“Excuse Vince, he’s got no fucking manners.” The team’s wide receiver, who’d been one of those standing at the end of Coach’s speech, shook his head at Vince and smiled to the rest of us. “Don’t worry, rookies. Once we’re playing other teams, he reserves the pain-in-the-ass-ness for the opposing team.” He clapped Vince on the back and steered him away from the table, but not without a glare back at Knox.
He dropped his fork onto his plate. “Should’ve kept my mouth shut.”
“Yeah, you should’ve.” I shoveled the food that tasted like sawdust into my mouth.
“Don’t think I didn’t see you about to leap over this table and knock him on his ass.”
I shook my head. “That’s not me anymore.”
Knox leaned back and looked at me like I’d said I no longer ate food. “Since when.”
“Since I left Greenwood.”
The rest of the meal went by without any more excitement.
Another text came through from an unknown number.
Unknown Number: Think you’re too good for me now
The knot tightened. Words I’d had lorded over me growing up.
I needed to get a new number. I’d put it off for far longer than I should on a hope. I hadn’t changed it when I left Greenwood. I’d worked so hard on creating a new life, complete with a new name, but I couldn’t leave the number behind. It was a tether to my past, the parts I’d wanted to leave behind and the parts branded on my heart that I couldn’t and didn’t ever want to shake.
I blocked this new number and pocketed my phone.
We headed back to the apartment to get ready for a brutal day tomorrow. The courier had arrived with the guitar. I’d left it with two of my old roommates, LJ and Marisa, for safe keeping. Rooming with two best friends pretending not to be hooking up had caused more than a few awkward moments during my senior year, but I knew I could trust them to take care of the guitar for me.
I hadn’t expected to need it so soon. But it should be up in my room. My nerves edged on fried at the thought of working on it, but I didn’t have a choice. I needed to fix it, and I had less than a month to get it done.
Most of the crowds around the entrance had left, but there were a few people still there. We used the markers they had to sign a few balls already covered in signatures as well as a couple jerseys. Adrenaline pounded in my veins like I’d just come off the field—people actually wanted my signature.
If I flamed out, would they burn it? Throw it in the trash or laugh about the fuck-up who thought he could make it through training camp?
“I’m not even going to lie. This doesn’t suck one bit.” Knox laughed and handed the marker back to a kid wearing head-to-toe Lions gear.
Walking up the stairs, the doors at the top of the landing opened.
“Is that—” Knox sputtered and froze, his gaze whipping to mine.
Her step barely faltered before she plowed ahead, walking straight past the both of us like we weren’t there. Her black hair was in a messy bun on top of her head. The cotton shorts showed off her legs and her simple t-shirt looked molded to her body. I couldn’t move until she disappeared around the corner. All I wanted to do was talk to her. Where was she going? Who was she meeting? What had her life been like since we’d been together?
In the elevator, Knox turned to me with his arms folded across his chest. “Well this puts a wrinkle in that whole complete focus requirement now, doesn’t it?”
4
Bay
Empty margarita glasses filled every gap between plates with remnants of fried or melted cheese.
“Whose turn is this round?” Cheryl drained the last of hers, licking the salt off the rim.
Spencer and I both turned to her. “Yours!” We said at the same time and finished off the dregs of our drinks.
She grumbled and gathered up the glasses before walking off toward the bar.
“Why have you been so quiet?”
I shoved a slider into my mouth, my elbow sliding off the edge of the table.
Spencer grabbed me, righting me in my chair. “You’re shit-faced, aren’t you?”
“What? No!” My shove at his shoulder missed, and I nearly fell onto the floor beside him. Why had he moved?
He dropped me back into my seat and dragged a celery stalk through the last of the blue cheese on our plates. “Look at Bay, trying to lose the intern pool at the last minute.”
We had a small wager that whoever didn’t puke that summer at an intern event, sponsored or non-sponsored by Nexus Records, won the pooled money. At this point, it was between me and one other intern, Macy.
“I’m not, I’m fine.” Readjusting my chair, I stared at the stage where drunken warbling came from a couple on stage belting out “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. They could get up there and sing without a hint of apprehension or fear.
Maybe with a little more liquid courage, I could too. Or I’d end up handing Macy her pot of prize money. Or maybe I should just stay drunk for the rest of the summer.
Dare felt like a constant fixture in my life, and he was so hard to ignore. He kept popping up. First in the dorm mail room where I’d let someone else hand over his packages. Then crossing the quad, but again, I’d been able to dodge him, not that he could’ve seen me through the sea of LA Lions navy and silver flags, banners, fans, and foam fingers as people cheered the team just walking to the practice facility. The third time had been a close call where the elevator doors were closing as I was on my way up to the third floor, and my heart had fluttered in my chest. I may have jammed my finger into the door close button. I may have…
It was almost like that little voice in the back of my head didn’t remember how screwed things had been when we ended. And that voice sucked for trying to make me forget. Run-ins with Dare were something I’d have to get used to for the next few weeks. It was no big deal. He was like any other guy. Yes, the little voice laughed. Yes, and David Bowie had just been a guy with a nice voice.
Seeing him with Knox though—for a second I felt like I’d been transported back to Greenwood. I’d turn the corner and be eighteen again, and my whole college experience would’ve been a dream after hyperventilating and passing out while trying to work up the courage to walk out on stage for the talent show.
It had taken getting into my car to shake off the fear that all the progress I’d made since then and the person I’d become was all an illusion. Although, who was I kidding? Not much had changed. I still couldn’t sing. I hadn’t dated anyone in over a year. I was no closer to any of the big dreams I had for myself. It was like the fairy godmother spell had only worked long enough to give me a glimpse of what was possible before destroying my life. Every time after that talent show, I’d open my mouth and nothing would come out.
After four long hours in the studio, we were free, even if the margaritas weren’t.
“If my ears aren’t bleeding by the end of this month, it’ll be a miracle.” Spencer wriggled his finger in his ear.
“Gross. Could you not add a finger’s worth of ear wax to these nachos?” I curled my arm around the plate and dragged it closer to me. The Kara Karaoke had the best mid-week happy hour within walking distance of campus and the studio. There had been extensive research to find the best, least crowded, most-bang-for-your-buck one over the past couple years. The word had spread throughout the studio, and now we filled half the room most Tuesdays and Thursdays.