The whole day, McKayla and Brad have tried their best to calm me down. As they did my hair and makeup, Brad was even joking about the bright red lips he gave me.
“Girl, I do believe I’ve given you the world’s best set of blowjob lips!” he quipped, snapping his fingers at my fierce look. “It’s going to drive all those dicks out there crazy!”
Sure, it worked, and I laughed, but it only took away my worries for a moment. And I couldn’t help but hope that the guys I meet tonight aren’t thinking that about my lips because then that’ll mean I’m sending the wrong message. I’m not a slut. And sending the wrong message is the last thing I want to do on TV.
And what do I know about being on camera anyway? I’ll probably fudge up the whole thing.
McKayla and Brad have assured me there’s nothing to filming since I don’t have actual lines and that I should just be myself. After all, that’s why they chose me, apparently. So far, that hasn’t helped. I think what’s driving me crazy the most is meeting all of these men and being expected to have chemistry with several of them, something I know isn’t possible.
And how am I supposed to know who is genuine and who is not?
No one cares if the love on the show is real. All that matters is whether it appears that way, says a small voice in the back of my mind. It’s the fantasy of perfect love. Not the truth.
I don’t know why the thought bothers me. I love to watch these shows and I can’t get enough of them. But now I’m on the other side.
“That’s easy for you to say,” I reply to Brad, tearing my eyes away from a camera man carrying his equipment balanced on his shoulder as he rushes across the room. “You’re not the one who has to go out there and be tossed in front of a pack of wolves.”
Brad lets out a snort and gives me a little shimmy. “Girl, please, I wish I was in your shoes. I’d yell for them to bring it on. They could eat all of this good stuff,” he says as he gestures to encompass his whole body.
“Except they’d probably get sick from eating tainted meat,” McKayla butts in. “And then filming would be a wrap.”
“Ain’t nothing tainted here, sweetheart,” Brad gloats, doing a little twirl as he pops his ass twice. “All of this tootsie roll is sweet. Sweet enough to eat.”
McKayla laughs and shakes her head and then looks at me with sympathy. “I’m sorry if we’re not helping, chica, but like Brad said, you’ll be fine.”
I shake my head. “Hearing you two is actually helping. It’s keeping my mind occupied.”
McKayla smiles at me. “Darlin’, if I looked like you look right now, all I would be worried about is how many hearts I’m going to break tonight when all the men see me.”
Warmth flows through my chest at her compliment. Even I have to admit that I look good, thanks to McKayla and Brad. My hair is done up into a spectacular updo with wisps of hair that cascade around my face. Despite Brad’s comment about my lips, he’s gifted me with a fierce face mask that channels a bit of catwalk. The cocktail dress is hugging my curves in all the right places, topped off with a sparkling diamond necklace and three-inch black heels that I can barely walk in.
“Thank you,” I reply softly, blushing.
Meredith sweeps into the room like a tornado before McKayla can reply, shouting orders and making demands. As usual, she’s dressed sharp as a tack in a black jumpsuit and matching black pumps, a white belt wrapped around her waist and not a hair on her head out of place.
The flurry of activity increases at Meredith’s commands, and the production crew goes into overdrive bringing the set to life. At the moment, I’m struck by how fake the setup is, but my frazzled nerves keep me from dwelling on it.
“Hey!” Meredith yells at a poor young stagehand carrying a vase that looks too large for him, gesturing wildly, “Watch where you’re going with that thing! It cost the studio a fortune.” She looks like she’s about to scold him further when her eyes fall on me and she forgets about him as she walks over.
“Well, don’t you look beautiful,” Meredith says, stopping in front of me and pursing her lips as she looks me up and down. “I knew we made the right choice. All you have to do is deliver on bringing the drama.”
I go pale, feeling sick to my stomach at her words. It’s a cold reminder of how the entire show is riding on my shoulders. Drama? I’m boring. I’m anything but drama.
Before I can reply, Brad clears his throat.
Meredith snorts. “If you’re looking for a compliment for doing a job that the studio pays you good money for, then you’ll be waiting until you’re old and gray.”
Brad goes silent, but I’m almost certain I hear him mutter under his breath, “Good money, my flat ass.”
Meredith ignores him and for the first time, her face softens as she reaches out and places a hand on my shoulder. “How are you feeling, doll?”
I part my lips to lie, but I think better of it. “Just a bit nervous is all. I don’t want to screw anything up.”
“Oh, honey, you can’t worry yourself about that,” Meredith tells me. “You’ll do fine. We picked you out of thousands of applicants, and we’re usually a good judge of character. If all fails, just picture them naked and giggle all the time. You’ll come off as cute and endearing to the audience, if not a little ditzy.” She gestures at the room’s exit. “But if you’ll just follow me, we need to get you in position for the men’s arrival.”
I feel like a knock-kneed duck as I follow Meredith across the room and out to the manicured grounds, nearly stumbling as my heels sink into the grass. Brad and McKayla follow under the guise of making sure my hair and makeup stay on point, but I think they’re mostly lending me some much-needed moral support.
The sun is just setting as we make it out, basking the mansion in its orange glow. In spite of the setup, I’m in total awe of the gorgeous scene in front of me, taking a moment to memorize the sight before we begin. From what I’ve been able to gather, the ceremony starts at dusk, any minute now.
“Here,” Meredith says, stopping at an erected three-step dais before the roundabout driveway. She gives me her hand to help me up the steps and I turn around to face her.
“There,” she says, beaming. “You look perfect. Oh, and we can’t forget this.” She takes a tiny wireless mic from Nate, who hovers nearby, silently anticipating Meredith’s need. Attaching the mic to the front of my dress and the sound pack on my back, she surveys me one more time. Turning to McKayla and Brad, she says, “I do have to hand it to you guys. For all of your crazy cattiness, she looks great.”
McKayla and Brad look shocked at the compliment, but she doesn’t give them a chance to reply. “Okay, I have to go make sure the set is coming along inside. Emily, hold your mark for the ceremony. Joe, the cameraman, will be out here when it’s time to start filming.” She points at McKayla and Brad. “You two can stay out here for support, but only interrupt if Emily needs her hair or makeup fixed.”
“Ja wohl, Fraulein!” Brad says with a mock salute.
Meredith ignores him and gives me a wink as she walks off.
I’m standing on the dais, shaking like a leaf as studio crews rush outside to set up lighting and put large vases filled with roses around me. Despite the pep talk from Meredith, my anxiety seems to have only gotten worse, my heart pounding in my chest like a war drum as the flurry of activity around me begins to make me dizzy.