“He’s probably right.”
I met Tom’s gaze.
He shrugged. “You probably could be happy without it. You could be happy without any kink if Will wasn’t into it because you want to be with him. That’s why you’d never push him beyond his limits. But you’re happier when you’re getting that side fulfilled. The fact that you’re with a man who’s secure enough in himself and in your relationship to step aside and let someone else give you what he isn’t willing to give?” Tom whistled, shaking his head. “You hit the damn jackpot with that one, man.”
I had to smile. He was absolutely right. Of course, that was why I was so worried—I had hit the jackpot with Will, and I didn’t want to lose him, least of all over something like this.
Tom tapped his nails on the desk. “So you guys really found someone. A submissive who’s also a sadist?”
“Yeah.” I laughed. “Talk about a unicorn.” Humor fading, I added, “Which kind of makes me feel like there’s a ton of pressure for things to work with him. Because if they don’t, then fuck if I know when or if we’ll ever find another.”
“Hey, don’t get ahead of yourself. Don’t feel like you have to play with this guy just because someone with his qualifications is tough to find.”
“I know. I know. I just…” I exhaled. “I’m worried this won’t work. And I’m worried it will work. And I’m…” I threw up my hand. “Just kind of a train wreck about it, I guess?”
“So I see.” He watched me silently for a moment. “So, what’s the next step with him?”
“Well, we’re meeting him tonight.” I swallowed. “I don’t know if we’re playing with him or not—we all wanted to feel each other out before we committed to anything.”
“Good idea. How does Will feel about it?”
“He seems to be onboard. The ad was his idea, and he liked Kelly’s profile.” Sitting back, I bounced my knee again. “As much as we’ve talked about it, I think I’d know by now if he wasn’t into it.”
Tom laughed wryly. “Uh, yeah, once you’ve cross-examined him a few dozen times, I’m sure—”
“Hey!”
“What?” He spread his palms. “Am I wrong?”
I rolled my eyes, because no, he was not wrong, and fuck him. “Don’t you have work to do?”
“Yes, I do, but someone needed to talk about his evening plans.”
“All right. I’ll let you get back to it. I still have a shitload myself.” I made a face. “Ugh, I still need to prep for Wednesday’s deposition.”
“Have fun with that.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I pushed myself up with a dramatic sigh. “All right. I’ll get out of your hair.”
“Good luck tonight.”
I smiled despite the nerves in my stomach. “Thanks.”
I had a feeling we’d need it.
When I got home, I went through my usual motions. I left my briefcase in its usual kitchen chair and draped my jacket over the back. In the kitchen, I made Will a cup of coffee, and once it was polluted the way he liked it, I took it up to his office.
His door was open and music was playing. Black Sabbath, I thought. Apparently he was in a heavy metal mood today. Oblivious to me, he was staring at his screen as he moved the stylus around on his drawing tablet.
Just walking into his office was instant sensory overload for me sometimes. Not just the music, but the general chaos. My office was pristine, in part because I met clients there and in part because I couldn’t work if it wasn’t. Even a crumpled up gum wrapper on my desk would drive me up a wall.
Will…would never notice a crumpled up gum wrapper in this room. He had three large monitors on his desk, each edged with a mosaic of brightly colored sticky notes attached at every imaginable angle. Behind those were two huge whiteboards, one of which was allegedly his calendar, but I couldn’t imagine how he found anything amidst all the chaotic notes, sketches, doodles, reminders, and additional sticky notes that seemed to have exploded all over the entire surface. Books, binders, and papers were stacked high on his broad desk, shelves, and the sticky-note-covered file cabinet. There were also stress balls (he and Tom both loved those), fidget spinners in at least eight different colors, and various other things he could touch and play with when he was trying to focus.
It made my eye twitch to even think about working in here, but this was where Will thrived, so I never said a word and I didn’t dare move anything. While it all seemed like a disaster to me, it really was organized chaos to him—he knew where everything was, and there was a rhyme and a reason to it that made sense to him and only him. In fact, if I came in and it was significantly neater or a surface had been conspicuously cleaned and tidied, I worried because that meant he was struggling hard to concentrate.
Today, he was apparently doing all right—he was focused intently on his screen, head bobbing slightly in time with the music, lips moving soundlessly along with the lyrics.
I came into the office, and as I put his coffee down beside him, he looked up and smiled. “Hey, baby.”
“Hey.” I leaned in for a quick kiss. “Am I interrupting?”
“Nah.” He paused the music and sat back lacing his hands behind his head as he stretched. Then he reached for his coffee. “You just get home?”
I nodded. “How much work do you have left?”
We both knew the answer was “enough to keep me busy until the sun burns out,” and that the question was really “what time should I have dinner ready?”
He sighed and glanced at his screen. “I just want to finish tweaking the shading on this one, and then I’ll call it a night.” Looking up at me again, he said, “Give me half an hour.”
“Okay.” I checked my phone. “Kelly’s supposed to be here at seven-thirty. Does that give us enough time?”
“Oh. Right. That’s tonight, isn’t it?”
I nodded.
Will rubbed his face. “I’ll go ahead and close this down, then. Let’s just do something quick for dinner.” He met my gaze. “Unless you already had something planned?”
“Nothing that can’t be modified.” I bent and kissed his forehead. “Let me grab a shower, and I’ll make some sandwiches or something.”
His smile made all the day’s fatigue flutter away. “Sounds great. I’ll be down in a sec. After I finish…” He motioned toward the screen.
Of course he would. Assuming he didn’t get sucked back into his project and lose track of time. That was okay—once I had our sandwiches ready, I’d gently pry him away from his work. It was just as well I wasn’t working late tonight, because when he was in the zone like this, he’d still have his nose to the screen by the time I came shuffling in at ten, eleven, midnight, or whenever.
And besides, we had company coming tonight.
We still had time before Kelly showed up, though. While Will drank the coffee I’d brought to him, I took his empty cup down to the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher. Then I went back upstairs for a shower to rinse away the day’s stress and fog.