“I no longer have my Kodak,” I slowly lie.
Étienne clears his throat. “Since you lost it, I’ll have to get you a new one.”
“That’s kind of you, but not necessary,” I say.
“We insist,” Serene cuts in. “I know how passionate you are about photography. Consider this me and Étienne’s welcome home gift.”
“No!” I burst out.
Étienne’s eyes widen. Serene sits back in her seat. I take a deep breath before I continue. “I apologize. I forgot myself.” I give the two of them a smile. “I simply cannot take the gift from you because photography is no longer a pleasurable pastime of mine.”
“What is then?” Serene asks.
My answer isn’t good enough for Serene. As she waits for my reply, she openly watches me. I remember when she first came into our lives. She was precisely what we all needed, but never knew. Very swiftly, I forged a bond that I knew, deep in my soul, was a true friendship. I felt comfortable enough to confide in her and express my interest in photography. She was encouraging, sharing my excitement for my hobby.
Right now, I can’t bear to look at her. I’ll see all my hopes and dreams reflected in her gaze, and I don’t want to be reminded of them. I don’t want her to know that I accomplished none of them.
“Well, there is very little that brings me happiness,” I confess. I stare at the table and realize how truthful those words are. I’m a bundle of nerves, unable to sit still in one place for long because idleness leads to thoughts of the past, and I can’t dwell there. Serene might be onto something. However, to keep me occupied, it needs to be more than a hobby. It needs to exhaust me to where I think of nothing. From the corner of my eye, I spot the newspaper Étienne’s reading. It’s folded in half, but I can read one headline, RED CROSS NEEDS SEVERAL NURSES. Beneath, in smaller font, is, All Women Who Can Serve Asked To Telephone Their Addresses. I’m not a nurse. I don’t have the qualifications to be one, but that one headline gives birth to a big idea.
Lifting my gaze from the newspaper, I look at Serene and Étienne and smile. “I’ve decided to get a job.”
Abruptly, Étienne’s head snaps in my direction. “No, you’re not.”
Serene stops eating and nearly drops her fork onto her plate. “Excuse me?”
This wasn’t planned. But if it was, I couldn’t have thought of announcing it at a better time. Who better to have on my side than Serene? I cannot think of anyone that goes up against my brother, Étienne, the way she does. It’s inspiring and intimidating all at once. I don’t have it in me to be that way, although I wish I did. My heart races when people raise their voice. When I do become angry, it takes quite a lot to get me there, and even more to pull me out.
“Please explain yourself,” Étienne says, pulling me out of my thoughts.
Sitting up straight, I place my elbows on the table, abandoning all manners. And lean toward my brother. I look ready to make a business transaction with him, rather than to have a conversation. But I cannot help myself. For the first time in quite some time, I’m excited about something. I see potential, and more than that, I see hope.
“I was ponderin’ Serene’s question about what’s a hobby of mine. I couldn’t give her an answer to that because the last few years have been…” Briefly, I look away. “Challengin’ at best, and I need somethin’ more than a hobby. I need a job. I need to be busy.”
When I’m finished speaking, Serene’s nodding along, already in agreement as I knew she would be. Étienne, however, is a different story. His jaw is firmly set as he stares at me. His eyes are hard, unmoving. His gaze flicks to Serene before he gestures to me. “She’s not gettin’ a job.”
“Why not?” Serene and I ask in unison.
He looks between the two of us, unsure who he should answer. “There’s no need,” he finally says.
“Durin’ the war, women had jobs as clerks, bookkeepers, nurses,” I remind him.
“Do you see a war out there?” Étienne roars.
Swallowing, I look away. “No.”
Both Étienne and Serene stare at me for entirely different reasons. Étienne knows me. He knows how I despise conflict. He knows he’s about to win this battle. But Serene, she looks at me with eager, encouraging eyes, a gesture that says, ‘Go on. Don’t stop now.’
I take a deep breath. “No, but I see one in here.”
My brother narrows his eyes. “People work for money. Because it’s a necessity of life.”
“Or for distraction,” Serene cuts in.
I gesture to my sister-in-law. “That too.”
Étienne narrows his eyes at his wife before he gives his attention back to me. “If you so desperately need a distraction look over Alex and Trace. They will keep you distracted.
“Étienne,” Serene warns. “Stop it.”
“What? She needs a distraction. There’s a healthy distraction. Otherwise, the matter is closed. Nathalie doesn’t need a job, and I don’t want to hear of this work talk anymore.”
Étienne is as stubborn as Daddy was. Nothing or no one is going to change my brother’s mind. It doesn’t matter how I explain this to him. He finds it to be an insult that I would work while under his roof. I am his family, and he will provide for me until his dying day. It has nothing to do with providing, though, and everything with preserving what little of my sanity I have left.
I take a deep breath and come to another decision. “Fine. Then I will leave Belgrave.”
Serene’s mouth opens in shock. She looks at Étienne, waiting for his response.
He rubs his jaw, as though he’s doing everything in his power to contain his temper. “And pray tell where will you go?” he asks between clinched teeth.
“There’s the Lacroix House.”
In unison, Étienne and I turn in the direction of Serene. She freezes, mid-bite, and slowly lowers her bread. “What?”
“Absolutely not!” Étienne nearly shouts. “Consider that recommendation rejected.”
It’s not for me, though. I captured the suggestion as my own, the second the words were placed into the air. I never even thought about the Lacroix House. For quite some time, Livingston’s lived there. His name simply became synonymous with the Lacroix House.
But I could live there.
Livingston and Rainey would reside there after they married for a small period while they finished the final touches of their house. After that, Lacroix House could be all mine.
The very idea that I can come and go as I please, without being under the watchful eye of anyone, sends a thrill through me. This opportunity presented in front of me is a fresh start and a new sense of freedom, exactly what I need.
I don’t think I fully comprehended the word freedom until I lived at Brignac House. After my stay there, I realized how much in my life I took for granted.
“Lacroix House is a great idea, Serene. I’m sure Livingston would love to have me as guest,” I say.
“Until I speak with him and he realizes what horribly foolish ideas you have in your mind,” Étienne quickly retorts.