I grinned as I took a long sip letting the hot liquid and caffeine course through me. I sighed happily.
It was sad to me that I was more relaxed without my mother around than I ever could have been with her at home. I knew that wasn’t how things should have been, but I had accepted a long time ago, that this was the life I was meant to live.
The gnawing ache of resentment started to surface but I pushed it back down. There was no sense in dwelling on negative thoughts that were out of my control.
Sometimes I thought that after Sonnet was back home safely and all of my sisters were happily mated and out of the clutches of our mother that just maybe I would break away from Shay’s clutches and go live my own life, but that seemed like a pipe dream so far into the future that it was entirely unreachable.
“Is that coffee I smell?” Sage said. She yawned and stretched as she fumbled around for a mug.
“You’re up early.”
She looked at the clock and frowned. “Why aren’t you at work yet?”
I sighed. “I’ll head over soon. I’m keeping an eye on things from here.”
She scoffed. “How?”
“Well, they just opened and only Mr. Ross is there. Trust me, my team can handle this. Just don’t tell mom, okay?”
Sage snorted. “Like I’d tell that woman anything.”
I gave her a knowing look. She’d rat me out in a heartbeat if it benefited her in any way and we both knew it.
“She took Sapphire with her and left me behind. I’m not happy about it. Your secret’s safe.”
Like I said, when it benefitted her.
“How are your classes going at school?”
She groaned dramatically. “I’m failing math again.”
“Sage, it’s not that hard.”
“Says you. You’re a genius. It comes easy for you. It doesn’t come easy for me.”
“You’re so smart, little one. You can do this. I can help tonight after work if you need me to.” I wasn’t sure why I was offering. Sage never listened to me.
She looked uncomfortable and wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Can I come to the café after school today and study there? Like you could help me when you aren’t too busy.”
To say I was shocked was an understatement. Sage had never asked me for help and avoided the restaurant like it was the plague.
“Uh, sure. You’re always welcome there and I’m here to help you anytime with anything. I hope you know that.”
“Thanks,” she mumbled awkwardly. “Can you make my coffee like yours?”
“Yeah sure.” I knew I was still exhausted when my eyes started to mist over. It wasn’t something greatly profound or life changing, but in some small way it felt like a breakthrough with my littlest sister.
I added a few drops of mint and stirred. She sighed contentedly and grinned after taking a sip. “It’s perfect.”
I refrained from reaching out and hugging her. I knew that would be taking things too far.
I glanced out the window trying not to let on just how much a small moment like this, really meant to me, and then I frowned.
“Looks like the morning rush is surging quickly. I better get to work.”
She gave me a sad smile and nodded.
“Have a good day at school, little one. See you tonight.”
There was a bit of a skip in my step as I walked across the street and into the café.
“Good morning,” I told Candace.
She grinned. “Aren’t we in a good mood today?”
“Sage actually asked me for my help. She’s coming by after school. You know that has never ever happened, right?”
“That’s not true,” the older woman said. “She used to come in here all the time when she was little and sit in that back corner booth and just watch you work.”
“She did?”
She nodded. “You were in high school at that time, and I swear that girl worshipped the ground you walked on.”
I laughed. “Now I know you’re making stuff up. It felt like a small break through with her though, so I’ll take it.”
“Just maybe you can get her to help out around here. You should not have to do it all yourself. You gave up college and everything for them. It’s not right.”
“Now you sound like Michelle.”
“Well, she is a wise woman.”
I frowned. “I’ll get back around to finishing my degree someday.”
“There’s always going to be a someday, but trust me, someday rarely ever comes unless you make it a priority.”
I contemplated that as I settled into my daily routine, chatted with customers, and took and served order after order.
The day passed quickly. The shifts changed, and then suddenly there was Sage. She looked a little uncertain as she took the booth in the back in corner. It reminded me of what Candace had said, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember the scene she had painted.
While away at college I had seen a therapist for a while after Sonnet’s disappearance. There were several holes in my memories. She said that was normal post trauma and Sonnet’s disappearance had been traumatic for me. But more than that she thought I held onto only the good memories of my past and the holes were my mind’s way of purging the negativity of my youth.
It made sense, but Candace didn’t describe a bad thing that needed purging. It was a memory I longed for. So why couldn’t I remember it?
The dinner crowd hadn’t begun yet, so I grabbed a couple of sodas and went to join Sage. She had her schoolbooks strewn out across the table.
I set the glasses down and then sat across from her.
“Thanks,” she said almost shyly.
“How was school?”
“It was school.”
I smiled. “Enough said. So, what are you working on here?”
“I have a big math test coming up and I already told you that I’m struggling.”
“Let me see what you’re working on.”
For the next hour I tutored my sister. After that the dinner crowd started filing in and I had to get back to work. To my surprise Sage stayed and continued working. Every now and then she would flag me down to ask a question.
By the time the dinner rush ended she seemed to have things down and was feeling more confident about her upcoming test or at least that’s what she told me.
“I miss this sometimes, you know?” she told me.
“What?”
“Hanging out in here with you. You helping me with my homework. All of it.”
I couldn’t confess that I really didn’t remember that life the way she seemed to. So instead, I simply asked, “Why don’t you do it more often then?”
She scrunched up her face. “Mom hates me hanging out here. She says I’m just getting in your way and I should leave you alone. There was a time I didn’t listen, but then you went away to college and I was so angry with you for leaving us. And then Sonnet was gone too. You came back but you weren’t the same. I don’t really know how to explain it.”
I nodded sadly. I was obsessed with finding our sister, but I had no idea it had affected anyone else but me.
I reached over and hugged her. “I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.”