I don’t care about the beer or the game tonight, but not calling Hayden feels wrong, even if I did text earlier to let her know we were running late.
“Call Mama?” Jett asks, when I drop “Bucky the Bulldozer” into the book basket next to his bed.
“Thinking about it, little man, but it’s kinda late. Your mom is probably already in bed.” With Lane fucking Kelsie, but I digress.
“I wanna.” His little voice cracks in a way that makes my heart do the same, so I grab my phone from the nightstand and pull up her contact.
“Two minutes,” I warn him. “You can tell her you love her and blow her a couple kisses, but then we have to get some sleep, so we can go fishing with Uncle Jinx in the morning.”
He smiles, even though he’s already struggling to keep his eyes open. “Okay, Daddy.”
I hit Hayden’s number and put the phone on speaker between us.
“Sweet pea, is that you?” she answers on the second ring, her soft voice full of affection.
Our little man relaxes a little more into the pillow just hearing her. “Miss you, Mama.”
“Aw, baby, I miss you, too. You sound sleepy.”
“Uh huh.” He barely nods and I chuckle silently, knowing there won’t be any I love yous or kisses tonight.
“Ah, Hayden?”
“Yeah?” There’s a rustling sound on her end of the line, followed by the telltale squeak of a bed and a low, masculine voice that has me pinching the bridge of my nose.
“He’s already sleeping.” And I’m left holding the ball. Dammit, I knew I should’ve made him wait until morning.
Hayden laughs softly. “Long night, huh?”
“Yeah, you know how it is with my parents.”
There’s a moment of silence before my words register, and I cringe. Did I really just say that?
“I remember,” she replies, her voice noticeably quieter than a few seconds ago, and that’s all it takes for the regret to turn to satisfaction in my veins.
I know it’s wrong, but there’s something downright gratifying about her thinking of our time together when he’s just inches away, fully aware it’s me on the other end of her line.
Me... the guy she came to when he fucked up.
Me... the guy who got her pregnant.
Me... the guy she’s tied to for the rest of her life despite that fucking ring on her finger.
I open my mouth, the temptation to stir the pot strong, but quickly snap it shut again.
Egging her on? That’s bullshit the old me would have pulled. When I welcomed any conversation she’d have with me, because it gave me a piece of her I wouldn’t have had otherwise. And back then, I was desperate enough to take whatever parts of Hayden she was willing to give me.
But I’m not that guy anymore.
And she’s not that girl.
And the little boy sleeping next to me needs me to be his dad more than I need to know whether or not his mom still thinks about our time together, too.
It’s been almost five years.
Hayden made her choice and it wasn’t me. At some point, I’d do well to accept it and move on.
I clear my throat and shove a hand through my hair. “I should let you go. How about we try this again in the morning?”
“Okay, yeah. Sounds good.” There’s another pause that something sick and twisted inside of me wishes was more than just silence. “Thanks, Jesse.”
“Yep. G’night.” I hang up before my messed up head can process another stupid thought. Like whether or not she ever wishes she’d chosen differently.
Fuck.
Maybe I’ll have that beer, after all.
HAYDEN
“I miss you.” Jett’s sweet voice sounds in my ear and my heart surges. I wasn’t sure they’d call tonight and I’d almost gone to sleep. I’m so glad I didn’t.
“Aw, baby, I miss you, too. You sound sleepy.”
“Uh huh,” he sighs, and I can’t help but smile, imagining him snuggled into bed with the blankets pulled up to his chin. I’ve never actually seen his room up north—or even the house Jesse built a few years ago—but in my mind’s eye, I can see it perfectly.
“Ah, Hayden?” Jesse’s voice is a low rasp on the other end of the line.
“Yeah?” I ask as Lane sets his glasses on the bedside table and lifts his chin toward the light switch by the door.
“Can you grab that when you’re done?” he whispers, and I give him a thumbs up.
“He’s already sleeping.” Jesse sighs, and I can imagine him, too, sitting on the edge of Jett’s little bed in a pair of shorts… and nothing else.
“Long night, huh?” I ask, swallowing hard.
“Yeah, you know how it is with my parents.”
I do. And though it serves no good purpose, I let my mind slip back in time for just a few seconds, recalling the half dozen or so times I’d hung out with Jesse and his family. Janice was always in the kitchen, making her delicious Polish food, while his dad and siblings played cards, laughed, and generally harassed one another.
“I remember.” And I hope the silence in the house around me isn’t so quiet that Lane can hear the other end of this conversation and exactly what it is I remember. Jesse and I weren’t meant for more than the short period of time we had together, but the couple of weeks we did have were filled with so many memories. Memories I will cherish forever.
Which probably means I need to end this call ASAP, never mind the trip back in time.
“I should let you go. How about we try this again in the morning?” Jesse offers, as if reading my mind, and I blow out a silent breath.
“Okay, yeah. Sounds good.” I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear and bite my lip guiltily. The bed I share with my fiancé is definitely no place to reminisce about the man who gave me my son. “Thanks, Jesse.”
“Yep. G’night.” He disconnects quickly and my shoulders drop in relief.
“Everything okay?” Lane’s fingers graze my bare arm curiously.
“Yep.” Forcing a smile, I set my phone on the nightstand and hop out of bed to hit the lights and shake off the thoughts. “Just too much fun with his other grandma and grandpa, I guess.”
“They still do that Friday night dinner thing?” He opens the blankets for me when I return, and I slide in next to him, resting my cheek on his bare chest. “Isn’t Jesse a little old for Mommy to be feeding him all the time?”
I chuckle and poke at his torso. “He goes for Jett. Besides, you know darn well you’d be at your mom’s in a heartbeat if she invited you over.”
He snorts. “Every once in a while, yeah, but every damn week? You’d think at some point—”
“Hey…” I lean up just enough to meet his eye. “Can we not do this right now? We had such a good night.”
His sarcastic smirk softens. “Yeah, we did. We need to do this more often. I like hanging out, just the two of us.”
And I don’t like the insinuation in his response, but I hate fighting with him, especially about Jesse, so I let it go and relax against him again.
“It was fun, wasn’t it?” We ordered cheap takeout and indulged in a few hours of Netflix, which we haven’t done in months. Even though we have every other weekend alone, we’re usually playing catch-up on work. I’ve been busier than ever since I started my home-based accounting business, while he’s been vying for a big promotion with Fremont Investments.