminded, trying to make them see that I wasn’t a manwhore. “The new preschool teacher’s… hell, she’s something. I offered to show her around town not my bed.”
Alice narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips.
She ignored me and Thatcher and spun about to face Huck. “You volunteered—”
“Volunteered? More like shanghaied,” Huck cut in, but it did nothing to stop Alice.
“—to be bachelors to raise money for the youth program at the community center. You remember how involved you were as kids.”
We’d done little league and a few camping trips. Some dances. I’d even had my first kiss at one of those.
When I’d gone off to college in Missoula, Huck and Thatcher—who were two and four years younger—had done more stuff through the program. Alice was right. It was a worthwhile cause, but I’d rather write them a check than be in an auction, but I didn’t dare suggest that. I was the fucking fire chief. I was invested in this town.
“Miss Turnbuckle will be a dream date in comparison to someone like Delilah Mays,” Thatcher said then gave an exaggerated shiver. He might be the least… selective but wasn’t interested in that piece of work either.
“Delilah?” Huck groaned and went to the fridge, grabbed a mug from the cabinet and poured himself some coffee, which Alice always kept fresh. “She’s had her sights set on any one of us since we got hair on our balls.”
“Language,” Alice warned again, shaking her head in her usual dismay at Huck’s crude words.
“What the he—heck, Huck?” I said at the same time, trying not to laugh, even though it was true.
“You have a point there,” Alice conceded. “I can’t believe she hopped in your bed senior year.”
“Hopped in my bed?” I asked, eyes wide. “Alice, she didn’t come through the front door. She climbed through the window and stripped herself bare.”
Thatcher chuckled. “First time you get a woman in bed, and you can’t perform.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, even though at the time, it was a nightmare. Delilah was beautiful. Had been even back then. Any high schooler’s wet dream. But when she surprised you in your bed… my teenage dick had gotten hard at the sight of her perky tits but quickly deflated. For a while, I’d thought she’d broken me.
That fiasco hadn’t deterred her much although she’d moved onto Huck and Thatcher. She hadn’t climbed in their windows. At least she’d learned that lesson although I was sure she still wanted one of us, all these years of rejection later.
Alice cleared her throat and went over to the stove to turn the burner down, the sizzle of the meat quieting. She knew we weren’t virgins, but we sure as shit didn’t share where we put our dicks with her.
“She’ll give any man stage fright,” Huck countered.
“That was over ten years ago. She isn’t any better these days,” I added although not because I’d ever had her in my bed. Fuck, no. “She was at pick up. Her daughter’s just like her. Be glad Claire will be a year ahead in school.”
Huck ran a hand over his face and sighed.
“There will be other women bidding besides Delilah,” Alice added, steering the conversation back to the bachelor auction. “It’s a great way for women to approach you three.” She looked us up and down. “You have to admit, between your grouchy faces and your size, you’re formidable.”
“Can’t we just donate money to the program instead?” Huck asked, voicing my thought then taking a swig of coffee. He’d always been the moodiest of the three of us, but we were all equally doomed to this event. Complaining about it wasn’t going to make it any better.
“Enough.” Alice set her hands on her narrow hips. At close to seventy, she had a straight spine and was as healthy as a horse. Each of us might have almost a hundred pounds on her, but no one messed with Alice. “If Huck can talk about the hair on your balls, then I can talk about the days I used to help you wipe your butts.” She paused for effect, which had all three of us squirming. She pointed her knife at us again. “You three will be at the bachelor auction on Friday night. You’re being auctioned off to available—and hopefully appealing—women. End of discussion.”
3
SAWYER
Two days later
“This is a fucking nightmare,” Huck murmured, moving to lean against the wall. We were backstage at the community center, waiting for our turn to be called out and auctioned off. We were all wearing our fanciest duds which amounted to clean jeans and pressed shirts. Thatcher tossed me a breath mint then stuck one in his mouth.
Huck would rather run for the hills than stand here, and I knew only Alice’s wrath was keeping him—and me—from doing so.
“Dude, have you seen all the women out there?” Thatcher asked, going to peek around the corner to check out the audience. He seemed much more eager. Hell, he could have my date and probably Huck’s, too.