“Nothing we can use. But Ken’Ichi finally agreed to my proposal. Once we get the yacht club committee to approve the race, it’ll be a go.”
“You got it on tape?” he grunted out.
I snorted. Even if we’d been able to keep any of the listening devices live, getting a member of the Kyōdaina to say something directly was like getting the Italian mob to say something more than, “You know, that thing we’ll deliver to that place.”
“We’re so fucking close,” I told him.
“Close to being exposed or close to being in the bag?”
I dragged a hand over my face. The trendy scruff I’d been boasting was verging on unattractive. I needed a shave, some sleep, and maybe a new life. Last night I hadn’t been able to sleep. The glimpse of blood, the way Ken’Ichi had talked to Jada, and the fact that the listening device had disappeared had all haunted me.
“I’ve got management breathing down my neck on a daily basis, Langley,” Malone all but growled. “The expenses are racking up, and we’ve got nothing to show for it.”
My stomach tightened. The last thing I wanted to do was come up empty-handed. Not when he’d taken a fucking risk on me. Four and a half years ago, he’d reached out to me as a potential source, and I’d twisted his arm into making it more. Bringing me in. I didn’t want to let him down, just like I didn’t want to see Jada get hurt or Dax to find out about the deal I’d made that could risk everything we’d built. But these days, the three lives I led were getting closer and closer to merging into one.
Malone left his empty water bottle on the bench, got up, and jogged away.
I sat there for a few minutes after he left, picked up the water bottle, and tossed it in the trash, pocketing the tiny slip of paper stuck to the label.
I meandered through the town and back to the sedan. Only then did I glance down at the paper.
I’ll see you in New London.
And it had an address next to Jada’s place on the cliffs.
Fuck. Moving the operation into New London meant my days were numbered.
I drove to the yacht club, got on the boat Dax and I had won the race back and forth to Morocco in, and put it out to sea. It was an effort to clear my head of a week of partying and tension. It was also an excuse as to where I’d been if anyone asked when I got back to the villa. Jada and I were departing on a private jet to Connecticut in a few hours, and it might have been strange that I’d taken to the sea, but anyone who knew me, knew it was an almost daily occurrence of mine.
I opened the throttle, letting the wind hit me so hard it made my eyes water, wishing I could keep the boat turned out to sea and not return to shore. To just escape the strings binding me.
But it was impossible. I’d tied the strings myself. A fucking noose around my neck.
I was a moron.
No good to the core, my dad’s voice echoed through my head.
When would I learn?
Violet
IT’S TIME TO GO
“Sometimes giving up is the strong thing.
Sometimes to run is the brave thing.”
Performed by Taylor Swift
Written by Swift / Dessner
Excitement bubbled through me as I looked through the microscope one more time. Almost no bacteria growth. As my head filled with the math for the colony-forming units, my body wanted to leap and sing and throw a football down on the ground like I’d just made the game-winning touchdown. A victory dance I used to do with Jersey all the time, but one I’d thought I’d become too grown-up for. Which only made my smile grow wider. I suddenly didn’t care. My feet flew through the steps before I took another look through the microscope. It was an incredible start for just a few days’ work.
My heart was so full I wanted to scream.
I felt like I was slowly coming back into focus. Me. Violet Banner. Science girl.
I looked around at the padding and clear plastic I’d hung from the walls after sanitizing the garage. The air filtration system was one of the most expensive pieces of equipment I’d bought, but it was working well. I could really use a more expensive scale and an actual water bath, but what I’d finagled together would work in the short term. The space looked slightly mad scientist-y. It wasn’t the nanoparticle lab, but I loved it because it was mine. I was following where the formulas in my brain were leading me, and for once, I didn’t care what the rest of my scientist friends thought.
I sent a picture of the data to Raisa, knowing she’d respond with celebration emojis once she saw it. Raisa had literally squealed when I’d told her I’d gotten Mandy and Leena’s approval to turn their garage into a lab.
She’d been so happy for me that when Jersey and Truck had flown back to the Bay Area, she’d helped Jersey pack my belongings, shipping them to me in New London. With my belongings on their way, it felt like I was sort of moving forward instead of pedaling in place like I had been the last few months. It didn’t relieve the guilt I felt about leaving Raisa without a roommate or a lab assistant, or the guilt I felt about Silas, but it was a start.
When I’d told Raisa about how bad I felt, she’d told me not to be ridiculous. She’d said chasing my dreams and passions wasn’t selfish. It was self-care. While I understood it, I still couldn’t help the feeling of regret at having disappointed so many people.
While Jersey had been happy for me as well, she’d also been concerned, like Silas, about the dramatic change. About me staying in a town that hated the Banner girls. The place she’d gladly left behind.
The day she and Truck had left to go back to San Francisco, she’d hugged me tightly, and asked, “Are you sure?”
I’d responded with the truth. “It feels like I’ve finally come home.”
“I’m going to miss you,” she’d said, hanging on even tighter.
“Honestly, you probably won’t see me any less than you did already.” Because even though we’d lived less than fifty miles from each other, our lives had been busy with our own ventures. Her world was filled with Truck and Nell and her comics. My world was filled with science and school and Silas.
“But I always knew I could get to you quickly if I had to,” she said, worry filling her eyes.
“I have Mandy and Leena. It’s going to be okay. I promise,” I assured her.
Truck had hugged me while Jersey still held on. “Be good, Vi.”
Then, he’d pulled Jersey away, squeezing her hand and sending her reassurances that I loved him for. Nell had waved goodbye with sweet smiles, not even understanding how far we’d be apart.
My phone alarm jangled “Can’t Stop This Feeling” at me from my back pocket, and I sighed. I had so much more to do in the lab, but instead, I put the trays back in their various spots under the heat lamps and in the refrigerator before I made my way to the exit. I pushed aside the plastic and removed the clear goggles I was wearing. I tossed the disposable gloves and shoe coverings before washing my hands at the sink.