Does Jesse already have someone serious in his life? Someone who’s so serious, she’s part of our son’s life, too? Jett hasn’t mentioned anyone, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t exist.
God. The very thought makes me lightheaded. And that’s pure insanity.
Jesse and I were never a couple. I can’t even rightfully call him my ex. We had a couple of weeks together and a handful of random moments before that. Granted, they were really amazing moments and our two weeks were some of the best of my life, but he was never mine and I was never his, and the idea of him settling down shouldn’t make me sick to my stomach. Yet here I am.
My phone chirps on the edge of the porch step and I tug off my gloves to grab it. It’s a text from the devil himself. Five minutes away.
Great. Not only am I a dirty, sweaty mess, but I’m all up in my head about a girlfriend he may or may not have… when I’ve been engaged to someone else for years now.
“Holy freaking hypocrite,” I mutter as I get to my feet, brush the remnants of weeds from my leggings, and hurry to the mirror in the foyer. Dirt streaks cover both of my cheeks and, not only is my ponytail barely hanging on, but it also looks like half of the weeds I pulled ended up in it. “Gross!”
On a fast track to the first-floor bathroom, I tug out the hair tie and haphazardly run my fingers through the mess. Bits and pieces of last year’s dead flowers fall into the sink as I continue to detangle with one hand and reach for a washcloth with the other.
With half of my face clean, I catch my own eyes in the mirror and freeze.
Holy crap. Am I really being this woman right now? A woman feeling so out of sorts about a man she has no business feeling anything for?
I close my eyes and take a few calming breaths as a horn honks from the driveway. Giving in to vanity, I quickly wipe the rest of my face and hurry back outside just as Jesse parks and lowers the back passenger window.
“Mama!” Jett giggles from the back seat, and all of my uneasiness disappears, because of this. Nothing matters more than this.
“Baby!” I jog across the yard, throw open the door and dive in for a hug. I kiss him everywhere while I get him unbuckled, and then he’s in my arms, clinging to me like a monkey. He smells like Jesse—all clean and spicy—and he’s wearing what looks like a brand new T-shirt. “How was your weekend?” I ask, burying my face in his neck.
“I played in the sandbox! Went fishing, too!”
“You did?” I shift him to my hip and pull back to see his little face. His dimples are on full display and his hair is spiked into a mohawk. Pretty sure there’s gel in it, too, which makes me smile even more. “Gosh, you look handsome. Is this a new shirt?”
He looks down at his yellow Enders Excavating tee and nods. “Yup!”
Jesse rounds the front of the truck sporting the same shirt—only a tighter version—along with an adorable, dimpled grin. He’s wearing black basketball shorts, sneakers, and a backward ball cap, and I’m positive I haven’t seen him this relaxed and casual since that summer five years ago.
Probably got laid last night. With your child in the house.
“Hi,” I say a little too cheerfully, as absurd heat spreads across my face. “I, uh, like the matching shirts.”
Jesse lifts an easy shoulder. “Couldn’t resist.”
I’m glad for it.
“Got you a present!” Jett announces, and Jesse tips his head to the side, brows lifted.
“Really, little man? We haven’t even been here two minutes.”
“Sorry.” He curls into my neck and I laugh.
“Did you really get me something? What the heck for?”
“Mother’s Day,” Jett whispers, and my stomach rises again. Mother’s Day was last Sunday and, though Jesse has always made sure Jett had something for me, I didn’t even think about it this year.
“You didn’t have to,” I say to Jesse. Giving me him is enough.
“Of course, we did.” His voice is low and sexy, as one side of his mouth lifts in a crooked grin. The little smirk accentuates the strong line of his jaw, the fresh trim of his beard, and the boyish gleam in his eyes, which are almost turquoise against the goldenrod of his shirt. “You want to do the honors, little man, or should I?”
“Too heavy,” Jett answers, and Jesse chuckles as he opens the passenger door.
“I figured you’d say that.” Then he tosses a grin my way. “You’re going to want to put him down for this.”
“It’s not going to bite me or anything, is it?”
Jett giggles again as I set him down. “It’s not a snake, Mama!”
Jesse chuckles, too, as he pulls something wrapped in white and lavender tissue paper from the front seat. He doesn’t hand it over, though. Instead, he comes to stand in front of me with the gift in his arms like an offering.
“I’ll hold it while you open it. It’s kind of awkward.” The way his eyes twinkle down at me stirs a wave of butterflies in my stomach and a lump in my throat.
“You guys…” I press my fingers to my lips. “You’re going to make me cry.”
Jesse simply smiles, his gaze sweeping over my face. “Looks like you were working on your flower bed,” he says softly.
“I was.” I run a self-conscious hand over my hair. “I’m a mess.”
“You’re beautiful,” he counters and, when our eyes lock, I forget how to breathe.
It’s the proximity. The fact that we’re standing a foot apart. Closer than we have in almost five years… when we’d spent a heck of a lot of time far closer than this.
“Thank you,” I say quietly. “This is really sweet of you.”
“You should probably open it to be sure.” He winks one of those ocean eyes again, and I gulp down the strange feeling blooming in my chest before tearing into the gift.
In no time at all, I peel back the last layer to reveal a large pink stone. Or rather, what I realize is beautiful, rose-colored concrete, fashioned into a stepping stone. It’s decorated with flowers made of glossy black and white rocks and Jett’s little hands. His name is written across the top, while the year sits at the bottom. And then there’s a star with a tail.
“Oh, my God. Is that…?” My gaze darts to Jesse’s, full of boyish charm and memories.
“It just came to me and I went with it,” he admits. Then, in a more intimate tone, “No one has to know what it means but us.”
And just like that, I know why it bothers me to think about him with someone else.
Jesse may have never been truly mine, but, once upon a time, he gave a piece of himself to me that I don’t want to share with anyone else.
When I found out I was pregnant, there was never a doubt in my mind that Jesse would rise to the challenge that has become our life.
But I didn’t expect this.
I didn’t expect that he would remain my friend. Or that he would respect me so much as a co-parent. Or that he’d remember Mother’s Day and make me a gift with his own two hands.
The idea of him sharing this with someone else?
I hate it.
The fact that I’m engaged to another man?
Doesn’t change how much I hate it.