She rolled her lips together as if she was editing what she was going to say next. “It’s very sweet of you to check up on me.”
I shrugged. “I thought you were in trouble. That’s all. You’re a good nanny . . . and Bethany likes you.”
Autumn laughed. “Oh yes, right. Wouldn’t want to lose a good nanny.”
“That came out wrong.” I couldn’t find the right words. I’d heard the strange voice then the scream—had I put two and two together and come out with nineteen? It would seem like it, but better to be safe than sorry. Right? I tried to think whether I would have done the same for any of the other nannies we’d had over the years.
I doubt I would have noticed a man’s voice in the background of any of the phone calls I’d had with them. Or a scream. Or breaking glass. I would have been entirely focused on Bethany and getting her to bed.
But Autumn wasn’t like the other nannies we’d had before.
Maybe Joshua hadn’t been so far off.
“Well, we should go,” I said. “As you’re fine.” I tried to catch Joshua’s eye, but he was too busy flirting.
“You could buy me a drink,” Autumn suggested.
I looked at her, making sure I’d heard her right. It was like she was daring me to step over some unspoken line in the sand. She held my gaze as if she were willing me to set my foot down.
No. I wasn’t here to have drinks. Flirt. Touch. I shouldn’t be here at all.
“We’re leaving. Now it’s clear there’s nothing wrong. There’s no reason to stay.”
“Are you sure?” Autumn asked.
I nodded. “Joshua,” I called out. “We’re leaving.”
What had I been thinking coming here? Autumn was a grown woman. I had no business running after her in the middle of the night and leaving my daughter. I needed to remember the promises I’d made to myself to stay away from women. My life and my daughter didn’t need complication, disappointment, and disruption.
Eight
Autumn
As I wrestled with Bethany’s pink and blue swim cap, I had a pang of homesickness. It didn’t happen very often, but the summers I’d spent lifeguarding back in Oregon had been fun—perhaps the only fun bit of life in Oregon. I was bummed I wasn’t going to be in the water today. Bethany’s swimming class didn’t have parents and caregivers in the water with the students once they’d reached four.
An image of Gabriel in swim trunks flashed into my brain. Perhaps I should suggest both of us take Bethany swimming some time.
Neither of us had brought up the way he came after me last weekend. He’d been in bed when I’d gotten home that night, and I’d barely seen him this week. When we crossed paths in the kitchen after Bethany was asleep, he’d grunted at me before heading straight to his locked door, still without giving me any clues to what he was doing in there.
I had a bad case of Gabriel Chase Whiplash. One minute he was caring and intimate and a little flirtatious. The next he was all cold and haughty and brick walls. I wasn’t sure which one was the real him. But I bet they’d both look great in a swimming pool.
“There,” I said, tucking the last of Bethany’s hair up into the cap. Her hair was going to look like she’d been back combing like an extra in Hairspray, but we’d cross that bridge when we came to it.
“You’re going to watch me?” Bethany asked, crossing her hands over her chest and hopping from foot to foot.
“Of course. Wouldn’t miss it, and I’m going to take lots of photos for your daddy.” I gathered up Bethany’s things, put them in a locker, and then grabbed my bag. “You ready?”
She shivered and then grinned. “Yup.”
I cloaked her towel around her shoulders, took her hand and we made our way out to the seated area where the parents and nannies stayed to watch. I glanced around, hoping that this lesson there would be a lifeguard on duty.
“You need a drink?” I asked, as I dumped my bag on a seat nearest the steps.
“No thank you. I don’t want to wee wee in the pool.”
“If you’re thirsty, you should have a drink. You can just ask your teacher to excuse you if you need to wee wee.”
“I’m not.” She shook her head, and I made a mental note to encourage her to drink in the lead-up to arriving to her next lesson. I didn’t want her dehydrated. It was only a forty-minute lesson, but she needed to be alert the entire time. “I really want to dive from the edge again. You’ll take a picture of me jumping in for Daddy?”
“I will, Bethany, but I want you to listen to your teacher and only dive when she tells you to.”
She nodded excitedly and I smiled, glancing around for that lifeguard I kinda knew wasn’t going to arrive. The lesson only had ten children and two instructors, but it niggled me there wasn’t someone outside the water who was looking over everything.
The children filed out one after another and lined up at the edge of the pool. It was such a shame Gabriel wasn’t here. He’d be so proud of Bethany. She was confident and sensible and when she dipped to whisper to the girl who was standing next to her, I knew she was encouraging her. She was a good kid. Well behaved. Kind. And she loved her daddy.
The same as last week, the class started with some basic safety reminders similar to the kids’ lessons back in Oregon, and then just like last week, the instructor in the swimsuit slipped into the pool, while the other kept her red shorts on and stayed poolside.
Bethany glanced over at me as the kids at the far end of the line began to jump into the pool from standing up. I nodded, trying to be encouraging. I knew she’d prefer to try a sitting dive, but she’d get a chance later on.
She jumped in and I got the perfect, mid-air shot that Gabriel would love. He’d told me a couple of times that the next best thing to being with Bethany himself was getting the pictures I took. And while being a nanny wasn’t exactly what I’d had in mind for a job, getting feedback like that—helping a father enjoy his child—was far more rewarding than I expected. I was lucky to know Bethany and Gabriel. Lucky to get to spend time with them both. Being paid was a bonus.
My phone buzzed and I glanced down to see a message from Hollie. I’d pick it up later. I wanted to focus on Bethany and her lesson and . . . I just felt better knowing I had my eye on her at all times.
They started the lesson having each student take turns collecting a colored band from the bottom of the pool. The water came up to their chests, so they were never out of their depth, but it was a good exercise for water confidence from what I could tell. The kids were well-behaved and seemed to be enjoying themselves, taking huge breaths before they sank below the surface. Next was five-meter swimming. When it was Bethany’s turn, she swam like a champ, albeit a champ with a haphazard doggie paddle. As soon as she touched the side, she looked over at me, checking I had seen her. I grinned and gave her a thumbs-up.
The boy who was up next swam half of the five meters underwater and almost reached the side before changing course and swimming into Bethany. He began pulling at her in a slightly panicky way. I was already on my feet when the instructor in the pool lifted the boy up and out of the water, sitting him on the side.