If only I knew then what I know now, I’d have broken up with Kyle immediately, claiming the need to be free and enjoy college. Anything to have saved myself the heartache of living my life for him, but getting nothing in return.
“If I don’t get in the shower soon, I know Mom will be in here reminding me of the time,” I mutter to my reflection before turning on the shower.
The water warms up after a few minutes and I climb in. I usually take my time in the shower, but after hitting snooze on my alarm twice this morning, I don’t have that kind of time.
After taking care of my morning routine, I dress in a knee-length black pencil skirt that shows off all my curves and a salmon-colored blouse. Deciding that less is more, I tie the top half of my hair back, holding it in place with a stylish barrette and leaving the rest flowing down my back.
“I really could use a haircut,” I mumble at my reflection before finishing the outfit with my signature pearl necklace. I can’t remember the last time I went anywhere without this thing on, except for my wedding day. I should have known then our marriage was doomed to fail.
One more thing to add to the list of things I don’t have money for.
Did I mention that on top of handing me divorce papers, the asshole left me with nothing? That’s right, not even spousal support. After years of putting his needs before my own and giving up on my own dreams for him, nothing. I was dumb enough to believe that nonsense that we’d be together forever and signed a prenuptial agreement right before we got married. Kyle claimed it was just to ensure that if something happened, I wouldn’t be able to take his company from him. He neglected to inform me that I was also giving up my right to any type of financial support once we were divorced. My parents wanted me to have a lawyer look at it, but I refused, claiming that Kyle would never do anything to harm me. I was so naïve.
So, here I am, thirty-three-years-old, divorced, and living with my parents. After moving back to Toronto six months ago, I’ve been working odd jobs through my mom’s friend's temp agency, unable to find anything permanent until this placement with Nth Technologies. It’s only on a contract basis for now, but there’s the opportunity for full-time employment once the contract is finished. With my history in the field, I’m hoping they’ll keep me around. Being a secretary for the head of a technology company is the only thing I’ve ever done for more than a week or two at a time, it’s only natural to attempt to stay in the same field.
Kyle went to business school while I got a Bachelor of Arts, which is a fancy way of saying that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Once we graduated, we got married and Kyle started a tech company, Xue, and began making apps for smartphones. It took a couple of years, but he got a few major contracts and things took off. We decided then that I’d help around the office, doing administrative work for him, and once things settled down, we’d have time for the future we talked about. At the time, I was happy to support him and his business, and I did so with a smile. However, when years turned into almost a decade, I wondered if we still wanted the same future.
I’d like to say that there were signs that my husband was cheating on me with anyone that was willing, but that would be a lie. I was blissfully unaware of his wandering eye until he made a reservation for us to celebrate our anniversary early and slapped a stack of divorce papers on the table between us.
Kyle claimed we’d grown apart and wanted different things in our lives, but in reality, he’d found himself a prettier and younger mistress. The word among our friends was that he had gotten her pregnant, but at that point, I didn’t care. I tried to tough it out, but quickly found out that making it in San Francisco was harder than I thought, especially when I lost my job along with my husband. Although I had some help from a few friends and temp work, I had no other choice than to call my parents, and the rest is history.
“I know you aren’t much of a breakfast person now, so I made you coffee and one of those protein drinks you like,” my mom says as she takes a sip of her coffee, halting my trip down memory lane.
“Thanks, Mom.” I smile at her as I grab the two cups sitting on the counter beside the door and check my watch. If I hurry, I can catch the next train downtown and still make it to the office with a few minutes to spare. “I need to head out so I’m not late for my first day on the job.”
Once I’m in the car, I drive to the Toronto Transit Commission and park in their lot, noticing that the train is already on the tracks.
“Shit,” I curse as I climb out, leaving both of my mugs inside, and run for the platform.
“You just made it.” A man smiles brightly at me as I slide between the two doors.
“Yeah, I need to get better at waking up in the mornings,” I huff, trying to catch my breath before heading deeper into the train car and taking a seat.
The ride downtown is uneventful, and we pull into King station right on time.
“Have a good day,” I say to the man I spoke with earlier before stepping off and heading toward my new office.
I walk the few blocks to my office building and hit the button for the ninth floor, where Nth Technologies awaits.
As I ride the elevator up, I prepare to meet my new boss, Clayton Matthews. Clay and I went to high school together, but we didn’t interact much other than inside class. He was a shy boy with dark hair and thick-rimmed glasses, but there was always something about him that drew me in.
If I’m being honest, I’d hoped he would have asked me to prom. But when Kyle asked, I couldn’t bear to turn him down, and the rest is history. Every now and then, I wondered what happened to the quiet boy I sat next to in math class. I knew he started a successful tech business, but I wanted to know how he was doing. If he was still the shy boy who hid behind his long, dark hair, barely saying more than a few words to anyone before stumbling them.
I could find out most of those things from the millions of articles written about him, but I wanted more. I wanted to know if his favorite color was still teal. And I really wanted to know if he still thought about me.
That last part always seemed to surprise me, that after all these years, I still pined after Clay, the one who got away. Now that I’m divorced, I’ve been thinking back on where things went wrong. Most people assume I’ve been thinking over my marriage, but instead, I find myself thinking about how different my life would have been if I had married Clay instead.
The more time I spend thinking about it, the more I wish I had the chance to explore things with Clay. To see if my life would be different or exactly how I imagined if his and Kyle’s roles were reversed. I never thought that I’d get the chance to see Clay again, in the flesh, after all these years.
When I was told where my placement would be, I knew exactly where I was headed. Kyle has been chasing after Clay and Nth Technologies success for the last few years. Nth is one of the most successful technology companies in Canada, handling app creation for the big phone manufacturers, but they also created some of the most cutting-edge software the world has seen in years, which is something Kyle has been wanting to have added to his resume for years.
The number nine is lit brightly as the elevator comes to a stop.
“Here goes nothing,” I mumble, taking a deep breath and stepping out of the elevator, hopefully on the way to starting a fabulous new life.